Girl on date: If nothing else, I have morals!
Guy on date: You have dumbness.
–Local, 53rd & 2nd
Girl on date: If nothing else, I have morals!
Guy on date: You have dumbness.
–Local, 53rd & 2nd
Tween boy #1: Where is he? He owes me fucking ten dollars.
Tween boy #2: This is really gay.
Random girl: I’m offended, you retards!
–W 34th St
Girl: Dude, why are you holding a stick?
Guy: It's a wand. Fuck you.
–Bryant Park
Teen girl #1: Lauren! What is the name of the movie I saw that one time? You know — there was a guy in it. He had, um… hair? He was sad and stuff?
Lauren: Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands.
Teen girl #1: Yes! Exactly! Him! He was in another movie. I swear… Um… His hair was different, though, and he had that hat. We should rent that movie.
Lauren: The movie Secret Window will scare you. Your mind can’t take in something like that.
Teen girl #1: Hey! Well, yeah, maybe you’re right.
Teen girl #2, to Lauren: How can you ever tell what she’s talking about?!
Lauren: I can read the minds of idiots. It’s a sad and useless power. Except, of course, in cases like this.
–Central Park
Chick: Oh, God! You remember Anna from high school?
Guy: Yeah…
Chick: You know, the fuckin’ ugly one?
Guy: Yeah, she’s really nice.
Chick: I don’t fucking care — she is so fucking ugly! And I heard she’s married now.
Guy: Yeah? Really?
Chick: Who the fuck would fuck her?
Guy: … I did.
–F train
Hipster: Jesus! This place is worse than Austin seven years ago!
–Bedford St. Station, Williamsburg
Overheard by: K.
Large female southern tourist: It'd be really funny if we got stuck on the toilet and couldn't get up. It'd be the whole "help! Get me off this toilet!" thing.
–Bathroom, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Tourist woman to husband: Where's that cop who was here a minute ago? He gave me the wrong directions, and I wanna cuss him out for it!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Deeds
Tourist: Is this the building where people go all crazy about the numbers?
–Outside New York Stock Exchange
Overheard by: Kyle
50-something tourist husband to wife, while they share bites of same apple: I don't know why we came to this city… We can't even afford breakfast.
–34th & 7th
Chulo #1: What sign are you?
Chula: Aries. You?
Chulo #2: Asshole. That's his sign: asshole.
Chulo #1: Naw, man. It's cancer.
Chulo #2: Why do so many people believe in that astrology shit?
Chulo #1: Because it's true!
Chula: It's so true. I've got all the personality traits. Like, I think I know everything. I get along real well with Leos, we're all bossy together. What sign are you?
Chulo #2: Scorpio.
(chula and chulo #1 laugh knowingly)
Chula: Oh, yeah, you know what that means. You're a lover.
Chulo #2: Ha ha, yeah?
Chula: You see someone and like that, you're in love. And then, two weeks later, you don't want nothing to do with her.
Chulo #2: Um… No… I mean, not really…
Chulo #1: Yeah, man, it's all true. Written in the stars.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Designer on cell: I'm with a client right now. Can I call you back in two hours? I'm with a client. Bye.
Client: Huh?
Designer: Oh, my fucking son.
–Lexington Ave
Receptionist #1: Ewww, this man at school was trying to hit on me.
Receptionist #2: What was wrong with him?
Receptionist #1: He was nasty! He looked like half-homeless man and half-terrorist.
–1177 6th Ave
Overheard by: red
