Chick: There are two types of men in this world. The type that would sleep with Paul Newman and the type that would sleep with Robert Redford, and they can’t be both. What are you?
Gay guy: Paul Newman
Chick: And you?
Asexual guy: Um…Paul Newman.
Silence.
Chick: Aren’t you going to ask me?
Gay guy: No, I don’t care.
Asexual guy: Me neither.
–F train, 2nd Ave
Girl #1: Hi…What are you drinking?
Girl #2: Hi. It’s rum and cranberry.
Girl #1: Are you single?
Girl #2: Yeah
Girl #1: I love my boyfriend…but sometimes I just wanna fuck other people.
Girl #2 just stares at Girl 1.
Girl #1: Have you ever been in love?
Girl #2: Yeah
Girl #1: Didn’t you ever just wanna fuck other people?
Girl #2: Umm…no. Not when I was with him. You might have a problem.
Girl #1: Wanna go to the bathroom?
Girl #2: Definitely not.
–The Hairy Monk
Overheard by: Shannon
A guy and girl approach a sleeping David Blaine in his bubble.
Security guard: Hands of the glass, sir.
Guy: It’s okay, it’s okay…I just wanna talk to him.
Guy and girl, putting both hands on glass: WAKE UP DAVID BLAINE!
Security guard: Exit! Exit!
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Natasha Blank
Teen girl: Hey, I’m a Scientologist.
Tom Cruise: Oh, really? What echelon are you in?
Teen girl: [awkwardly quiet] Uh… number three?
Tom Cruise: Exactly.
—Mission: Impossible III gala premiere, TriBeCa Film Festival, BMCC
Overheard by: mademoiselle schaeffer
Girl #1: I heard Columbia Snacks is actually a pot service.
Girl #2: What, like they sell weed and stuff?
Girl #1: No, pots for dorm plants. Yeah, weed, girl. They just want to up the GPA here.
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: Don’t you know weed boosts your smarts? It’s a proven fact that weed makes you dumber the day after. But it’s also proven that it makes you much much smarter the day after that.
–Columbia University
Girl #1: Does anyone have Purell?
Friends: No
Girl #1: Purell? Anyone?
Girl #2: There’s a bathroom right there!
Girl #1: I want to clean my hands.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Adina C
Girl #1: Yeah, so lately I’ve been really getting into African click songs.
Girl #2: Please don’t demonstrate.
–Grand Central Station, Dining Concourse
Guy: …we were just talking. That’s all that happened.
Girl: I said, do you swear to God? Do you swear on your life?!
Guy: We were just talking…
–Houston between 2nd & 3rd
Girl: How much is the water?
Newstand guy: $1.25. Do you want a bag?
Girl: No thanks.
Newstand guy: What about a straw?
Girl: No.
Newstand guy: How about me?
–E 68th & 3rd ave
