Clipboard harasser: Hey there!
Guy, noting sticker on clipboard: ‘Mean people suck,’ huh?
Clipboard harasser: Would you like to talk about Greenpeace?
Guy: Sorry. I only care about money.
–48th St & 6th Ave
Clipboard harasser: Hey there!
Guy, noting sticker on clipboard: ‘Mean people suck,’ huh?
Clipboard harasser: Would you like to talk about Greenpeace?
Guy: Sorry. I only care about money.
–48th St & 6th Ave
Woman: So he wakes up trippin’ in the middle of the night, telling me to go get him a gun.
–Queens Blvd & 82nd Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Conductor: This is an express train. Express. Express. Express. No Fordham, no Bronx. Express, express, express. Well…I wanna shoot myself!
–Metro North train
Overheard by: Jeff
Man: Hey baby, nice body … Get fat and I’ll shoot ya.
–Classon Ave & Lafayette Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sheila
Hobo: My grandma isn’t here anymore to send me to the store to buy her a Colt 45, but I can still love Jesus!
–Uptown 3 train
Overheard by: jane shields
Ghetto guy: Man, my boy just got shot!
–Stanton St & Orchard St
Overheard by: Kris
Thug: A gun? You gotta shoot that bitch with a crossbow.
–L train, Lorimer Ave
Punk: How long have you had them?
Queer with three Greyhounds: Oh different times. They all come from abusive breeders and abusive owners and we take them in.
Punk: They’re so beautiful. I’d totally abuse them.
–9th St, between 1St & A Ave
Suit #1: That’s how we can get people to join us on the safari! We’ll say, ‘come on our safari and bring back your own little Namibian!’
Suit #2: That reminds me, do you have the M&Ms?
–57th St & 7th Ave
Drunk southern sailor: Yo! Where can we get some punani? Dave needs to milk it! I have a girlfriend, and he’s got a girlfriend, but I’m throwing that to the wind and getting on it
Sailor #2: No way man, we’re in our whites.
–12th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: cp
Suit: I wouldn’t want to tangle with you, bitch.
Ghetto girl: I can’t believe you just called me a bitch. That is so offensive!
Suit: Don’t be so uptight. In the city, bitch is just a generic term for female. If I wanted to offend you I would have called you a cunt. So chill.
–Burger King, 23rd & Park Avenue South
Hobo woman: Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for…
Non-hobo man: Oh, hell no!
Hobo woman: … for interupting you during your trip. I’m homeless…
Non-hobo man: I’m homeless, too! Shut-up!
Homeless woman: And I’m two months pregnant…
Non-hobo man: You ain’t pregnant! You just fat! Sit-down and shut-up!
–F train
Overheard by: Brooklyn Dodgy
Guy #1: You should say excuse me!
Guy #2: I did say excuse me!
Guy #1: Oh…
Guy #2: What I should have said is ‘Don’t stand in front of the fucking doors!"
–Uptown 4 Train
Guy #1: Oh my god man! I just saw my ex!
Guy #2: So…fuck her!
Guy #1: Yeah,… fuck that fucking cunt…fucking cunt!
Guy #2: Did she look hot…?
Guy #1: Cunt.
–Pace University
Overheard by: Al Wilner
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Yeah, we ain’t together no more. Bitch had the nerve to dump me.
Friend: What happened? You guys looked fine last week. It doesn’t make sense.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: She wasn’t down with how I roll. Always dissin’ the way I talk and shit–you know, correcting me and shit. Said she couldn’t take it no more, that I was always actin’ ign-i-ant or some shit. Like she’s some brain scientist or some shit. Bitch was always wrong anyways.
Friend: Brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: What?
Friend: You said brain scientist. I think you meant brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Dat’s what I said nigga, you just heard me wrong.
Friend: You know what, suddenly it does makes sense.
–Manhattan bound F train
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
