To Be Fair, the Nun's Habit Tends to Throw a Person Off

Chick #1: Did you make out with a hooker?
Dude: I didn't *make out* with anyone!
Chick #2: Did you seventh-grade kiss a hooker?
Chick #1: Did you seventh-grade *think* about kissing a hooker?
Dude: I didn't even know she was a hooker until twenty minutes into our conversation!

–F Train

Posted on November 1, 2020
Age/Aging, Default, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, On the Subway, Prostitution, Questions

Wednesday One-Liners Get Their Mouths Washed Out with Soap

Gleeful little boy: We will, we will fuck you! We will, we will fuck you! [Bursts into giggles.]

–1 train

Overheard by: caitlinj

Guy: I mean, I wasn’t expecting being fucked, either!

–55th & 8th

Overheard by: Mariah

Guy on cell: You know what? Cleo fucked you, so fuck it — we’re fucked.

–Forest Hills

Tough guy with five-year-old: Hey, buddy! Don’t fucking push me! I’ve got my fuckin’ kid here!

–1 train

Overheard by: wba

Hispanic lady with stroller, on cell: Mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Fuckin’ asshole [Spanish]… Son of a [Spanish]… Fuckin’ mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Bunny rabbit [Spanish]… Fuck.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mike N (doesn’t speak Spanish)

Posted on October 30, 2020
Boys, Dads, Default, Etiquette, Guys, Insults, Kids, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Music, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Queens, Singing, Street, Violence, Weirdness, Women, Words

Um…Yes

(guy sits next to perfect stranger)
Guy: Are you dating someone?
Girl: No.
Guy: Can I have your number?
Girl: No.
Guy: Is it because I’m black?
Girl: Of course not.
Guy: Is it because you’re a lesbian?

–C Train

Posted on October 23, 2020
Black People, Dating, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Race

Hoping to Recapture the Life She Had Before Me and You

Little girl: Where’s mommy?
Father: I told you, sweetie. Mommy’s getting her new tattoo.

–10 St & 6th Ave

Posted on October 19, 2020
Dads, Default, Girls, Kids, Parents, Questions, Tattoos, The Village

Just Keep Walking 'til Your Feet Get Wet

Woman: How do we know where it is?
Man: That guy said it's at the end of the street.
Woman: Yeah, well, where does the street end?

–Outside of St James Theatre

Overheard by: howdumbareyou

Posted on October 12, 2020
Default, Directions, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Theater, Women, Words

In That It Is a Building and Is in New York

Asian tourist: Excuse me. Excuse me!
Guy: Yeah?
Asian tourist, pointing at random building: Is that the Empire State Building?!
Guy: Yes.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Priscilla Perez

Posted on October 12, 2020
Bryant Park, Default, Foreigners, Guys, NYC Geography, Questions, Stupidity

I Haven't Felt That Way Since Dorothy Threw the Bucket on Me

Professor, after student coughs: Yes. Yes. I'm just getting over my cold. You saw me! In the theater, I was a row ahead of you!
Student: Yeah…
Professor, with infinite sadness: I had a coughing fit. I…I just…melted. I melted.

–NYU