Girl, while texting: Cindy, this is so weird.
Cindy: What is?
Girl: My predictive text. My phone recognizes “intravaginal”, “labradoodle,” “hornswoggle” and “clusterfuck,” but won't recognize “pomegranate” or “wildebeest!”
Cindy: Why would you need to use those words?
Girl: I like those pomegranate jelly beans my mom got from T.J. Maxx.
–M1 Bus
Snooty alternative chick: So, for some reason I always get these creepy guys talking to me on the train. This one guy on the ride over here looked over at my iPod and I was listening to The Fall, right? And he’s like, ‘That’s an interesting song. It’s like punk, right?’ And so then he pulls out his iPod and starts trying to impress me with his shitty music list.
Alternative guy: What was on it?
Snooty alternative chick: Blink 182 and Good Charlotte and stuff… And it’s like, ‘Um, you’re a guy on the N train who started talking to me, you’re not gonna get in my pants… And you’re especially not gonna get in my pants if you don’t know who The Fall are! That’s totally a prerequisite.’
–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl
Irish girl: So who were these boys she was caught trespassing with?
American girl: I don’t know, but my dad said one of them was named Jesus.
Irish girl: Oh Jesus, so she’s hanging out with Muslims now?
–Woodlawn, The Bronx
Teen girl: Hey, did you see that really hot guy at the pool?
Boyfriend: Yeah, the one with the black hair and the nice body?
Teen girl: Yeah… He was really hot.
Boyfriend: Yeah, I'd fersure tap that.
(long pause)
Boyfriend: I think I might be gay.
–2 Train
Overheard by: bethany
Chick: The waiter said I couldn’t sit on his lap. Then he said not only couldn’t I sit on his lap, that the people next to us complained that I was sitting on his lap! That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard in my life, that you can’t sit on someone’s lap in a restaurant. And to blame the people next to us, who were lovely?
–Our Place, 3rd Avenue
Girl to old man in baseball cap: What does the “E” on your hat stand for?
Old man: (unintelligible)
Girl: The “E”? What does it stand for?
Old man: (unintelligible)
Black lady observing scene: E stands for the English he don’t speak.
–A Train
Overheard by: Brenda
Girl #1: Did you know babies have natural reflexes? Like, if you stick your finger in their hand, they'll grab it, and if you try to pull it away, they'll hold on to it for like a minute.
Girl #2: Did you know if you punch a baby in the face, it'll cry?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: mkb
Bi-curious guy to gaggle of girls: He wakes up every morning, looks in the mirror and says, “I hope I don't have herpes.”
Girl #1: Has he gotten tested?
Bi-curious guy: No, he's too afraid.
Girl #2: I would be too if I'd been around that much dirty snatch.
Girl #1: Wouldn't you be able to tell if you had herpes?
–Sheepshead Bay
White girl, yelling to black friend: Heather! Come to the back of the bus and sit with me!
Heather: I ain't no Rosa Parks!
–Bus, Brooklyn
Girl #1: I got sick today from a eating plum a Hare Krishna gave me. They like…put something on it!
Girl #2: What's a Hare Krishna?
Girl #3: Oh my god, they are like this cult that John Lennon invented.
–NYU Dining Hall
Overheard by: Isabel
