Ghetto black lesbian: Look, you are Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.
Jewish lesbian: That is so lame.
Ghetto black lesbian, picking up a card instead: What does ‘shalom’ mean? Does anybody know what ‘shalom’ means?
Jewish lesbian: You are asking the wrong Jew.
Ghetto black lesbian: What kind of Jew are you? What good are you?
–Duane Reade, Broadway & Reade
Overheard by: Just trying to buy some cards
Old Jewish lady #1: That’s a gorgeous ring. What is that, 5 carats?
Old Jewish lady #2: Yes. I’m going to give it to my granddaughter when she turns 16. Maybe 18. As long as I know she’s still a virgin.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Stephanie
21-year-old Jewish guy #1: Is Jesus a saint?
Male Christian friend: He’s Jesus. He’s, like, the president of the saints.
21-year-old Jewish guy #1: Then who’s the treasurer?
Female Christian friend: [Blank stare.]21-year-old Jewish guy #2: Probably whoever the patron saint of money is, huh?
21-year-old Jewish guy #1: And what about the secretary?
Female Christian friend: [Blank stare.]21-year-old Jewish guy #2: Yeah, probably the patron saint of note takers.
Female Christian friend: I’m pretty sure it’s not really organized like that.
–Grace Church, 11th & Broadway
Overheard by: patron saint of laughing your ass off
Chinese coworker: Hey, you’re wearing makeup today!
Jewish coworker: Yeah, I had a little extra time this morning.
Chinese coworker: But I thought Jewish people couldn’t wear makeup?
Jewish coworker: Huh!?
–Office Building, 26th & 11th
Jewish guy: Fat Jewish girls love Tasti D-Lite.
Jewish girl: So do Jewish guys.
Jewish guy: That’s because I’m trying to find a wife.
–3rd St & 92nd Ave
God squad guy: Jesus is the way, Jesus is the way, take a prayer book because Jesus is the way!
Man: Look, buddy, it’s New York. We’re all Jewish in one way or another. Try Jersey.
–Union Square West
Overheard by: CW
Drunk girl #1: So I think I am going to go as something I totally hate for Halloween.
Drunk girl #2: What are you going as?
Drunk girl #1: I think I am either going as a Jew or a Chinese person
or a tourist.
Drunk girl #2: Hey, you know I am Jewish, don’t you?
Drunk girl #1: I don’t care, I am definitely going as a Jew.
Drunk girl #2: Shots?
–37th & 3rd
Overheard by: Brian McCormick
Guy #1: So what should we get him for his birthday?
Guy #2: I don’t know….what about a menorah?
Guy #1: What? But it’s not Hannukah.
Guy #2: Yeah, but he’s Jewish. And his room is dark.
–Union Square
Overheard by: curious
Child, after hurting himself: Jesus!
Grandma: Oh, no. Don’t say that tonight.
Child: Christ!
–Seder, UWS
Overheard by: bobby bo bobby
Headline by: AL
Runners-Up:
· “Sawww-eee.” – Sameer
· “All that colorful Yiddish I taught you, and this is the best you can do?” – MB
· “Blasphemy is allah the same to me” – Yugan
· “Either way, it’s still not kosher” – Peter
· “Wait until after we kill him” – bobofthejungle
Guy: So you guys are Jewish?
Girl: Yeah, why?
Guy: Are you from Brooklyn? I live there now, and there are a lot of Jewish people there.
Girl: No, we’re from Staten Island.
Guy: Oh. Are there a lot of Jewish people there?
–Finnerty’s, Union Square area
Overheard by: Becka Dash
