British man in funny hat: All we want is a way to make ourselves more comfortable…
Ruffled employee: I already told you — the organic laxatives are that way!
–Fairway Market
Overheard by: obviously chortling
British man in funny hat: All we want is a way to make ourselves more comfortable…
Ruffled employee: I already told you — the organic laxatives are that way!
–Fairway Market
Overheard by: obviously chortling
French exchange student, pointing at American flag on school: Why are there so many flags?
Host mother: Well, there are flags on public buildings, and that’s a public school.
French exchange student: Is it a good school?
Host mother: No.
French exchange student: Is it bad, like in the movie?
Host mother: Not that bad, but not good.
–Houston & 7th Ave South
Ghetto girl crossing against the light, as cabbie honks: Dat’s right! Dat’s right! Dat’s right! Hit me! I needs the fuckin’ money!
Brit tourist, waiting for ‘Walk’ light: Oh, how charming.
–32nd & 7th
Overheard by: Just Trying to Make My Train
Foreign tourist: Do you know if this train goes to Madison Square Garden?
MTA worker: Madison Square Garden? Whaaat? No… Madison Square Garden is in New York City. You’re in the wrong city, guys. [Foreign tourists look at each other, panicking.] Must have taken the wrong train gettin’ here, huh?
Foreign tourists hesitate, then run to catch up to MTA worker: How do we get back to New York?!
–Whitehall station
Overheard by: dan.j.w.
Chirpy British lady: Ah, you like that all ovah, then?
Man with tattooed arms: … Uh, a little bit [disembarks].
Chirpy British lady smiles around at other passengers.
–3 train
Overheard by: Hilary
Jamaican nanny on cell: Girl, I just got back from a four day vacation. Where? My bed. We fucked nonstop for four days like dogs. I couldn’t even get out to take a shit.
Mother: Excuse me, there are children around.
Jamaican nanny: Fuck the children!
–Food Emporium, UWS
Overheard by: Dan
Old Turk #1: Hello!
Old Turk #2: How are you?
Old Turk #1: Where have I seen you before?
Old Turk #2: I don’t know!
–Kennedy International Airport
Fat Midwestern girl: Is your dad a miner?
Thin European woman: Yes, he is!
Fat Midwestern girl: For how long has he been a miner?
Thin European woman, proudly: Thirty years!
Fat Midwestern girl: He’ll be dead in 10 years.
–Q train
British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.
–1 train
Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!
–Bronx Science engineering class
Overheard by: LSB
Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?
–41st & Broadway
Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.
–1 train
Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: Ashley
Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: still recovering
Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Oh My God
French hipster girl: I got allergies in New York.
Hipster boy: How can you tell they’re allergies and not a cold? I mean, it’s winter.
French hipster girl: Well, I know because the back of my thong is itchy.
–JFK
