Guy to girl: Yeah, the reason I never wanted to drive drunk in high school is cause I didn't want to scratch my car.
Girl: Well, that's shouldn't be the only reason!
Guy: Oh, for sure–but it was a pretty sweet ride.
–62nd St & Lexington
Guy to girl: Yeah, the reason I never wanted to drive drunk in high school is cause I didn't want to scratch my car.
Girl: Well, that's shouldn't be the only reason!
Guy: Oh, for sure–but it was a pretty sweet ride.
–62nd St & Lexington
Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking.
–New School University
Overheard by: Evan Gilmer
Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better!
–Barnard College
Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important.
–Pratt Institute
Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy?
–Classroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: Rara
Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that?
–94th St & Broadway
Overheard by: DI
Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance?
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Female student on cell: We don't know anything until we know something.
–Columbia University
Balding middle aged man guiding middle aged woman down stairs: Step, step, step, step. Flat, flat, flat, flat. Step…
–Columbia
Yoga instructor to skinny college girl: Turn your head to the left. Turn your head to the left. The left. The left. The left. Your other left. I know you go to Columbia.
–Bikram Yoga, Harlem
Overcaffinated Columbia freshman girl to another: What do you mean your sociology textbook ate King Lear?
–Carman Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: that would make it difficult to finish either reading
Seven-year old boy to bookseller: Do you have any books on crop circles in this library?
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Amused bookseller a few feet away
Man to another: Don't you know? All those tunnels in Afghanistan run into the pyramids in Gaza! If I was President there would be one less pyramid.
–Soup Kitchen, Midtown
Overheard by: John Gordon
Gentleman on train: You know why they invented daylight savings, don't you? It's because of Halloween, a lot of congressmen wanted kids to have an extra hour to go trick or treating. That's why we have daylight savings.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Annie
Elderly professor: Fewer chairs, less chalk every week. It's a conspiracy!
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Denali
NYU student to another: Spinach is like sex: if you were forced to have it as a child, you wouldn't enjoy it as an adult.
–University Place & 12th St
Hobo, pointing to deli sign: They want you to toss your own salad for $8.95.
–23rd and 3rd
Overheard by: Nicole Shipman
Suit shouting into cell: Eggplant! Eggplant! Jesus Christ, what is so fucking hard about eggplant?!
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Sunny
Subway preacher: I like vegetables! You gotta eat them so you can live. I like to put vegetables in my mouth. I like the way they taste!
–N Train
Guy to another: Take the pickle, because by god if someone else does and you don't get it, well, you'll be pickle-less and that's not ideal.
–125th St
Overheard by: Brian K.
30-something man to girlfriend: I liked it. I mean, it really made me think: if twenty years from now I went in a hot tub and was transported back to today, what would I tell myself to do with my life?
–23rd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: drose
Dad to teenage children: I wouldn't see Twilight if my life depended on it. If I had to choose, I would choose to die.
–Times Square
Acting professor: Did you see how Brando picked up her glove? He wanted her to stay. Do you ever do that? Take someone's things just so you know they'll come back? (dead silence) Guess you kids just aren't devious like me…
–Tisch School of the Arts
Older man to ticket salesman: Are Precious and The Rocky Horror Picture Show a double feature?
–Clearview Cinema, Chelsea
Bored student, avoiding reading The Canterbury Tales: Is this going to teach us life lessons that we already know?
English teacher: Yes.
Bored student: Couldn't we read Chicken Soup for the Soul instead?
–Beacon St
Climber girl, pointing at friend's shoulder: I can't do that. Look at those biceps…
Friend: Those aren't biceps. Those are deltoids. Aren't you going to nursing school?
–Brooklyn Boulders
Tween to mom: But mooooooommmmmmm, I don't want to go to that school.
Mom to tween: Chris Rock's kids go there.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Cathy Borck
Teenage girl #1: What are you doing this summer? Want to have an adventure?
Teenage girl #2: Such as?
Teenage girl #1: Teaching monkeys in Africa how to eat bananas.
Teenage girl #2: I think you can handle that one yourself.
Teenage girl #1: Why are you so mean?
–Central Park
