Wednesday One-Liners! They're Just Like Us!

Creepy dad, cheerfully, to seven-year-old daughter: There's only one Lindsay Lohan!

–Downtown 1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Jewish girl to friend: You know how ever since I got my shnoz done people tell me I look like Amy Winehouse?

–116th St & Broadway

Crazy black guy on bus, to no one in particular: Derek Jeter looks just like Robert Deniro, man… Just like him!

–N6 Bus

Overheard by: looks like paris hilton?

Larger reporter: I'm not going to save clothes that fit me before I gained weight in case I lose it. If I lose weight, I'm going to buy some new damn clothes. I don't want to wear stuff from 1987. I'll look stupid, I'll look like Mischa Barton.

–Midtown Office

Overheard by: you wont be mischa's size

Hipster girl to friend: I mean, I really like him… But he thinks River Phoenix is a place.

–East Village

Posted on March 31, 2018
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Bus, Clothing, Columbia, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Creepsters, Dads, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Hipsters, JAPs, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Names, Nose Job, Offers and requests, Office, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Physical appearance, Shopping, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Since He Moved in with His Auntie and Uncle in Bel Air

Girl #1: And she was like, “Come to Philly!”
Girl #2: Ugh! Nobody goes to Philly. Not even Will Smith goes to Philly.

–Jenny Lewis Show, The Apollo Theater

Overheard by: Mindy

Posted on March 15, 2018
About Celebrities, Girls, Theater, Weirdness

Pat Herself Has Transitioned from Babe to MILF

Thug #1: Oh, shit son… Pat Benatar is gonna be here.
Thug #2, singing: Love Is a Battlefield… that shit is hot.
Thug #1: Yeah, man!

–42nd St, BB King Blues Club

Overheard by: king of the gypsies

Posted on December 23, 2017
About Celebrities, Bars & Clubs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Singing, Thugs, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Love
Entertainment Weekly

Tourist girl, Pointing at a set of glass windows: Hey, isn’t that where Carson Daly lives?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Max Bivona

Posted on November 21, 2017
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Girls, One-liners, Only in New York, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists

We Broke Up for a Reason, Remember?

Hobo: Hey, you look like Kenny Rogers.
Man: Uh, thanks. I guess that’s a compliment.
Hobo: You’re not a bad looking guy.
Man: Well, let’s not get carried away here.

–Food court, Grand Central

Overheard by: Hobo Appreciation Society

Posted on October 11, 2017
About Celebrities, Beauty, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Grand Central, Hobos, Men

Are You Sure One's Not Just a Teeny Bit More British?

Hipster guy: I can never tell the difference between Ralph Fiennes and Raif Fiennes.
Hipster girl: That's because they're the same person.

–W Train

Overheard by: Andrew

Posted on September 21, 2017
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Hipsters, Names, On the Subway

No Wednesday One-Liners in the Champagne Room

Soccer mom: In two weeks, my knitting circle’s going to the strip club.

–28th & Lex

Girl: I want to become a stripper so that I can see Patti LuPone in Gypsy every night.

–St. James Theatre

Overheard by: Erin

Loud NYU chick: Listen to the opening guitar riff of Voodoo child. It makes you want to be a stripper!

–Bobst Library

Overheard by: evil em

Six-year-old boy to parents: Oohh! Zombie strippers! Let’s see that!

–Port Authority

Posted on August 5, 2017
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Library, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, NYU, Offers and requests, Port Authority, Strippers, Theater & Dance, Washington Square Park, Wishes & desires

Hey, Laura Married Urkel at the End Of That Series

30-something wasp: So she's out of his league and he still treats her bad?
Identical 30-something wasp: I know! If Urkel is gonna date Angelina Jolie, Urkel better fucking step it up!

–50th & 9th

Overheard by: Wes

Posted on July 11, 2017
About Celebrities, Dating, Gossip, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Pleasantly Plump”

Guy on phone: That's not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time.

–Time Warner Center

Man on cell: Of course I'll recognize you! Unless you got fat!

–Sheep's Meadow, Central Park

Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: fellow fatass

Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store!

–W Broadway & Spring

Overheard by: JR

Fat chick: Do not tell me I'm not a size 4!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Rich H

Posted on May 30, 2017
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, Queer guys, Sexuality, Soho, Teens

You Want to Run Into Joey from Blossom?

Girl: So, what do you want to do?
Tourist guy: I want to meet a famous person!
Guy: I’m sure we can get some tickets to MTV or something.
Tourist guy: No, I wanna see them on the street and be like “Hey. You!” and have them turn around and be like “*gasp* Woah” and I’d be like “Woah”.

–1 Train

Overheard by: teehee

Posted on April 24, 2017
About Celebrities, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Tourism, Tourists, Wishes & desires

About Celebrities