(during a game of wiffleball)
Guy #1: Dammit, Scott hit the fucking ball!
Guy #2: Shut up, Dave! Why are you so fucking fat?!
Guy #1: I'm fat? Well, why do you still have an incurable shitting disease?
Guy #2: Because it's incurable…dick!
–Tillary St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Dan Fuckin' Murphy
Mr. Smith* (lifting student's backpack) That's overloaded. You need to get a boyfriend to carry that for you.
Student: I don't need a boyfriend.
Mr. Smith: Then find some sucker to carry it for you.
Student: I'm my own sucker!
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: The Happy Hippie
Guy in line for hot dog: Oh, so you're pregnant?
Woman in line (looks at stomach): Nope, just fat.
–Hot Dog Vendor near WTC
Overheard by: JB
Girl #1: Do you think this Beatles shirt makes me look fat?
Girl #2: No, but regardless you're still related to the founder of the KKK.
–73rd & Broadway
Dude #1: So maybe it is a chubby chaser bar… I mean, that's nothing to laugh at, it's only people expressing their heartfelt desires in a safe place.
Dude #2: Yeah, I guess so.
–Essex & Rivington, Lower East Side
(man and woman chatting, he has a slight pot belly)
Woman: Do you work out?
Man: Yes, I do, actually.
Woman (in disbelief): Really?
–Elevator 2, Penn Plaza
Fabulous woman: That’s all vodka under the bridge.
–55 Bar
Overheard by: Girl Margaret
Huge man to small child trying to participate in conversation: No, son, we’re not talking about your school–we’re talking about Bam! You trying to get all up in the Kool-Aid, but you don’t even know the flavor.
–C Train
Drunk girl, accidentally taking swig of vodka instead of water: This wetness is spicy!
–Bergen St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gnomies
Skinny teen: I wish they made diet water.
–Times Square
JAP: I’d like a Pellegrino.
–Hooters
Middle-aged suit yelling into cell: No- I want to see you drink the bong water!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Me Too…
Young male professional: So your dad’s cool with you not eating?
Young female professional: Yeah, he’s totally fine with it. He’s gonna start next week too.
–Union Square
Biotech #1: Oh my god, there is no way she weighs 123 pounds. She is so fat!
Biotech #2: Oh my god I know! It’s ridiculous.
Biotech #1 (later): I hate it when people misuse the term “Kafkaesque”. It’s so annoying.
Biotech #2: I know, right? Postmodernism sucks.
–Good Restaurant, Greenwich Ave
Fat woman #1, at intermission: Man, these seats are tight!
Fat woman #2: Oh my god, tell me about it! My butt is killing me!
Fat woman #1, to skinny guy sitting in between them: Was I spilling over into your seat?
Skinny guy: You both were.
–New Amsterdam Theatre
Overheard by: Ali
