Old man: I drink three Cokes a day!
Lady: Three Cokes! You’re in bad shape!
Old man: *I’m* in bad shape? I am 90 years old!
Lady: But Coke is bad for you! It’s full of chemicals that will mess up your biology!
Old man: Are you a biologist?
Lady: (after a long pause) Yes.
Old man: Okay then. Bye.
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Bemused
Hipster #1: Why don’t they make cat cheese? You can milk anything with nipples.
Hipster #2: Why don’t they make Robert De Niro cheese?
–Franklin Avenue Shuttle
(two girls standing in line)
Girl #1(with two cupcakes): I can justify buying two because I walk here and walk home.
Girl #2: Are you walking home tonight?
Girl #3: No.
–Magnolia Bakery
Girl #1: Oh my god, I used to go to Lucille Roberts and now I am thin enough to go to New York Sports Club.
Girl #2: That’s great! I’m so jealous.
–Smoke Break, 30 Rock
Guy #1: Yo, man. I lost seven pounds. Can you believe it?
Guy #2: Oh yeah? Really?
Guy #1: Yeah, I got a fuckin’ shoestring on my pants.
Guy #2: Uh…
Guy #1: I don’t like this. I liked being fat.
–CVS, Allerton
Overheard by: Lee
Skinny girl: I may see if she can drive me to Target later.
Friend: She has a car?
Skinny girl: Yeah, it’s the only way to be fat and live in New York.
–Williamsburg
Frat guy #1: You know, I’m trying to remember when I last heard something that obvious.
Frat guy #2: Probably when that tank you picked up told you she owned sex toys.
Frat guy #1: Dude!
–Times Square
Tourist lady #1: Look Sherry, there’s the tree.
Tourist lady #2: Wow, great! I’m soooo excited. (sees it) That’s it? Looks bigger on TV!
Tourist lady #1: Everything looks bigger on TV. Oprah isn’t really that fat.
Passerby: This ain’t Rockefeller Center ladies, go back to Kansas.
–Bryant Park Tree, 6th Ave & 41st
Overheard by: tonyElev
[Guy walks by and elbows girl in head.]Girl: Ow!
[A drunk girl is passing by.]Drunk girl: I’m sorry!
Girl: No, some guy just elbowed me in the head.
Drunk girl: Don’t worry about it. One time I met this guy here and went home with him, but it turned out he lived in Brooklyn. And he was fat.
–Bar, 14th & Ave A
Little boy: I want a Cinnabon for breakfast!
Dour mom: Now, Matthew, let me ask you a question. How many grams of sugar does a Cinnabon have?
Little boy, dejectedly: Seven.
Dour mom: And how many grams of sugar are you allowed to eat at breakfast?
Little boy: Fiiiive.
Dour mom: Well then, don’t you think… [they go out of hearing range]
–5 Train
Overheard by: Jonathan Harford
