Daddy to daughter: You don't know what “no” means?
Daddy to wife: We have completely failed as parents.
–Fort Green
Toddler waiting for subway with mom: I need a snack.
Mother: You need a smack!
–Franklin Ave
Overheard by: Danielle
Hood rat #1: It said “Puerto Rican Barbie.”
Hood rat #2: What?
Hood rat #1: That's why I bought that shit. Cuz you know she think she Puerto Rican anyway. She black on the outside, Puerto Rican on the inside. That's why she stay hanging round with those Ricans!
–Jay St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe
Girl #1: It's going to suck if everyone there has a boring sense of humor.
Girl #2: So get them hyped up on cocaine, then everything is funny!
Girl #1: I will! Wait…how do *you* know?
Girl #2: At this point I would knock you on the side of the neck, steal your wallet, and run away.
–Main Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Michelle
Guido #1: So the fuckin’ Chink cop hands me the ticket, and I say, ‘Fuck you, ya fuckin’ Chink-ass cocksucker. Take this ticket and shove it up your Chink ass, you lo mein-suckin’, General Tso-fuckin’, slanty-eyed fuck.’
Guido #2: You said that to him?!
Guido #1: Yeah, after he drove away.
–Kings Plaza Diner, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Girl: Damn, when my grandmother see me in this, she gone have a strizzoke!
–Filene’s Basement, Union Square
Guy #1, in elevator at criminal courthouse: I don't understand. Why is it that every time I get arrested and come to court for something I did, they pull me aside and lock me up for something I didn't do? All I have to do is touch the door of the courthouse and they pull me aside and tell me I robbed the family dollar store! Why would I rob the family dollar?
Guy #2 in elevator: It's a family! Trying to make a dollar!
Guy #1: Exactly!
–Criminal Courthouse, Brooklyn
Overheard by: NYC Kim
Woman: Her parents are Republicans! They must be! I knew that I would eventually become a target of the Republican conspiracy.
Man: Why do you say that?
Woman: Don’t you see? They’re obviously trying to turn our son against us by taking him out of the country.
Man: If they’re Republicans, why would they be bringing him to France?
–Cobble Hill
Little boy: I love Manhattan! I love Tic-Tacs!
–Brooklyn Heights
Wife to husband: No wonder your eyebrows are making love!
–47th & 5th
Overheard by: anon
Biotech to texting friend: Now we’ll see how much he cares about you. I love testing people!
–23rd Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: sara n.
Gleeful hobo rubbing stubble beard: I love my beard! Mmmm, I love you.
–93rd & Broadway
Overheard by: punkee
Queer on cell: I don’t want love handles on love day!
–Lafayette & Astor
Woman on cell: Happy Valentine’s Day… Do you still love me, or do you hate me now?
–Hudson St
Overheard by: lilli
