PETA-Approved Wednesday One-Liners

HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be surprised how many vegetarians are into meaty chicks.

–E train

Man eating salad: Vegetarians should be evolutionarily punished.

–Small diner, Chinatown

Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the reason he doesn’t like oral sex is because he’s vegan? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it.

–112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Gigi

Cougar dining with pals: I’m an animal-lover, so I’m going to get the fish.

–Rue 57, 57th & 6th

Crazy woman: Vegetarians have better sex!

–F/V train stop, Houston & 1st Ave

Overheard by: So, no hot beef injection?

Woman handing out leaflets for veganism: Come on, come on! Vegans have better sex! No, really — try me!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: What is she trying to sell here?

Posted on June 13, 2015
Advice, Animals & Nature, BJs, Boys, Chinatown, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Default, Diet/Weight, Flyer people, Friends, Girls, Ladies Who Lunch, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sex, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vegetarian & Vegan, Weirdness, Women

Wishing for Things That Are Already True Is a Great Way to Keep Oneself Feeling Fulfilled

Girl #1: I wish the bus would come.
Girl #2: I wish I was a girl.

–Madison Ave

Posted on June 13, 2015
Gender issues, Girls, Public Transportation, Street, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Hope for Conjugal Visits

Trench coat guy on cell: Are they arresting you?

–72nd & West End

Overheard by: orlum

Woman rushing inside: Oh my god! I was almost an eyewitness to something!

–Viacom building, 44th & Broadway

Overheard by: bonster

Man on cell: I’m sorry to bother you, but I really don’t wanna go to jail…

–S 2nd & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Are All Criminals So Polite?

Guy: That’s so true! He’ll willingly go to jail just for the free sex!

–Union Square Park

Chick toting a baby: Yeah, but I ain’t qualify fo’ that ’cause of all them felonies I got.

–Ridgewood, Queens

Overheard by: Grytsayo

Posted on June 13, 2015
Backdoor, Crime and Punishment, Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Prison, Queens, Questions, Sex, Soho, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Wednesday Puts on Its One-Liners One Leg at a Time

Ghetto dude on phone: Do you know what I could do with that money? I could get a new pair of pants… or maybe get my hair done.

–Broadway & 86th St

Girl to another: I had this teacher in high school who wore the tightest pants. Camel toe all the time.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Giancarlo

Annoying sober 20-something, returning from bathroom: God! I'm so sweaty, it made it really hard to pull my pants down.

–Diner, 3rd Ave

Teenage girl to another: He came here to do a concert. He probably doesn't want to hear you scream, "Take your pants off!"

–Battery Park

Posted on June 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Hair, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sex, Singing, Sweat, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Same Dynamic That Makes People See Slasher Movies

Overexcited teenage girl, picking up a copy of Alice Sebold's Lucky: Oh my god. Do not read this book. It will make you want to kill yourself, and the author.
Bored teenage boy: Really? I'm not that… depressed or anything.
Overexcited teenage girl: Neither was I!

–Columbia University Bookstore

Overheard by: amused bookseller

Posted on June 12, 2015
Advice, Books & Writing, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Murder, Psychology, Store, Suicide, Teens, Wishes & desires

Not All Babies Should Be Photographed

Girl, looking at friend's cell phone: What is that?
Friend: A baby!
Girl: Oh, I thought it was chicken. It looks like a barbecued chicken.

–4 Train

Posted on June 11, 2015
Babies, Birds, Cell Phone, Food, Friends, Girls, On the Subway

Darwin: “See?”

Ghetto-fabulous girl standing at crosswalk while cars whiz by: Why ain't we crossin'?
(friend points to cars)
Girl: Oh.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on June 11, 2015
Cars and Driving, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Penn Station, Questions, Stupidity

What’s That? You Have a Bomb?

Tourist girl to friend: Oh my god, people are totally going to know we’re from Boston when they hear our accents!
Guy sweeping cigarette butts: No, people are going to know you’re from Boston when they hear you freak out and call the bomb squad over one of our electronic ads.

–49th & 9th

Overheard by: guy who dropped a couple of the cigarette butts

Posted on June 11, 2015
Blue-collar workers, Comebacks, Cops, Friends, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, U.S. Geography

Lesbians: Yeah, It’s a Fuckin’ Riot

Chick #1: I wonder if we look like lesbians.
Chick #2, holding her hand: Yep, we do! It’s funny.
Chick #1: Yeah, I love it!

–53rd & 6th

Posted on June 10, 2015
Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sexuality

Let's Make Some Coffee–These Negotiations Could Take All Night.

Cute blonde: I like fucking you. No, I love fucking you.
Buff guy: Yeah.
Cute blonde: But if I suck your dick and you cum, you'll fall asleep.
Buff guy: How about you suck my dick and then I fuck you?
Cute blonde: That never happens. But if you come with me to my friend Sam's party, I'll suck your dick.

–4 Train

Posted on June 10, 2015
BJs, Celebrations/Parties, Cum, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Sex

Girls