A Brief History Of Wednesday One-Liners

Suit: The ancients left records all over the place. Look at the pyramids, dickhead.

–83rd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: EthanK

Drunk guy, as '80s song plays on jukebox: '80s music was so inspirational, cuz they knew Reaganomics wasn't gonna work. '90s, we were in a boom so it was like, "don't forget how bad things are!" Now music just sucks, cuz everything sucks.

–The Punch Bowl, 238th & Broadway, The Bronx

Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile

Preppy blond guy: Wow, I didn't realize The Great Depression was so bad!

–Columbia Law School

Drunk hobo yelling at sidewalk: Fuck those guys! They can't fire me! They need me! What the fuck? I built those temples, goddamnit! Those Mayans need me! I'm the only one who built those temples!

–23rd b/w 4th & 5th

Wisdom-sharing mother of two: Well, of course socks were invented first! Soccer was invented before shoes and they wore socks to play it! Why do you think it's called soccer? They were wearing socks long before they were wearing shoes.

–Restaurant, Columbus Ave

Girl: Wait! George Washington is Johnny Appleseed, right?

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Hobos, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, One-liners, Politics, Preppies, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Sports, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Suits, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Showing Up on Your Stoop

Woman: In Central Park right now, the Mormons are in full bloom!

–Bandshell, Central Park

Overheard by: Mojosaves

Chick to boyfriend: I could really use some Viagra, maybe I can get some from my grandpa. (pause) Wait, never mind, he's Mormon.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Girl: What do the Mormons have against gay people? Is it because the gays dress better? I mean, Mormons only like to wear white shirts and black pants.

–Uptown A Train

Deliriously drunk woman: I was Mormon!

–Times Square

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Central Park, Clothing, Colors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Questions, Religion, Sex, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Sales– It's Not Delivery, It's Degrading

T-shirt seller for Hair: Buy a t-shirt or a sweatshirt! The actors may be naked, but you don't have to be!
T-shirt seller friend: You need to work on your delivery.
T-shirt seller: Yeah, I know.

–Shakespeare in the Park

Overheard by: Natalie

Posted on January 29, 2009
Clothing, Friends, Nudity, Parks, Theater & Dance, Vendors & Street Performers

Unlike Earlier Today, in Court

Brunette, after woman walks away from her: Oh great, now I can stick my hand up my skirt.
Blonde: Oh, perfect timing!

–Victoria's Secret, 86th St

Posted on January 29, 2009
Body Parts, Clothing, Girls, Store, Time

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Kosher

Suit on Bluetooth headset: You just lie on the ground and squeal like a pig!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Justin

Chick on cell: A theatrical fashion show of people in assless pleather chaps and pig masks…

–W 26th St b/w 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Ladle

Hipster chick: I love bulldogs; they're like little alien piglets.

–9th St & 2nd Ave

Sorority girl, walking dog, to friend: Didn't you have a pig you could squeeze and make poop come out?

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Professor: Your mother is a pigfucker. Now, I hope you don't all go home and cry because I said that.

–Brooklyn College

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Bryant Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Man's Best Friend, On Cell, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Peanut, Pinenut, Ground Nut, Wednesday One-Liner Nut…

Ghetto girl: Hmm, I know what a peanut is, but what a walnut is?

–147th & Broadway

Man on cell: It's quite possible that my left nut is bigger than my right nut.

–82nd & Broadway

Girlfriend to boyfriend: So that's why Yoda sounds like busting a nut!

–Ave A & 6th St

Guy to friend: I've been bitten in the nuts by two different Scottish Terriers.

–7th Ave b/w 24th & 25th

Overheard by: Carmen

Guy on cell: I'm just like an anorexic. Every time they look in the mirror, they think "I'm not skinny enough," but I look in the mirror and think "these pants aren't tight enough," even though everyone tells me they can see my nuts.

–L Train

Posted on January 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Height, Man's Best Friend, Men, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Street, Trees and plants, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Just Play One on The Hills

Girl #1: That's a cute dress. Are you going to wear it with leggings.
Girl #2: I don't own leggings.
Girl #1: Why not?
Girl #2: Because I'm not an asshole.

–Penn Station

Posted on January 27, 2009
Beauty, Clothing, Girls, Insults, Penn Station, Questions

A Lost Generation Of Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster kid: I should just stop wearing underwear altogether.

–Loews Cinema, 84th St

Hipster girl on cell: Is it "i before e" or "e before i"? "E before i," right? I knew it was "i before e"!

–11th & Ave A

Overheard by: Jerome

Drunk hipster girl to boyfriend: I can't afford to buy drugs, I have to buy lunch on Wednesday.

–A Train

Overheard by: Jesse Jack

Angry hipster girl: Why are there so many ATMs everywhere?!

–6th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Cash Money

Hipster girl, commenting on painting to friend: God, you see diamonds everywhere now. They're like the new antlers.

–Bushwick Art Loft

Posted on January 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Animals & Nature, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Drunks, Food, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Hipsters, Kids, Money & Class, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Project Wednesday One-Linerway

Boy on cell: A swimsuit and a medal? That's a lot of clothes to wear. Hello? Hello?

–NYU

Overheard by: Xy

Man to other sitting on sidewalk: Dude… you know, gloves actually make your hands colder. They're not worth it, man.

–Astor Place

Small Middle Eastern male cashier to white girl: You are wearing things all black! Black bag, black coat, black hair. The only thing not black is you!

–Duane Reade

NYU hipster: People wearing white are in a cult, okay?

–NYU

Overheard by: Boots

Blind lady carrying cane, pointing to clothing on rack: Oh, this this looks good!

–Kmart, 34th St

Overheard by: AussieinNYC

Posted on January 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Cashiers, Clothing, Colors, Duane Reade, Girls, Hair, Handicaps, Hipsters, Men, Nudity, NYU, On Cell, Physical appearance, Questions, Race, Religion, Store, Students, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, White People, Women

A Fancy Feast of Wednesday One-Liners

60-year-old woman to friend, at Met opening gala: I'm not going to go to the opera this year. There are no fancy entrances.

–62nd & Amsterdam, Improvised Met Entrance

Overheard by: Melissa

Crazy man to group of young women: Hello ladies, are you having a nice night? (women ignore him) You could just say "yes." I'm not Jack the Ripper, I'm not the Boston Strangler…look at you, walking all fancy and shit!

–125th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Anna

Tourist girl: Y'all, Times Square is so fancy. They have a red lobster!

–Times Square

Hobo: Red lobster? What kind of fancy guy do you know? You're lucky if I can buy you a slice of pizza.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: hungry4biscuits

Crazy guy on subway: You have to hold onto your valuables, your Christmas presents, your fancy lingerie…because if you put them down, someone will take them. People are really fast around here. Men, women, transvestites…transvestites are really fond of fancy lingerie.

–Northbound R Train

Overheard by: ElizabethB

Posted on January 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Beauty, Clothing, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Food, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Murder, Pizza, Questions, Singing, Staten Island Ferry, Street, The Met, Thievery, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Trannies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

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