Eight-year-old brother speaking to four year old brother in high pitched witches voice: First I’ll burn you to a black crisp in a huge oven, then I’ll start with your flesh…
Four-year-old: What will it taste like?
Eight-year-old brother, without pausing: It will taste like a delicious steak, then I ‘ll eat your teeth and they’ll taste like crackers! But your hair, your hair will be completely burned off.
Four-year-old: [Giggles maniacally.]
–C Train
Overheard by: never having kids
Chick: Wait, you don’t take credit cards?
Street vendor: Yeah, I got a machine right here in my arm.
–Whitehall & Bridge
Man: I wonder why they named him that?
Woman: He must be shaped like their favorite vegetable.
–Midtown elevator
Overheard by: Lero
Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Erin and Willa
Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!"
–Rivington & Essex
Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes.
–2 Train
Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore!
–5th Ave & 86th
Overheard by: GerMan in NY
Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey!
–New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station
Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay.
–1st & St. Mark's
Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma!
–11th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Amanda
Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie.
–Outside Gristedes, Christopher St
Overheard by: McF
Queer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!"
–8th St & 23rd St
Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen!
–58th & 9th
Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory."
–57th & 7th
Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm!
–Amsterdam & 83rd
Chick: I have to run in here and get more ChapStick.
Guy: You just bought chapstick yesterday.
Chick: My dog steals them and eats them.
Guy: That must be why his lips are so soft.
–Columbus between 89th & 90th
Guy on cell: I eat ass like a champion.
–Havemeyer & S 1st St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: EA
Scary old guy to pretty woman: Oooh, girl, you look so fine. Tell your husband I want to bite your kneecaps off.
–West Village
Lady on cell: Yeah, I’m really hungry, too. I could really eat some nice wallpaper right about now.
–83rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Debbie
Woman: I’d rather eat homeless person’s cum than ever eat plain yogurt again.
–Clinton & Stanton
Creepy guy: Let me put it this way: I might not be compelled to eat a puppy, but I just might eat a baby. There’s just something unattractive about them.
–Bus to Penn Station
Mother to screaming child: If you don’t stop crying I am going to eat you!
–100th & Broadway
Overheard by: briana
Bouncer to girl showing ID: You’re so beautiful. I wanna put you on a pedestal… and eat your ass.
–West Village
Overheard by: RBNY
Guy: I mean, eating your own cum is one thing, but eating it on a pizza four hours later? I should probably keep my voice down…
–43rd & 8th
Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that.
–39th & Lex
Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!”
–Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Steven Lowell
Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey?
–Museum of Natural History
Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s.
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: CocteauBoy
5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?
–59th between Broadway & 7th
Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub
Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much.
–American Wing Cafe, the Met
Overheard by: guingel
MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Brewster
Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: Jon A.
Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jon
Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will.
–53rd & Broadway
Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.
–10th St & 1st Ave
Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.
–Q101 bus
Overheard by: Kaleena
Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus.
–14th St 1 station
Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard!
–59th & 7th
Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.”
–The Strand, Broadway
Overheard by: Miss Parker
