Kathy Griffin Makes Fun Of Wednesday One-Liners

White queer to friend: So I was sitting there at the restaurant with my parents and looked to my left, and who was there? LL Cool J! Ooooh, girl, he is fine. I was all: "Hey, LL, you can park your big Underground Railroad right in my behind!"

–UES

Hipster: You can’t really enjoy Evel Knievel in the traditional sense.

–St. Mark’s Place

Nine-year old boy to another: Ooh, Indiana Jones! Look, Shia LaBeouf! I used to go out with him.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: learned something new about Shia LeBeouf

Proud teen: I had my picture taken with Dennis Rodman’s sister.

–Houston & West Broadway

Worried hipster: And I think Judge Judy would just say that I don’t have a leg to stand on.

–W 19th St

Bus driver: I know what it’s like to miss a flight. You have to ride a Greyhound bus and sit next to a fat guy who eats Cheez-Its and talks about Scott Baio way too much.

–NYAS Shuttle, JFK

Overheard by: innocent bus rider

Posted on July 23, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Boys, Bus Drivers, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, Innuendo, JFK Airport, Kids, Movies, Parents, Pictures, Queer guys, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

I Keep Eating Cheeseburgers and Sleeping with Women, to No Avail.

Hipster #1: Yeah, my 500-pound lesbian aunt went to Woodstock when she was 16. She still lives there.
Hipster #2: God, I wish I had been at Woodstock when I was 16.
Hipster #3: I wish I was a 500-pound lesbian in Woodstock.

–N 6th St, Williamsburg

Posted on July 22, 2008
Age/Aging, Default, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, U.S. Geography, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

After He Saw on Dr. Phil That Families Should Do Things Together

Young male professional: So your dad’s cool with you not eating?
Young female professional: Yeah, he’s totally fine with it. He’s gonna start next week too.

–Union Square

Posted on July 22, 2008
Anorexic, Coworkers, Default, Diet/Weight, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Psychology, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Hey, the One Thing Gays and Straights Agree on Is Julie Andrews

Guy #1: So there I was, screwing my pillow in my sleep… Ya know, really bouncing the bed.
Guy #2: So… What? She didn’t like that?
Guy #1: Well, ya know, she woke me up and asked if I was alright. Ya know. I mean I was laying there with a boner you could break rocks with and all confused. That’s when I said “Where’s Julie?”
Guy #2: That’s freakin’ messed up, man!”
Guy #1: Yeah. Crap… That being her sister’s name and all.
Guy #2: I’m going to laugh my ass off over this. Did you tell her it was Julie Andrews?
Guy #1: Fuck! I didn’t want her to think I was a pervert or something.

–NYU

Posted on July 20, 2008
About Celebrities, Default, Family Ties, Guys, Laughter, Names, NYU, Questions, Weirdness

But You Should Probably Stop Doing the Two-Hand Point

Preppy kid: It’s all fucking Guidos in this place.
Guido: You calling me a fuckin’ Guido?
Preppy kid: (sarcastically) Nooo. No, you’re no Guido. Where’s your gold chain?
Guido: My cousin ripped it off in a fight.
Preppy kid: Yeah, you’re definitely not a Guido.

–China Club

Overheard by: 13Atlantic

Posted on July 18, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Default, Family Ties, Guidos, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Preppies, Questions

And You’re Here, So That’s Good, Right?

Bar guy #1: Hey, how’s it going? How’s your brother?
Bar guy #2: He had brain surgery today.

–W 158th & Broadway

Overheard by: puppy

Posted on July 14, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Default, Family Ties, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Illness, Questions, Surgery

Once Again, You Miss the Point, Raoul

Cute girl: And ew! I can’t believe she slept with her brother!
Attractive, fashionable queer: I know! And he isn’t even that cute.

–St Mark’s Place

Overheard by: paul

Posted on July 7, 2008
Beauty, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Incest, Queer guys, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

He Hooked Up with This Chick and the Rest Was History

Guy #1: Yo, there was a party and her sister was in the shower. I went in there and fucked the shit out of her.
Guy #2: That’s all I’ve been doin’ lately. Fucking.

–Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Posted on July 4, 2008
Celebrations/Parties, Default, Family Ties, Guys, Leisure, On the Subway, Sex

See Wednesday One-Liners Run. Run, Wednesday One-Liners, Run

Drunk man to friend carrying him: And she keeps making fun of my tiny dick, but then she keeps grabbing my ass. Can you explain that to me?

–5th Ave

Overheard by: John-Boy

Man to friend: Ya know I’ve touched both your dick and your brother’s dick… and his is much bigger.

–44th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: bigstoopit

20-something guy: I’ve just decided I need to quit dicking around and buy some q-tips.

–1 Train

Overheard by: drew

Guy, yelling: I did not put Peter’s dick in my mouth. I didn’t see it, I don’t even know what it looks like! None of us even came and it’s not important!

–Greenwich Ave

Obviously straight guy: For a million dollars. I’d suck the Jolly Green Giant’s dick, I don’t care if it did break my jaw.

–MacDougal St

Posted on July 2, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On the Subway, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, Sexuality, Shopping, The Village, West Village

Luckily My Wife’s Into That

Female fan (after seeing Tom Wopat in A Catered Affair): You remind me of my father.
Tom Wopat (in New York accent): I’m like everyone’s father.

–Stage Door, Kerr Theater

Overheard by: Andi C.

Posted on June 30, 2008
Actors, Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Family Ties, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Parents, Theater, Women

Family Ties

He Hooked Up with This Chick and the Rest Was History