Religious guy: … And remember, Jesus loves you! He loves us all. Jesus loves you!
Man in back of train: Jesus fucking hates you! Shut the fuck up!
–PATH train
Overheard by: Nick
Religious guy: … And remember, Jesus loves you! He loves us all. Jesus loves you!
Man in back of train: Jesus fucking hates you! Shut the fuck up!
–PATH train
Overheard by: Nick
Subway musician to drunk guy puking: Hey! Come on, asshole, take a cab, this is my place of work!
Drunk guy: You know what, why don't you pay for my cab to Queens and get a real job while you're at it?
–7 Train
Suit: Have you ever seen Conan in HD? His face looks like a scrotum.
–Maggie’s Place, E. 47th Street
Overheard by: Grimbil
Lady #1, pointing at imitation Cap'n Crunch: Get those, it's the same thing.
Lady #2: No, he won't eat those.
Lady #1: Well, then he's an asshole.
–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Crazy guy: Look at you people. All y’all paying eighteen, nineteen hundred dollars rent. I pay two dollars rent! And I get a free transfer!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: Heather
Smoking girl: I’m just not going to put all of this money and time into this degree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 after I graduate. I mean, I’m just *not*.
–Outside Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Bored street fundraiser for the homeless: Just one penny, people. Just one penny. Blah, blah, blah.
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: Farley
Crazy guy: You motherfucking actors with all your fucking money and shit… I hate you… But boy did I want to be an actor when I was young.
–Outside NBC Studios, 49th & 6th
Overheard by: Ross
Frustrated booth operator, yelling at an argumentative tourist: Lady, this subway hasn’t used tokens in over seven years! And that ain’t even a token… It’s a one collar coin!
–Subway, Spring & Lafayette
Overheard by: NYC Tourists Never Cease to Amaze Me
50-something ticket collector to high school girl: Don’t worry, I didn’t forget your change. (pause) I will never forget you. (walks away)
–Metro-North Train
Mother to young daughter running down the street: Get over here before I make change outta that five dollar ass!
–168 & Broadway
Girl on date: If nothing else, I have morals!
Guy on date: You have dumbness.
–Local, 53rd & 2nd
Tween boy #1: Where is he? He owes me fucking ten dollars.
Tween boy #2: This is really gay.
Random girl: I’m offended, you retards!
–W 34th St
Girl: Dude, why are you holding a stick?
Guy: It's a wand. Fuck you.
–Bryant Park
Teen girl #1: Lauren! What is the name of the movie I saw that one time? You know — there was a guy in it. He had, um… hair? He was sad and stuff?
Lauren: Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands.
Teen girl #1: Yes! Exactly! Him! He was in another movie. I swear… Um… His hair was different, though, and he had that hat. We should rent that movie.
Lauren: The movie Secret Window will scare you. Your mind can’t take in something like that.
Teen girl #1: Hey! Well, yeah, maybe you’re right.
Teen girl #2, to Lauren: How can you ever tell what she’s talking about?!
Lauren: I can read the minds of idiots. It’s a sad and useless power. Except, of course, in cases like this.
–Central Park
Chick: Oh, God! You remember Anna from high school?
Guy: Yeah…
Chick: You know, the fuckin’ ugly one?
Guy: Yeah, she’s really nice.
Chick: I don’t fucking care — she is so fucking ugly! And I heard she’s married now.
Guy: Yeah? Really?
Chick: Who the fuck would fuck her?
Guy: … I did.
–F train
