Girl #1: Dreadlocks are so dirty. How do you wash them?
Girl #2: My friend told me about this guy she knew whose dreads were so dirty that one day he found a scorpion in them.
Girl #3: Are you sure it wasn’t just lice?
Girl #2: No, it was a scorpion.
Girl #4: Well, wait, where was he from?
Girls #1, #3, and #4, together: Jamaica?
–41st & Madison
Overheard by: Scorpions are creepy
Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don't know if I can lead the committee anymore, 'cause I've got my gay male privilege.
–W 13th St
Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C'mon, help support the people that made your clothes!
–10th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras?
Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she's already got her gaydar on.
–4 Train
Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.
–Christopher St
Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.
–Times Square
11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.
–Bronx Playground
Black guy: I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I love guys!
–Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn
Angry hipster girl, crossing intersection diagonally: Fuck them! I have the fucking right of way!
Hipster boyfriend: No, you don't! You just walked through the middle of an intersection!
Angry hipster girl: I don't fucking care, I still have the fucking right of way!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Phillip
Girl #1: I think he is bipolar.
Girl #2: Umm…he's dyslexic. There's a big difference.
–Frank Sinatra School of the Arts High School
Headline by: PeterG
Runners-Up:
· “Bi-Curious Perhaps?” – muppet show
· “Either Way He’d Make a Perfect Phys Ed Instructor” – Ron D.
· “I’m Sorry…I Meant Diqolar” – Slater
· “You Say ‘Tomato’, I Say ‘Fuck You, I’ll Cut You!'” – Frank Vasquez
Girl #1: Where are all the violent toys?
Girl #2: Does he like trucks?
Girl #1: No, he’s violent. There’s no violent toys; this store is too good.
Girl #2: I’ll talk to the manager about that.
–West Side Kids, Amsterdam Avenue
Overheard by: kreg
Girl talking to another girl: I like rectal physiology.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: no need to take her to a movie
Fireman, mocking drunk voice and crazy walking: Where are my kneecaps? Has anyone seen my kneecaps? Where the hell did my kneecaps go?
–Times Square
Overheard by: jacki
Man on street talking seriously to friend: And then the lady’s head fell into the toilet bowl.
–White St & W. Broadway
Overheard by: I would have loved to hear the ending of this story..
Guy: It would be better if we could see our own bodies cut up, all laid out on front of us like this!
–Entering the Bodies Exhibition, South Street Seaport
Girl in train: It’s so cold that my ears are freezing their asses off!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Not High, Kumar
Woman at next table: Well, I only get cold sores on my nose.
–The Mermaid Inn, 2nd Ave & 5th
Teen daughter: Amy Winehouse just won all the Grammys.
Father: That’s not right. They shouldn’t be doing shit like giving people in jail awards.
–26th & 9th
Hippie #1: Girl, I think it might be beneficial for me to go to therapy.
Hippie #2: Oh, you should go to the girl my friend uses — it’s only 20 bucks a session!
Hippie #1: Then why does she still cut herself?
–E 60th & Madison
Earnest sidewalk pollster: Sir? Have you got a minute to talk about the sanitation department? Do you think it's normal?
–51st St & Lexington
Overheard by: jake-e
Conductor, bending down before fainted man: C'mon! Dude! What did I tell you before? Get up and sit down and pass out in the seat like regular normal people. People think you're dead. Get up.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: I guess not a normal person
Girl, during History of Islam class: Miracles show us what's normal and what's, like, super above normal.
–Hunter College
Woman, bending down to adjust child: You have to walk normally now–like a normal person.
–Museum of Natural History
Nerd guy to friend: It wouldn't be child labor. You just hook them up to electrodes, connect them to the the power grid, and have them play on the playground like normal!
–Shuttle to Times Square
Chick #1: The East Village is so gentrified.
Chick #2: Yeah. Brooklyn is really gentrified. It didn’t used to be like that.
Chick #1: America… is pretty gentrified.
Chick #2: Yeah.
–St. Marks & A
Overheard by: Dav Ellman
