This Season's Most Unlikely Friendship

MTA guy: Okay, folks, everyone out! This train is going out of service! C'mon, mister, off the train! Let's go, let's go!
Hobo, dragging enormous black trash bag: I'm going, man…my bag tore. You got another bag? I need another bag.
MTA guy: You want a bag from me? Damn! They hardly pay me anything, I can barely feed my family, when we go on strike y'all get mad at us, and now you want a bag? Ease up, man, ease up!
(pause)
MTA guy: Hey, man, your pants are falling down.
Hobo: Yeah, I can't keep 'em up.
MTA guy: You know why that is? 'cause you got the baggy fit underneath the boot cut! With the straight cut in between!
Hobo: I used to have an overcoat. I loved that overcoat. You should have seen it. I loved that coat.
MTA guy: You got five coats already! What do you need with another one?
[pauses]Hobo: Hey, you won't believe what I saw on the train the other day.
MTA guy: What's that?
Hobo: A man beatin' up on his lady.
MTA guy: Oh yeah?
Hobo: Yeah. With his shoe.
MTA guy: With his shoe! No way, man.
Hobo: I saw it.
MTA guy: Why didn't you stop him? You should have stopped him!
Hobo: Well… He was a big guy.
MTA guy: You should have stopped him! You should have hit him with your big Santa bag! Why didn't you hit him with your big Santa bag?

–A Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on January 5, 2009
9 to 5-ers, Clothing, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Shoes, Violence, Weirdness

What, No “Package” Joke?

Man, after quizzing guy wearing shirt that says “Lay a ghost ceremony”: “Lay a ghost ceremony”? I had to ask. I thought it was sexual.
Woman: I'm glad you did, I was wondering too.
Man: It's because I'm a Scorpio. Everything is sexual to me. Even the US Postal Service box is saying something sexual to me. I mean, come on, “All service window?” You can't tell me that doesn't sound sexual.
(woman gets her package and leaves)
Man: Have a good day! Don't forget about the all service window!

–Post Office, 14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Erin

Posted on January 5, 2009
Clothing, Men, Post Office, Questions, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

You Just Ollied Into My Heart

Black teen, with I skate NY logo shirt: Hey, hey, what's the line for?
Confused white girl: I don't get your shirt.
Black teen: (amazed silence)
Confused white girl: Ohhh, it's a skateboard!
Black teen: Haha, yeah.
Confused white girl: No, no, I thought it was a…a picture of a guy with a unibrow and no mouth?
Black teen: Hey, lemme see your eyes…you have beautiful eyes.

–Virgin Megastore

Posted on January 4, 2009
Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Clothing, Girls, Physical appearance, Store, Teens, White People

But Light-Drizzle Shorts Are Highly Effective

Guy #1: I know, right?
Guy #2: Yeah! Thunderpants don't work!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: eliza

Posted on January 4, 2009
Clothing, Guys, Movies, Union Square and East Village

To Attain a Future Better Than the Present, You First Have to Imagine It

Teenage Latina to friend: So I want my next man and me to have more in common. My man, he gotta dress ghetto, you know, baggy pants, piercings, and chains, but he can't be no pimp or dirty slut. He can't be having no nasty diseases. He can't have no kids or none on the way and he can't have done no time, yet.
Friend: Gattita, I hear you. But what'cha gonna do with him?
Teenage Latina: Well, he's gonna have to like scary movies and reggaeton, Mexican food, and… (pauses to think for a moment) French fries! You know, them white people's food.
Friend: Holla.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Carrie

Posted on January 2, 2009
Clothing, Ethnic Food, Friends, Kids, Latinos, Movies, Music, On the Subway, Prison, Relationships, Stupidity, Teens, Wishes & desires

Like a Lifetime of Being Doubly Oppressed?

Gay black hipster to cop: Officer, of course he stole my five dollars! It was mine. It was right there.
Straight white hippie: I did not take anything of yours.
Gay black hipster to cop: Officer, who are you gonna believe, him or me? I mean, look at him–he's not even dressed well!
Straight white hippie: Dude, I hope something seriously bad happens to you.

–Union Square Subway Station

Posted on January 1, 2009
Black People, Clothing, Cops, Hippies, Hipsters, Money & Class, On the Subway, Queer guys, Thievery, Union Square and East Village

He must be planning to ram us into a building!

Cab passenger #1, about cabbie: He's such a bad driver. Is he Chinese?
Cab passenger #2: He's wearing a turban!

–50th & 10th

Posted on January 1, 2009
Cars and Driving, Clothing, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Passengers, Questions, Race

She Really Should Be More Supportive

20-something: Whenever my boyfriend says “dude bro” I think he is saying “dude bra,” which is troublesome.
20-something's friend, who was focused on ice cream: Wait, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening… Did you say Tim wears a dude bra?

–49th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ashley

Posted on December 26, 2008
Clothing, Friends, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Weirdness, Words

You Mean My Stabbing Clothes?

Annoyed chick: Okay, we get it, Cara! You're awesome and I suck. Now can you please shut up!
Cara: Not before we talk about what you're wearing.

–14th & University Place

Posted on December 26, 2008
Clothing, Girls, The Village, Weirdness

But You'll Be Gone Too, Right?

Three-year-old girl: Do you get lots of clothes when you die?
Jamaican nanny: No, not at all. Your daddy will be gone, and your mommy will be gone, and your sister will be gone, and your grandma will be gone. You will be all alone.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Louis

Posted on December 25, 2008
Central Park, Clothing, Death, Family Ties, Kids, Nurses, Questions, Weirdness

Clothing