Young white yuppie woman: Well, as long as he keeps his pants on it should be alright.
Young white yuppie man: I hope so.
–6th Ave & 42nd St
Overheard by: Daniel
Young white yuppie woman: Well, as long as he keeps his pants on it should be alright.
Young white yuppie man: I hope so.
–6th Ave & 42nd St
Overheard by: Daniel
Tourist mom, pointing to Equus sign: Oh, eek-quass. Look, and it's with your favorite, Harry Potter.
11-year-old daughter: Uh huh.
Mom: Oh! And he has no shirt on! Look, honey!
–44th & Broadway
Overheard by: Slightly uncomfortable, queezy male
Guy rushing past crowd: Why would I go to work on the day of Barneys Warehouse sale…are you insane?
–78th & Broadway
20-something white guy: Enough of this hippie shit. Let's go to the four floor Abercrombie.
–Strawberry Fields
Overheard by: Alison
Girl: I was so depressed. I actually almost bought that leather jacket from Express. Whose bright idea was it to have the MCAT testing center in a shopping district?
–1 Train
20-something woman to another: Wow, it's just like the Westchester mall here, only outside.
–Bleecker & W 10th
Very Caucasian tourist: Holy frick! Where is The Gap?
–42nd & Broadway
Middle aged woman in hot pink, yelling: I won't shop today! I will not shop! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I will not fucking shop today! I won't shop! Fuck you!
–Urban Outfitters
Guy: I mean, I called after him but he had already left.
Girl: So now you're stuck with his pants?
Guy: Yeah, I wonder when he'll notice.
–Stuyvesant High School
Three-year-old, greeting grandma in Starbucks: Grandma! Grandma! Hey grandma, are you wearing your special underpants? Are you wearing your special underpants, grandma?
Grandma (laughing): Yes, yes.
–Brooklyn Heights Starbucks
Suit to another, on smoking break: Cigarettes are out, cookies are in!
–33rd & Park Ave
Teen boy: I wanna take up smoking just to prove to people how easy it is to quit. Seriously, it's not that hard. Just don't buy a pack.
–74th & Lexington
Bum to another: And so the cops went in and found them… And you know they can't arrest them for smokin' that shit…it's part of their religion!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Francesca
Professor: The only reason valuable reason to start smoking is if you were molested as a child or some shit like that.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Girl on phone: So my roommate was bitching at me this morning for walking around in my underwear and I was like, "Dude, you got laid last night, I got yelled at by my booty call's girlfriend. I deserve to smoke cigarettes half naked on my patio."
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: innocent bystander
High school kid: Yo, I would smoke a cigarette dipped in toothpaste!
–Chambers St
MTA guy: Okay, folks, everyone out! This train is going out of service! C'mon, mister, off the train! Let's go, let's go!
Hobo, dragging enormous black trash bag: I'm going, man…my bag tore. You got another bag? I need another bag.
MTA guy: You want a bag from me? Damn! They hardly pay me anything, I can barely feed my family, when we go on strike y'all get mad at us, and now you want a bag? Ease up, man, ease up!
(pause)
MTA guy: Hey, man, your pants are falling down.
Hobo: Yeah, I can't keep 'em up.
MTA guy: You know why that is? 'cause you got the baggy fit underneath the boot cut! With the straight cut in between!
Hobo: I used to have an overcoat. I loved that overcoat. You should have seen it. I loved that coat.
MTA guy: You got five coats already! What do you need with another one?
[pauses]Hobo: Hey, you won't believe what I saw on the train the other day.
MTA guy: What's that?
Hobo: A man beatin' up on his lady.
MTA guy: Oh yeah?
Hobo: Yeah. With his shoe.
MTA guy: With his shoe! No way, man.
Hobo: I saw it.
MTA guy: Why didn't you stop him? You should have stopped him!
Hobo: Well… He was a big guy.
MTA guy: You should have stopped him! You should have hit him with your big Santa bag! Why didn't you hit him with your big Santa bag?
–A Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Man, after quizzing guy wearing shirt that says “Lay a ghost ceremony”: “Lay a ghost ceremony”? I had to ask. I thought it was sexual.
Woman: I'm glad you did, I was wondering too.
Man: It's because I'm a Scorpio. Everything is sexual to me. Even the US Postal Service box is saying something sexual to me. I mean, come on, “All service window?” You can't tell me that doesn't sound sexual.
(woman gets her package and leaves)
Man: Have a good day! Don't forget about the all service window!
–Post Office, 14th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Erin
Black teen, with I skate NY logo shirt: Hey, hey, what's the line for?
Confused white girl: I don't get your shirt.
Black teen: (amazed silence)
Confused white girl: Ohhh, it's a skateboard!
Black teen: Haha, yeah.
Confused white girl: No, no, I thought it was a…a picture of a guy with a unibrow and no mouth?
Black teen: Hey, lemme see your eyes…you have beautiful eyes.
–Virgin Megastore
Guy #1: I know, right?
Guy #2: Yeah! Thunderpants don't work!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: eliza
