Patron: What kind of vegetables do you have?
Surly Russian waitress: Boiled.
–Brighton Beach
Overheard by: cg
Patron: What kind of vegetables do you have?
Surly Russian waitress: Boiled.
–Brighton Beach
Overheard by: cg
Woman: One time this guy punched me…but it was alright, cause I was on coke.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Laura Grossman
Female hipster on cell: I'm coked up and all alone, Harvey, how do you expect me to feel?
–Humboldt & Ainslie, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Joseph Hernandez
Girl on cell: I haven't done coke in like a week. It's been a rough week.
–Upper East Side
Hot 20-something tourist girl to friend: Pfft, the Meatpacking District. That's false advertising…I got no meat packed in me last night. All I did was steal that bag of cocaine from those guys.
–Broadway & Wooster
Overheard by: ClassyGal
Female 20-something on phone: Yeah, he realized it was too late when he couldn't tell the difference between the piles of sugar, the piles of flour, and the piles of cocaine.
–Central Park
Daughter: I'm huuuungry.
Mother: Okay, but no cup…
Daughter, interrupting: Cuuuuupcaaaaakes!
–85th St, Gym
Overheard by: Amused Front Desk
Scruffy man to another, walking by where a food cart usually is: Hey, that food cart ain't there?
Other man: You eat there! That's supporting terrorists!
Scruffy man: So! That shit's cheap!
–Post Office, 33rd St
Waitress: Would you like soup or salad with that?
Loud queer: I’ll have the salad, if it’s clean.
Waitress: [Silence.]Loud queer: Who’s making the salad?
Waitress: Jonathan.
Loud queer: Oh, if Jonathan’s making it, then it’s clean. I’ll have the salad.
–Mudd, 9th Ave, between 1st & 2nd St
Barista: Would you like to try a cappuccino muffin?
Customer: No, thanks. I don’t want to start my appetite yet.
–Starbucks, 45th & Broadway
Overheard by: Cat
Headline by: Mandaliet
Runners-Up:
· “And i don’t want to have to shove this down your fucking throat, but i will if… Whoa… Too much soft jazz, if you know what i mean… Sorry.” – Mike Chmiel
· “Its Bad Enough My Lungs Keep Breathing” – Chuckie
· “Stomach: Let’s Get Ready To Rummmmmmmble!” – Paul K.
· “The first step is admitting you have an appetite.” – greg
Hipster: I found a bag of potatoes the other night, and we were throwing them at razor wire.
–Filene’s Basement
Chick: Everybody needs a pickle. He’s like my pickle.
–31st & 36th, Astoria
Overheard by: Jill
Old baker guy to young baker guy: See — the ones that are burned on the bottom — you know they’re done, so you take them out. If they’re not burned, they aren’t done yet, so you move them to the front of the oven.
–Fairway, 74th & Broadway
Old woman to friend: So then I told her, ‘Fuck you and your lamb curry!’
–3rd & MacDougal
Lady to hubby: Is this sushi not cooked?
–JetBlue terminal, JFK
Lady: He was really upset about tonight. He was all ‘Yogurt! Yogurt night is ruined!’ Shook his fists and everything.
–86th & Lex
Overheard by: KCast
Hobo: Can anybody help me? Can anybody help me get some food? Can anybody help me get something to eat? I appreciate it.
20-something girl, handing him a ziplocked sandwich: It's peanut butter and jelly.
(hobo hands it back, reconsiders, opens bag, sniffs it, and reluctantly eats it)
Hobo eating sandwich: Cam amymumy hem me. Cam amymumy hem me geh some food that's not a peanut butter sammich. I appreciate it.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Albertro
Customer: Excuse me, can I ask you a question?
Wine guy: Sure.
Customer: Do you eat this cheese, or do you put it on food?
Wine guy: What?
Customer: Do you eat this cheese, or do you put it on food?
Wine guy: Like…are you asking if it can be eaten by itself?
Customer: Yeah.
–93rd & Broadway liquor store
Teenage girl #1: But what if humans could lay eggs too?
Teenage girl #2: That’s disgusting! I wouldn’t want to eat your eggs!
Teenage girl #3: You know, then you could always survive. Even if you were trapped on an island. You could just eat your own eggs!
Teenage girl #1: Yes. But, only once a month.
–East Houston St
