Balls

Smells Like Wednesday One-liners

Girl: Don’t walk me behind me, I’m about to fart.

–Times Square station

Girl: God, it smells like an armpit farted in here.

–Rififi, E. 11th Street

Overheard by: Miso

Guy on cell: Baby, baby, please, listen, I just, I’m almost there, c’mon, I’m comin’ up on your building now, baby, don’t be like that! Look out the window and you’ll see me! Shit, you can smell me, baby.

–12th & D

Fratboy: My shorts smell like a little boy’s balls.

–Coney Island beach

Overheard by: Alissa

Woman: Just so you know, it smells like someone urinated in there.

–Banana Republic, 16th & 5th

Overheard by: beth wren

Erika Would Have a Flashback to This Moment Years Later in a College Dorm Room

Little girl: Look at all the balls!
Dad: No! No! Don't touch them!

–79th & Lexington

Overheard by: chiggie

Twin African Spiny Hedgehogs

Guy #1: Do you have grey hair on your neck too?
Guy #2: Yeah, I do.
Guy #1: Oh, thank god, I thought I was the only one.
Guy #3: Don't worry, you should see my testicles.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Steve

And If Not, Ask Your Father, If You’ve Got the Balls

Young boy: Mom, what are those two things?
Mom, reading display: That’s your scrotum, right there…
Young boy: What’s a scrotum?
Mom: It’s your… That thing… Oh, you know what it is!

–Bodies Exhibit

Overheard by: Marty

…As I Used to Do, in My Youth.

Old man #1: I been walking around all day with a hole in my pants and didn't know it.
Old man #2: When did you figure it out?
Old man #1: When I sat on the seat on the train and one of my balls felt like I dipped it in a bowl of ice cream.

–DUMBO

I Probably Do Have Standards

Girl in stall: I love his tiny Irish Balls. But hey, that guy is pretty cute.
Friend: yeah, I know right. I mean, if he wasn’t cute, I wouldn’t let him keep grabbing my crotch. right?

–Ladies Room, Red Rock West

Overheard by: Rachel

Dad's Still Hoping for a Little Lesbian

Little girl, pointing at a bathtub full of candy balls: What are those, daddy?
Dad: Those balls are dirty.

–Candy Shop, 63rd St & 3rd Ave

Wednesday One-Liners for Chandler Bing’s Dad

Dude: Is it true the city is outlawing fat trannies?

–14th & 9th

Girl on cell: … But the conversation is getting so good! I’m announcing my attraction to trannies, and you’re talking about the S-and-M relationship of our friends!

–Harlem

Overheard by: Poogins

Crazy drunk man to 11-year-olds: Suck my dick, bitch! And my pussy!

–F train

Tranny to Jehovah’s Witnesses: You don’t know nothing about God. I ain’t got no testicles. You can’t tell me about God.

–149th & St. Nicholas

Overheard by: KcB

Chubby guy: I don’t hang with women with tits smaller than mine.

–Sidewalk cafe, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Big Larry

Butch woman on cell: So, Jennifer — you know, my ex-wife’s boyfriend…

–Payless Shoe Source, 34th St

No, but Keep Talking

Mook #1: We should get some eight balls.
Mook #2: Ape balls? Like gorilla balls?

–Mulberry & Spring

Like When Newter Gingrich Rants About Gay Marriage

Man in hard hat: My dog Sparky is still in the hospital. The doctor wants to neuter him.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Really, that is too bad… Has he fathered puppies before?
Man in hard hat: No. But I am going to ship his testicles via FedEx to Iowa. It will cost $200 to freeze his sperm.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Wow! Um… interesting. (then to friend, as man in hard hat walks away) It was so hard to keep a straight face!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gigglerocks

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist