Girl #1: I refuse to take a Women’s Studies class and lower my morals.
Girl #2: I have a friend in that class, he’s one of 2 guys in there; the rest are all man-haters.
Girl #3: I hear the only way to get an A is to come out during class, or say how you were abused as a child. I’ll stand up in class and say, “I live with my boyfriend but I’m a lesbian; can I have my A now?”
–Pace Unversity
Middle aged man: I feel as though methamphetamines don't destroy your mind so much as ruin your body and make you cover it in tattoos. It's not like they were on heroin.
Companion, nodding his head: Mmm-hmm.
–5th St & 19th St
Guy in business casual: Deer, zombies, Nazis… They're all fair game in my book.
Friend: I've never been hunting before, but I do like fishing.
–73rd St
Overheard by: Irish Dave
Girl, dejected: You know, it’s just so hard to do right now.
Sympathetic guy: Yeah, yeah… Plus, it’s a felony.
–66th & York
Overheard by: Dave C
Girl #1: You were right, she’s preggers.
Girl #2: I knew it. How old do you think she is?
Girl #1: I dunno, a year or two older than we are?
Girl #2: That’s it? I don’t even have a boyfriend, and she’s having a baby. I swear to God, I’ll give myself until 32, and then I’m trapping someone.
–15th & 5th
Black man: I can never watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awkwardly erotic thing I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of food and female.
–Pratt Coffee Shop, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Maryrose
Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: "and that's the history of ham"!
–Queens
Overheard by: alex
Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray's for hot dogs with you, but I can't. I gave up tubed meat for lent.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Caroline
Cute teen girl: It'd be like a floppy bag of meat… (pause) I'm not talking about dick!
–Starbucks
Woman placing drive-thru order: And two junior bacon cheeseburgers. Actually, I don't want the bacon. I don't want to get the swine flu.
–Wendy's Drivethru, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Oh the Pig-manity!
Upset Orthodox Jew mother to baby in stroller: Bacon!? Who told you about bacon!?
–West End & West 100th St
Man #1: Why do you read that crap? Ads for hookers, transvestites! What did you pay for that?!
Woman, reading The Village Voice: It’s free.
Man #2: The hookers aren’t free.
–2 train
Overheard by: West Sider
Woman to another: I mean, about the thing… he is ugly but at least he get it up!
–Abingdon Square Park
Man to friend: Ugly people aren't people!
–10th St & 5th Ave
Suit: Yeah, I couldn't deal with the paparazzi. I once saw a picture of Katie Holmes with a pimple, and now I think she's the ugliest person I ever saw.
–Governors Island
Overheard by: Natalie
Girl to guy friend: I cannot believe you volunteered me like that! I'm going to start volunteering you to people… unattractive people. Like Leroy*.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Michael O'Connor
Bus driver on packed bus: Okay, everybody, we need to reorganize the bus. Can all the good-looking people move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly-looking people move to the front? Thank you.
–M86 Bus
Overheard by: Michael
Girl #1: I think the subway is, like, the Disney Monorail of New York City.
Girl #2: Yeah, but underground… Wow, I never thought of it like that!
–N Train
Overheard by: Lauryn McC.
Guy to friend: Are you gay, man?
Friend: I'm not fucking gay, I just want to hold your fucking hand!
Hobo: I'll hold your hand, buddy.
–2nd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Just wanted a milkshake…
