Preppy kid: It’s all fucking Guidos in this place.
Guido: You calling me a fuckin’ Guido?
Preppy kid: (sarcastically) Nooo. No, you’re no Guido. Where’s your gold chain?
Guido: My cousin ripped it off in a fight.
Preppy kid: Yeah, you’re definitely not a Guido.
–China Club
Overheard by: 13Atlantic
Bar guy #1: Hey, how’s it going? How’s your brother?
Bar guy #2: He had brain surgery today.
–W 158th & Broadway
Overheard by: puppy
Cute girl: And ew! I can’t believe she slept with her brother!
Attractive, fashionable queer: I know! And he isn’t even that cute.
–St Mark’s Place
Overheard by: paul
Guy #1: Yo, there was a party and her sister was in the shower. I went in there and fucked the shit out of her.
Guy #2: That’s all I’ve been doin’ lately. Fucking.
–Downtown 2 Train
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Drunk man to friend carrying him: And she keeps making fun of my tiny dick, but then she keeps grabbing my ass. Can you explain that to me?
–5th Ave
Overheard by: John-Boy
Man to friend: Ya know I’ve touched both your dick and your brother’s dick… and his is much bigger.
–44th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: bigstoopit
20-something guy: I’ve just decided I need to quit dicking around and buy some q-tips.
–1 Train
Overheard by: drew
Guy, yelling: I did not put Peter’s dick in my mouth. I didn’t see it, I don’t even know what it looks like! None of us even came and it’s not important!
–Greenwich Ave
Obviously straight guy: For a million dollars. I’d suck the Jolly Green Giant’s dick, I don’t care if it did break my jaw.
–MacDougal St
Female fan (after seeing Tom Wopat in A Catered Affair): You remind me of my father.
Tom Wopat (in New York accent): I’m like everyone’s father.
–Stage Door, Kerr Theater
Overheard by: Andi C.
Girl: I never read Ragtime.
Guy: Really? I enjoyed it very much.
Girl: Well, I tried to read it, but my older sister saw me with it and freaked. She took it away and was all “There are Eskimos masturbating in this!”
Guy: Well, they need to have fun too, you know.
–Stuyvesant High School
Dude #1: Yo son, that girl last week, Anna, she is all kinds of freaky.
Dude #2: Weird, that’s what I heard.
Dude #1: Yeah man, she wanted me to do her from behind with the lights on and shit.
Dude #2: Nigga, that shit ain’t freaky.
Dude #1: Yo, with the lights on and a dildo in her mouth.
Dude #2: Wait… Which Anna you talking ’bout, my cousin?
–A Train
Overheard by: nuttybella
Woman to another woman: It’s really the same thing. Like six and a half of another dozen.
–Times Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Billy
Black woman: He gets four weeks paid vacation! Four weeks! That’s like two months!
–34th & Broadway
Auntie someone: Yeah, my brother has like 18 kids and I ain’t even met like a hundred of ’em!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Crazy man: I just decided to become a decimal point.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Cool, cuz im a period.
Delivery truck guy, counting boxes: 18 plus 20 equals 30, plus 22 is 42.
–Midwood, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Feliz Navidad
Girl on cell: Yeah, no. Five times eight is forty… I think… Well, hopefully, anyway.
–Waverly & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyla
Jewish girl: I think my family likes me because I will fulfill my potential to be a pompous ass.
–NYU Bobst Library
Thirty-something Hispanic woman: All my nephews are boys… All of them.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Suze V
Girl on cell: Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucked my sister!
–70 & Broadway
Girl on cell: …The half-Asian, half-Jewish guy. And she’s like: "My brother is so pissed at me!" and I’m like: "Of course he’s pissed, you’ve gotten with six of his friends."
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: Peter G
Guy: I’ve seen my sister-in law’s titties so many times…
–Yankee Stadium
Girl on cell: So the little girl at the wedding was like: "Are you guys brothers?" And I was like: "No, we fuck".
–24th St b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Amy
