Gadgets

I Did, for Christ’s Sake!

Chinese customer: Hey, do you work here?
Chinese salesman: Yes.
Chinese customer: Okay, are you guys going to have the PlayStation Three when it comes out?
Chinese salesman: It comes out November 17th.
Chinese customer: I know — are you guys going to have it?
Chinese salesman: It comes out November 17th.
Chinese customer: Okay… I know that. Are you guys going to sell it?
Chinese salesman: I don’t know if we have pre-orders.
Chinese customer: So, are you going to sell it on November 17th?
Chinese salesman: Yes, yes, we sell on November 17th — first come, first serve.
Chinese customer walks away mumbling: Damn, man, learn some English.

–J&R Music, City Hall

Overheard by: Hugh

When Was It Ever about Deserving?

Guy #1: I bought Xbox to play Spiderman 2.
Guy #2: I bought it to play Knights of the Old Republic.
Guy #3: I bought PlayStation One to play Final Fantasy Seven.
Chick: You’re all losers who don’t deserve girlfriends.

–Office, 47th & 6th

Overheard by: Joe

I Said I Just Whacked Off

Coworker #1: So what’ve you been up to?
Coworker #2: The usual. Just whacked off.
Coworker #1: Dude, you’re on speakerphone.

–Office, Midtown

Overheard by: Madeline

Must Be an OINY Reader

Tourist #1: Can you take our picture?
Young man: Sure.

Tourists put on “Chinese” hats and make their eyes slanty by pulling at the corners.

Tourists: Ching, chow, chey, high-ya!
Young man: I’m not sure you should do that.
Tourist #1: Do you think they know we’re making fun of them?
Young man: Nooo…I bet they think it’s just what crazy Europeans do when taking pictures.

Young man hands back camera and walks away quickly.

Young man to friend: That was so offensive I think it was funny.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: chapster

…And Added Some Strychnine To Her Birth Control Pills

Pharmacist: You should probably re-sign your card.
Woman: Why?
Pharmacist: Well, you signed over the magnetic strip. You’re supposed to sign over the white part down here.
Woman: Then how would the machine read my signature? That doesn’t make any sense.
Pharmacist: No, it’s a magnetic strip. It reads the information, not the signature.
Woman: I don’t think you know what you’re talking about. That’s not how the machines work. You’re a pharmacist, not an electrician.

Then the pharmacist gave up.

–Zitomer, 76th & Madison

Overheard by: Helena

Boil Wednesday One-Liners for Three Minutes to Sterilize

Thirty-something mom: Just to be clear, it isn’t a vibrator. It’s just a dildo.

–TKTS line

Guy on cell: So you’re expecting the crackhead’s knife to be sterilized?

–outside Grand Central

Ask Him About His Glass Eye

Man: You know, there was this electric wheelchair woman, she saw the bus coming and like, zipped right in front of us so we couldn’t get on.
Bus driver: Yeah man, they’re fast, those electric ones.
Man: Yeah.
Bus driver: And vicious.

–M15 bus downtown

Overheard by: running late for work

I Think There’s a Flaw Here Somewhere

Teen: This car is stolen.
Man: What the fuck you talking about?
Teen: I got a StolenCarReport on my phone about this car being stolen.
Man: Muthafucka, you about to get your phone stolen.

–Montague & Hicks, Brooklyn Heights

Love the Chirp, Hate the Chirper

Incoming chirp: Where you at?
Guido #1: I fuckin’ hate this shit, man! In the morning 8 am, while I’m takin’ a shit, all fuckin’ day! “Where you at?” Just leave me the fuck alone!
Guido #2: Hahaha…Why don’t you just turn it off?
Guido #1: Nah, then I wouldn’t get chirped.

–College of Staten Island

Aim for Where Freedom Lives: The Head

Teen Asian boy: So, the spelling bee–
Teen Indian girl: Was one of the kids Indian?
Teen Asian boy: Yeah, there was an Indian kid and a white kid.
Teen Indian girl: So typical. My parents entered me in a spelling bee and I was fucking horrible.
Teen Asian boy: Ha, ha, ha! Anyway, there were those two kids and I just wanted to throw PlayStations at them and yell, “I’m setting you free! I’m setting you free!”

–McDonalds, Union Square

Overheard by: Rachel W.

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