Girls

If She Remembers Thundercats, It’s Time for Assisted Living

Girl: I can’t believe they’re making a live action Transformers movie.
Guy: Whatever, I will definitely go see it.
Girl: Are you even old enough to remember Transformers?
Guy: Of course, I’m only three years younger than you.
Girl: Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you were old enough to be conscious of Transformers. My brothers are your age and they don’t remember the show that well.
Guy: You do realize every time you ask me that it doesn’t make me seem young, right? It just makes you seem old.

–26th & Madison

Overheard by: DL

Let’s Get Some Ice Cream and Give Him a Call

Girl: Oh my god. Don’t even mention his name to me. I hate him so much.
Guy: You mean hate him like you’d wanna set him on fire hate him?
Girl: I mean hate him like I wouldn’t even shit on him if someone else set him on fire.
Guy: Uh… I believe the phrase is “I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire”.
Girl: Yeah, whatever. It’s all the same when you’re lactose-intolerant.

–Greenwich Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: happy milk drinker

The Adolescent Female Hybrids Are Strangely Weepy

Husband: The male hybrids seem to want to breed but the females aren’t interested, they just sit there and make no attempt to communicate with their peer group.
Wife: Are you being condescending? I sometimes think….I feel you’re being condescending, especially when you talk about the hybrids….
Daughter starts to cry.
Husband: This is never constructive. We’ll continue this later.

–7th Ave & 9th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: I really hope they’re gardeners

Those Guys Take Forever in There

Girl: Where’s the bathroom?
She tries to open the door to the conductor’s box.
Girl: Who’s in there? I have to use the bathroom!

–1 train uptown

Overheard by: jonathan renshon

NY Age of Consent Is 17 — Coincidence?

Girl #1: So when was your first kiss?
Girl #2: My 17th birthday.
Girl #1: How about your first time making out?
Girl #2: Also my 17th birthday.
Girl #1: …first blowjob?
Girl #2: This is awkward. 17th birthday, again.
Girl #1: How about when you lost your virginity?
Girl #2: 17th.
Girl #1: How about the first time you —
Girl #2: I know what you’re about to ask, and the answer is “my 17th birthday” again.
Girl #1: God damn! What the hell did you do for your 18th birthday?

–R train

Wednesday One-liners Are Ahead of the Curve

Guy: I might move to the South Bronx/Washington Heights. SoBro is getting gentrified.
I’d like to get there before all the hipsters move in.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Girl: Just start saying it, they’ll think you’re cool. It’s New York.

–SoHo

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Totally Gay Wednesday One-liners

Nerdy high school girl: I got a B+ on my freaking Holocaust essay. How gay is that?

–Q17 bus, Flushing

Overheard by: Lisa Berlin

Queerspotter: He’s so far inside the closet, he’s in Narnia.

–11th between 1st and A

Overheard by: Vinny C.

Drag queen: There are only two lesbian bars in New York, and that is because there are only five lesbians who tip.

–xl, 16th & 9th

Overheard by: Nick Salvato

Stop Dissing My Boyfriend

Girl #1: You know, I’ve always been interested in a relationship with my cat.
Girl #2: I think that’s illegal… pretty much everywhere.
Girl #1: So is giving your donkey weed, but here we are.

–A train

Just Add Earwax

Twentysomething girl: What is the nastiest thing you can think of?
Twentysomething guy: A bloody vagina fart.

–Blake & Todd, 45th & Vanderbilt

Overheard by: Nick Bradham

Wow, That’s Like, Kant or Something

Girl: [chuckling] You know what’s funny? We always manage to notice how much other people stink but we could never gauge how bad we smell.
Guy: Heh. That’s so true!… Wait, you said that just to tell me how bad I smell.
Girl: Yeah.

–94th & Park

Overheard by: hunter 05

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