Girl: You know, sometimes I just feel like breaking down and crying.
Guy: Wanna get some pizza?
Girl: Seriously, life can be so hard sometimes, I really can’t take it anymore.
Guy: Have you considered suicide?
Girl: Fuck you!
Guy: Well seriously, you need to stop complaining about life or just kill yourself and get it over with.
Girl: Fuck you. I’m getting off at the next stop and going back home.
Guy: Wanna get some pizza?
–Q train
Overheard by: Jimmy Crehan
Old lady: You spelled “candle” wrong.
Employee: What?
Old lady: You spelled “candle” wrong on one of your signs. Give me a piece of paper and I’ll fix it for you.
Employee: It’s okay.
Old lady (getting extremely angry): No, it is not okay. This is inappropriate and you need to fix it.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: just buying some shampoo
Man on pay phone: Naw, naw! You gotta tell him! We ain’t down with the broomstick!
–4th Street & 7th Avenue
Overheard by: Earl Holloway
Guy: Here’s to 5 inches or less!
Girl: …I really could take that the wrong way.
Guy: I’m talking about the storm!
–Whiskey River, 2nd Avenue
Announcement: …and please remember to take your personal belongings with you…
Guy: Did you hear that? Personal belongings! Don’t they know how redundant that is?
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Johnny Drongo
Guy #1: Look at that. His front arms are so small.
Guy #2: Why do you think he looks so angry? He couldn’t whack off.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Corey F
Woman: We’ll have the perfectly peanut butter sundae.
Store girl: Okay, sure.
Man: Come on, you know I fucking hate the taste of peanut butter!
Woman: Are you kidding me? I ate your jizz just a couple of hours ago, I think you eating the ice cream I want would be a decent fucking compromise!
Store girl: …Um…Yeah, so…I’m taking that as extra peanut butter.
–Dylan’s Candy Bar, 3rd Avenue
Very large man, pointing at a McDonald’s: Where were you last night at 3 a.m. when I was craving you?
–49th & 9th
Man wearing an “I Heart My Heart” shirt, to guy eating fast food: You’re just aching for that heart attack, aren’t you?
–46th & Broadway
Angry burger flipper: Making Big Macs is complex. It’s 2 all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun…And then it gets even more confusing, ’cause people all have their special requests, like no special sauce. And that just throws shit off. The Whopper is so easy. It don’t have shit on us.
–M11 bus
Asian girl, screaming into cell: I said, “Quiero Taco Bell!”
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Kelsey
Foreign tourist to cabbie: How much to go to K…F…C?
–Broadway between 38th & 39th
Overheard by: Gregorio
Girl: …because I feel like we’re going out. It’s just that he won’t call me.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, E 14th St
Overheard by: MK
Homegirl to boyfriend: No, no, that’s not what I said, that’s what you heard.
–1st & Ave B
Overheard by: Mollena
Girl: In the last few years, every time I go away to Paris with someone, I end up breaking up with them.
–San Loco, 7th St & 2nd Ave
B&T girl #1 to B&T girl #2: If you lived in NYC, you’d totally find a boyfriend. You totally, totally would.
–LIRR to Penn Station
Overheard by: Pia Peanutbuttas
Sassy chick: I was having a glass of wine with him, and he didn’t have anything to say to me. So I licked his ear.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Shrewd observer: That’s not dating. It’s called being on parole.
–West Building, Hunter College
Woman on cell: Well, I happen to like our Goddamn relationship, thank you very much!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Mike
Hobo #1: Hey man, pull yourself together. Get up, bro. Get up. I want to sit down, bro. Get up. Some people want a seat.
Hobo #2: You’re a slut.
Hobo #1: Yeah I’m a slut, but you a ho.
Hobo #2: I’m a ho because of sluts like you.
Hobo #1: Look, man, look at the clock. It’s 8:21, bro. If I catch you lying down on my train again before 12 o’clock, I’m going to kick your ass. You called me a slut, I’ll kick your ass. Now you know.
–L train
Overheard by: V
