Girls

Maybe She's Born with It? Maybe It's Wednesday One-Liner.

Guy preaching on subway: I noticed I would always get hit on by beautiful women when I was with a woman, so I started hanging out with lesbians, and now we pick up women together.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Alexis

Panhandler going through train: God bless you, will anyone spare some money? God bless you, damm! You have a pretty white girlfriend.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Jackie

Woman giving out free loot: You girls are so pretty, want some condoms?

–Grand Central Station

Hobo: Why do rich men get to marry all the pretty girls, kill them, and get away with it?

–125th St

Trashed girl, coming out of bathroom: I hate when guys say, "you're pretty enough."

–Bar 9, 54th & 9th

Overheard by: Ladle

Big slobby schlub, loudly talking to buddy: So, she was about to become another disposable pretty girl.

–W 66th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Rambling crazy man: All of you women look beautiful, but in the end, y'all still have to take a shit!

–L Train

Overheard by: The City Planner

I Find Starvation Heightens His T-Ball Game

Girl #1: Look at these pictures.
(girl #2 starts to look at pictures)
Girl #2: Oh look, my son looks like one of those… uhhh… hmmm…? I forgot what they are called.
Girl #1: A hungry child?
Girl #2: Yeaaaah, like one of those kids from a third world country.

–Buhre Avenue, Bronx

Overheard by: DaILList4Ever

But First I’ll Stuff Him with Chocolate!

Girl #1: Mom wants you to dress Jose up for Halloween.
Girl #2: He’s only 1 1/2 years old. What would I do that for?
Girl #1: Dress him up as an M&M.
Girl #2: Oh, right.

–L Train

Overheard by: Christopher

Or a Bench Press, for Hanging Clothing On

Girl #1: I really need to get fit, I need to buy a tredmill, you know, so I can just sit there and use it.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Lisa

It’s Always Gonna Be a Woman’s Issue

Chick: She’s gonna have to run here… It closes at eight.
Meathead: Oh, but that bitch can run! I saw her running for birth control one time, and she fucking ran faster than me.

–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU

Scene from Every Puberty Movie Ever Made

Girl #1: So, like, I don't understand why everything is so… strange.
Girl #2: Strange as in… mot normal?
Girl #1: I mean strange as in weird.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jenn

Another Outburst and I’ll Clear the Powder Room

Security guy: Ma’am, please step into the back of the store.
Chick: But why?
Security guy: Don’t make this harder on yourself.
Chick: But why?
Shopgirl: They do make it harder on themselves, don’t they?
Chick: Fuck you!

–Sephora, Spring & Broadway

Later He Affixed Some Rubber to Dampen His Impact on Her

20 something man, jumping up as seat collapses under him: You see?! That happens to me every time I stand up from sitting on them, too. I sit down KNOWING it’s going to happen, but it always gets me.
20 something girlfriend: I know, I do the same thing.
20 something man: I mean, how hard would it be to affix some rubber or something so that it dampens the impact?
20 something girl: …and doesn’t scare everyone on the train.
20 something man: Yeah.
[Someone stands up from sitting on one at other end of train causing everyone to jump and look over.]20 something girl: See, I’m sayin!
20 something man: Actually, I think I kinda like it. It’s sort of organic, keeps you on your toes. You never know what the MTA will throw at you…

–2 Train

Overheard by: Ohiowatha

What Passes As Gentlemanly in NYC

Girl #1: That show was so good.
Girl #2: I know — some guy tried to finger me.
Girl #1: What?!
Girl #2: Yeah… He was dancing with his girlfriend and then he turned around and saw me. It was kinda nice…

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Kelly

Cute, Cuter, Wednesday-One-Linest

Portly young woman browsing dress for herself, nonchalantly: Oh, this is cute, but too bad it doesn't come in fat-ass-bitch size.

–Target, Brooklyn

20-something girl to boyfriend: Oh my god, you are so cute I just wanna punch you in the face!

–135th & 5th

Overheard by: Howzith

Middle-aged woman on cell exiting bus: You have a blessed day! (to phone) No, not you! I was talking to the bus driver–he was really cute!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: B44 rider

Student fundraiser to passerby: Taiwan needs help! Hey, you're cute enough to help Taiwan!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: L-Dubbs

Cute blonde to friend at gym: Oh my god! Look! That looks like a cuter version of this bald guy I slept with in a closet over the summer!

–14th & 3rd

Overheard by: Rob Lovett

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