Girls

Maury Povich Says You’re the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on phone: His dad’s, like, crazy, and he lives in a house all by himself, and the saddest thing is… the saddest thing is this guy’s dad is even uglier than our dad!

–Waverly Place b/w Mercer & Greene

Woman: Don’t even think about humping your father’s feet!

–President & Columbia

[Before the start of the NYC pillow fight.]Pillow-fighter: I’m gonna beat you all down like you were my daddy! [Hits people with his pillow.] Why weren’t you there, dad, why!?

–Union Square

Guy on cell: Hey dude, my flight has been delayed like an hour, yeah it does suck… [Pause.] Dude, from this point on I’m calling you "daddy". No: "big daddy". Yeah, hey big daddy…

–US Airways Terminal, Laguardia Airport

Little girl pointing at a grizzly bear: Daddy! Daddy!

–Museum of Natural History

That Dead Fly on the Rim Is Almost Like a Little Umbrella

Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: I'll have a cosmopolitan.
Bartender: We don't serve cosmos here.
Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: Fine, I'll have a gin and tonic.
Bartender: We've got two types of beer. Light and dark.
(woman pauses in thought)
Bartender: Here, honey. Try the light. It's kind of like a cosmo.

–McSorley's, Bowery & 7th

Guess Who Went to Preschool Boot Camp

Girl: Can we call a truce? Can we just say we won't bring this up again?
Guy: Well, you're the one who brought it up before.
Girl: That is bringing it up again!

–Chelsea Flea Market

Overheard by: Mike

Yeah? I'd Love to Dip My Socks in Your Coffee!

Guy trying to plug laptop charger into outlet: Mind if I sneak this cord between your legs?
Girl near outlet: Sure! That sounds hot! It's the best offer I've gotten all day!
(guy blushes profusely)

–Think Coffee, Mercer St

Overheard by: Carmi

Kinda Cool That It's Shaped Like a Question Mark, Though.

Pretty 20-something girl #1: No, he's not like mentally retarded, More like physically retarded.
Pretty 20-something girl #2: Oh, like my toe.
Pretty 20-something girl #1: Exactly.

–Wall Street

…And These Herpes Magically Disappear?

Way too blonde girl: Do you want to stay at my house tonight?
Dude: Absolutely not.
Way too blonde girl: What if my parents aren't home?

–Restsurant, University Place & 11th St

Overheard by: CourtSnort

Think I Know How This One Ends…

50-something woman: Do you have baked goods?
Girl with empty wicker basket: Excuse me?
50-something woman: Baked goods. Where are you going with them?
Girl with empty wicker basket (slowly looking into basket and then back at woman): To grandmother's house.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Little Red Riding Ho

We Call It “Little Israel”

Guy: So you guys are Jewish?
Girl: Yeah, why?
Guy: Are you from Brooklyn? I live there now, and there are a lot of Jewish people there.
Girl: No, we’re from Staten Island.
Guy: Oh. Are there a lot of Jewish people there?

–Finnerty’s, Union Square area

Overheard by: Becka Dash

…Whether They Wanted Them or Not

Guy: You used to give everybody handjobs.
Girl: I was the master. I didn't know I was that good until I was giving them to everybody.

–Burp Castle, 7th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: I didn't get one

'Ow! Ow! Ow!' Means 'Thanks'?

Gangsta: Yo, you didn't even thank me when I was putting it in your ass!
Girl, indignant: I did thank you!

–Wagner College

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