Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.

–11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.

–Dining Hall, NYU

Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!

–Times Square

Overheard by: not another tourist

15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!

–74 Bus, Staten Island

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Bus, Cell Phone, Condoms, Cum, Education, Girls, Kosher food, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Bus, Paranoia, President, Sex, Staten Island, STDs, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

In Your Pocket?

Old man to kid with musical instrument case: Gotta big case there.
Kid: Yep, I need it for school.
Old man: Is that a shotgun?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Knively

Posted on May 23, 2010
Education, Elementary & Middle School, Instruments, Kids, Old People, On the Subway, Weapons

Also Why He Forgot to Put Yeast in the Bread

Professor: And why did Moses lead the Jews out of Egypt?
Student: Because he was stoned.

–NYU

Posted on May 21, 2010
Education, NYU, Questions, Religion, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weed

Britney Always Gets “A's” in Sulk and Sarcasm

Physics teacher: Who wants to read problem five?
Girl in front of room: Who wants to drink cyanide for breakfast?

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on May 9, 2010
Education, Fast Times at New York High, Queens, Questions, School and studying, Students, Suicide, Teachers/Professors

Who Says You Get a Little Something Extra with an Ivy League Education?

Guy: I just go to class and go right to sleep anyway. But god, the chairs are so uncomfortable I always have neck cramps when I wake up.
Girl: Ouch, that's so annoying!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: amalthya

Posted on May 6, 2010
Columbia University, Education, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, School and studying

Isn't That Amy Bishop?

Asian girlfriend, yelling: Get out of my store! You always make customers angry!
Asian boyfriend, yelling back: You are the professor of psycho!

–Bodega, Upper West Side

Posted on May 4, 2010
Anger Management, Asians, Bodegas, Comebacks, Couples, Crazy, Education, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Everyone Will Remember This in the End.

Astronomy professor: And on the test you'll all circle the answer that says…
Class, in unison: Mercury and Uranus!
Astronomy professor: Right. Mercury and my anus. So…

–Wagner College

Overheard by: At least class is never boring…

Posted on May 1, 2010
Ass, Astronomy, College, Education, School and studying, Science, Students, Teachers/Professors

Schoolteachers Don't Get Paid Enough.

Young teacher: So he would take a pack of staples, sit at his desk, pick them apart, and throw them. That's dedication!
Friend: (laughs)
Young teacher: Yeah, and then he would get his friend to call his phone from outside the classroom and it would ring and make this squeaking noise. We caught a mouse the day before, so I literally stopped the class to look for it.

–Starbucks

Posted on April 29, 2010
Animals & Nature, Education, Friends, Jobs & Careers, School and studying, Starbucks, Teachers/Professors

…Psych!

History teacher: Does anyone have any thoughts they'd like to share about the reading? Any strong opinions?
Girl: I want to share! I have a strong opinion! Can I share?
History teacher: You want to share, Amy*?
Girl: Yes!
History teacher: Go ahead.
Girl: Never mind.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on April 23, 2010
Education, Queens, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Isn't That “Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker”?

Teacher: So, in Gangs of New York, Amsterdam throws the bible into the river. What does this represent?
Student #1: He's rejecting his religion because he wants to get revenge.
Teacher: Right. The bible says…
Student #2: “You shall not get revenge”!
Teacher: I don't think that's actually what it says.
Student #2: Yeah, whatever… It could be the 11th commitment!

–St. Francis Prep, Queens

Posted on April 20, 2010
Christianity, Education, Film, Movies, Queens, School, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors, Wishes & desires, Words