Little girl: I am looking for the rat that we saw eating throw-up. It was… soooo…
Dad: Soooo awesome… I remember!
–Rector & Trinity
Little girl: I am looking for the rat that we saw eating throw-up. It was… soooo…
Dad: Soooo awesome… I remember!
–Rector & Trinity
Big girl: You're sweet.
Cute girl: No I'm not, I'm full of piss and vinegar.
–Metro-North Rail
NYU nerdy chick on cell: The oral is going to be super hard. …But I think I’ll be good at it.
–NYU
Overheard by: kat
Clerk, to female co-worker: I keep my meat to the side.
–Walgreens, Atlantic Ave
Girl: Bite and suck, bite and suck, bite and suck!
–Szechuan Restaurant
Overheard by: tallierand
Female customer to employee: …the gum that has the things in it. She likes to chew on the ones with the blue balls.
–Duane Reade, Fresh Meadows
Overheard by: evan FM
College sophomore: … So yeah, I said "Mom, stop rotating my pickle!"
–USA #1 Deli, La Salle & Broadway
Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze
Father to younger son: So you like second base right?
–Douglaston Market, Queens
Overheard by: Noelle
Little girl: Daddy, daddy, will you buy me some Easter candy?
Father: No, sweetheart. We don’t celebrate Easter–we’re Jewish.
Little girl: But mommy buys me Easter candy!
Father: It’s not my fault your mother has abandoned her principles.
–Times Square
Bimbette #1: Some people take roadkill and mount it on their walls.
Bimbette #2: Some people eat roadkill, too. They just take it off the street and cook it.
Bimbette #1: Oh… I don’t know if that’s really clean, though.
Bimbette #2: Well, it only got hit by a car. It didn’t get, like, whatever. It can’t be that dirty.
Bimbette #1: Oh, true.
–Dorm elevator, 3rd Ave N, NYU
Overheard by: freckles
Granddaughter: I spy… Grandma… You have to listen…I spy with my little eye, something that helps adults.
Mother: Chocolate.
Grandmother: Alcohol.
Granddaughter: No! Bank of America!
Mother: That helps adults?
–7th & Broadway
Headline by: Botticus
Runners-Up:
· “…In THIS Economy?!” – Pablo & Pablo
· “I Slept Wth a Teller Once” – Yoli
· “If by Help, You Mean Fuck and by Adults, You Mean Shareholders…Then, Well Played” – cmm
· “Sure, That’s the Third Person They Helped Off the Floor & Gave a Tissue Too” – tatts
· “Well, Maybe Not Where YOU Go, but I Get Mani-Pedis Everytime I Go There” – Anthony
Girl: Oh god! That woman stinks of garlic.
Guy #1 : What, the one picking her nose?
Guy #2: Maybe she’s trying to dislodge a clove of it or something…
Girl: No, it’s more chest-based. Like she rubbed it all over her breasts.
–F train
Guy #1: Who, Trisha? Hell nah, She never calls me. She sucks.
Guy #2: Nah nigga, she doesn’t suck; she licks.
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: Isn’t she a lesbian now or some shit?
Guy #1: I don’t know!
Guy #2: Well I heard she is and like I said, she doesn’t suck. She licks. The bitch eats vagiburgers.
–McDonald’s, 42nd & 7th
Overheard by: Shanny O.
Girl #1: I love cheese steaks.
Girl #2: Me too, they are my favorite drunk food.
Girl #1: They are so bad for you.
Girl #2: It doesn't matter, I'll just throw it up anyways.
(both start laughing)
–PATH
Teen girl: My dad told me that pee was nutritious.
Friend: Oh? Pee's only like 95% water and 5% waste. I don't think there's any nutrition in it.
Teen girl: Oh.
(a few minutes later)
Teen girl: Do you think pee would taste like sugar if all you ate were sugar and water?
Friend: Then wouldn't the pee be like 95% water and 5% sugar?
–6 Train
