If You Love Wednesday So Much, Why Don’t You One-Liner It?

Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!

–Newark Flight

DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!

–Hammerstein Ballroom

Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.

–A Train

Overheard by: Sam

Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!

–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: McFreaky

Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.

–6 Train

Overheard by: oya

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Business and Commerce, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Ew, Jersey, Girls, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Love, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Race, Sports, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

…Jump! Jump! Jump!

Evangelist standing on a bench: I was born under the Lord, I've lived under the Lord, and I'll die under the Lord.
Drunk walking by: Die, we don't give a fuck!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Michael A McCormick

Posted on July 31, 2015
Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, God, Insults, Port Authority, Preachers

What You Get for Being Seven Feet Tall

Tourist: Excuse me, but could you please tell me the time?
New Yorker: What do I look like? Big fuckin' Ben or somethin'?

–Broadway

Posted on July 31, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Default, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Questions, Time, Tourists

It’s Way Too Early for Good News

Religious guy: … And remember, Jesus loves you! He loves us all. Jesus loves you!
Man in back of train: Jesus fucking hates you! Shut the fuck up!

–PATH train

Overheard by: Nick

Posted on July 31, 2015
Assholes, Crazies, Insults

'Cause I Just Gave You Performance Feedback

Subway musician to drunk guy puking: Hey! Come on, asshole, take a cab, this is my place of work!
Drunk guy: You know what, why don't you pay for my cab to Queens and get a real job while you're at it?

–7 Train

Posted on July 30, 2015
Comebacks, Drunks, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Musicians, On the Subway, Vomit

Makes for Easy Carpet/Drapes Matching

Suit: Have you ever seen Conan in HD? His face looks like a scrotum.

–Maggie’s Place, E. 47th Street

Overheard by: Grimbil

Posted on July 30, 2015
About Celebrities, Balls, Body Parts, Celebrities, Insults, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Restaurants & Cafes, TV

In Brooklyn? Your Editors Are Shocked.

Lady #1, pointing at imitation Cap'n Crunch: Get those, it's the same thing.
Lady #2: No, he won't eat those.
Lady #1: Well, then he's an asshole.

–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on July 28, 2015
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fakes, Food, Insults, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Grow on Trees

Crazy guy: Look at you people. All y’all paying eighteen, nineteen hundred dollars rent. I pay two dollars rent! And I get a free transfer!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Heather

Smoking girl: I’m just not going to put all of this money and time into this degree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 after I graduate. I mean, I’m just *not*.

–Outside Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Bored street fundraiser for the homeless: Just one penny, people. Just one penny. Blah, blah, blah.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Farley

Crazy guy: You motherfucking actors with all your fucking money and shit… I hate you… But boy did I want to be an actor when I was young.

–Outside NBC Studios, 49th & 6th

Overheard by: Ross

Frustrated booth operator, yelling at an argumentative tourist: Lady, this subway hasn’t used tokens in over seven years! And that ain’t even a token… It’s a one collar coin!

–Subway, Spring & Lafayette

Overheard by: NYC Tourists Never Cease to Amaze Me

50-something ticket collector to high school girl: Don’t worry, I didn’t forget your change. (pause) I will never forget you. (walks away)

–Metro-North Train

Mother to young daughter running down the street: Get over here before I make change outta that five dollar ass!

–168 & Broadway