Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark's & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on July 21, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B-List, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Family Ties, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Laughter, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Street, Teachers/Professors, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Should Have Hired a Sherpa

Frantic woman: Excuse me, is this the train to Manhattan?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: oliver

Tourist to companion: We've left the village now, but I don't think this is Soho.

–Stanton & Orchard

Middle-aged woman in sharp looking suit: I thought Croatia was an Asian country in Europe.

–4 Train

Woman to friends: I had four kids today label New York in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. I am such a great teacher.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mickey and Gabe

Posted on July 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Directions, Education, Friends, Kids, Lower East Side, NYC Geography, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, U.S. Geography, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

As If Doing the Right Thing Could Make You Any Money

Suit-in-training #1: Yeah, you go there and they just have you sign saying you took the class and give you the certificate, all done.
Suit-in-training #2: What's the class about?
Suit-in-training #1: Ethics, and all that bullshit stuff.

–R Train

Overheard by: Hal Shaw

Posted on July 19, 2010
Education, On the Subway, Philosophy, Questions, School and studying, Suits

At a Certain Point, Ben Stein Just Gets Creepy

Old man to Asian chick carrying Stanford bag: Hey, let me guess–you go to school in California.
Asian chick: Yeah.
Old man: Stanford has more blonde girls than any other school in the country. True story. (wanders off)

–1 Train

Posted on July 16, 2010
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Education, Old People, On the Subway, Physical appearance

Time for a Her Alibi Remake That Doesn't Suck

Student #1: Dyking it out with Kayla is my alibi.
Student #2: I thought it was “blowing the professor.”
Student #1: No, that's only if the first alibi fails.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Someone

Posted on July 15, 2010
BJs, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Education, School and studying, Students

Teachers' Union: D'Oh!

Girl to guy on packed train: I'm a teacher.
Guy: (silence)
Girl: No, I don't drink a lot.
Guy: (silence)
Girl: I get high every weekend as soon as I get away from the little monsters. There's no drug testing because of the teachers union.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Joshua

Posted on June 19, 2010
Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Trains Not Subway

Will Mary Kate Olsen Never Graduate?

Teacher: There is a kind of poison acid found in apple seeds.
Blonde: Is that how Johnny Appleseed died?

–NYU

Posted on June 13, 2010
About Celebrities, Death, Education, Fruit, Health and Hygiene, Names, NYU, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors

My So-Called Wednesday One-Liner

Peter Greene (Zed from Pulp Fiction): What happens in your life if you don't have your gallbladder?

–The Library, East Village

Girl on cell: My life is cursed, Cordelia!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Charlotte

Hobo carrying tall bamboo pole: What a life. Who wants to shoot me in the back?

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: Publius

Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Bystanding Citizen

Little girl to mom: It's okay, mom. I'll just go on and have a good life and never learn how to whistle.

–80th St & Amsterdam Ave

Posted on June 9, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, B-List, Body Parts, Central Park, Education, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Kids, Library, Moms, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, School and studying, Time, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Bypass the Language Center Of the Brain

Cosmetology teacher: We do not do sterilization in this class. That is what they do in a medical lavatory.

–Cosmetology Class, Astoria

Overheard by: Kelsey

Fat black teen shoving past white couple: I like how they ain't know how a say "excuse me."

–Wilson ave, Bushwick

Xerox repairman on cell: Yo, you sound like John Lecoozigamo! He's a comedian. Le-cooz-I-ga-mo.

–132nd St & Cypress

Overheard by: office drone

Middle-aged mother with thick Staten Island accent on cell: Ronny, where are you?! We are standing outside and we are freezing the children!

–New York City Transit Museum, Brooklyn

Indignant thug to thugette: I told her we wasn't together. How did she know I'm with you? Did you tell her differentwise?

–Q20 Bus

Overheard by: Liza

Posted on June 2, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Astoria, Black People, Brooklyn, Bus, Classroom, Clerks, Couples, Education, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, Kids, Moms, More museums, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Promiscuity, Science, Street, Teachers/Professors, Teens, The Bronx, Thugs, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Words

Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.

–11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.

–Dining Hall, NYU

Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!

–Times Square

Overheard by: not another tourist

15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!

–74 Bus, Staten Island