Thug #1: Yo, what are you doing walking behind me?
Thug #2: I don’t know.
Thug #1: Yo, what are you doing? Nobody walks behind me… Unless it’s my girl… with a dildo.
–78th & 2nd
Overheard by: MLM
Thug #1: Yo, what are you doing walking behind me?
Thug #2: I don’t know.
Thug #1: Yo, what are you doing? Nobody walks behind me… Unless it’s my girl… with a dildo.
–78th & 2nd
Overheard by: MLM
Korean girl: I just can’t stand it when they have an Asian fetish. Grosses me out.
Suit: Well, maybe you should stop being a stripper.
–46th & 10th
Overheard by: Chris
Hipster girl to hipster guy: … And it’s like, he cums on me and it’s like it doesn’t even mean anything!
–L train platform, Union Square
Overheard by: Ht-hrw
Hipster: You know, ‘bedbugs’ is just a classy name for crabs.
–7th & Ave A
Hipster: I better not be a virgin by the time I get home.
–14th St & Union Square South
Overheard by: Almost Tourist
Hipster girl: So, I took ecstasy yesterday, and I was playing a lot of flute.
–Outside The Slaughtered Lamb
Overheard by: bonzo
Hipster girl to friends: My mother thought I was a virgin until I told her that I’d had an abortion.
–120th & Amsterdam
Hipster: Well, I can’t help it if their tits shrivel up into tiny raisins!
–Montrose stop
Overheard by: big baby
Hipster chick: So, all my guy friends are really into her! There’s just something about her that really turns guys on, and it’s not just because she’s blind.
–Columbus Circle
Girl #1: What would you do if a guy took you to a hotel for Valentine’s Day?
Girl #2: I guess I’d be like, ‘Oh, how sweet…’ Get into bed… Then shove a glass vase up his ass and run away. Naked. If he moved the glass vase would break and tear up his asshole, and he’d be pooping shards of glass out for a week.
–Park Slope
Drunk dude: Were you in the parade just now?
Old Irish guy: You bet.
Drunk dude: That’s awesome. It seemed even more fun than the gay pride parade. But that one always freaks me out because I never know which transvestites it’s okay for me to be attracted to.
–4 train
Overheard by: Dan
Dude on cell: Yeah, all we need is a nice leather whip and we’re all set.
–10th & 4th
30-ish queer to another: Yeah, and he has a basket of clothespins for nipple play.
–Grand St station
Young boy jumping gleefully and clapping: Masochist! Gay masochist! Gay masochist!
–105th & West End
Older teen boy to younger teen boy: Yeah, you can’t do that. It’s called bestiality, and it’s illegal in this country…
–68th, between Columbus & Central Park West
Man with beer: You know the show Dance Off, Pants Off? I’m going to be on it in just an S-and-M mask.
–Outside Madison Square Garden
Shouting guy: I do not agree with sex with beavers!
–Waverly Pl
Hipster chick: So, it was pretty good, huh?
Queer: Oh my god. You don’t even know. He was so flexible that he could touch his ass to his head. Obviously, the sex was incredible.
Hipster chick: Cirque du so gay!
–60th & Park
Overheard by: Alex P.
Girl #1: What are you buying?
Girl #2: Glue.
Girl #1: Why?
Creepster behind them: For sex.
Girl #2: No.
Creepster: She’s buying it for sex.
Girl #2: Actually, no.
Creepster: Glue is for sex.
Girl #2: No, it’s for eyelashes.
Creepster: Haha. Sex.
Girl #2: It’s glue.
Creepster: Oh, I thought you said, ‘lube.’ Lube is for sex.
Girls: [Silence.]Creepster: Haha. Sex.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Shubester
Trendy Asian girl on cell: So, Max came over last night and we were in the kitchen, and he lifted me up onto the counter and was like, ‘I am gonna fuck you so hard,’ and I was like, ‘Whoa, oh my god!’ But I couldn’t go through with it. So he walked over to the fridge, opened it up, and put his head inside and started, like, banging his head against the wall. I know, can you believe that?
–LIRR
Overheard by: Emily Leatrice
Hipster: I’d feel more comfortable in a sex club than going on a date.
–Penn Station
Hot chick on cell: Yes! Yes! O-M-G! We are sooo going to have a sex-a-thon! Get the girls together, my place, tonight! [To gawking passengers] Sex and the City -athon. Fucking perverts. W-T-F.
–N train
Overheard by: not invited
Teacher: Every time you put a penis into a vagina you’re risking sex.
–Health Class, LaGuardia HS
Overheard by: mf
Girl: I heard two people having really loud sex on my floor last night. It was either gay guys or Asians, I couldn’t tell.
–Cafeteria, Manhattan School of Music
Overheard by: Christiana Little
Fat suit: He made me watch while he fucked some girl, so I’m gonna make him watch while I fuck some guy!
–Astor Pl
Overheard by: Glad I wasn’t the other guy…
20-ish chick: What? I fornicate all the time, and I’ve never been arrested!
–Subway station
Overheard by: subwayrider
Puerto Rican girl to another: I never dated a white guy, ’cause they got bad taste in underwear.
–Subway station, Times Square
Overheard by: Mama
Chick: … So I was dancing in the kitchen in my underwear and I looked out the window and the orthodox Yeshiva student guy that lives across the building from me was just staring open-mouthed. I’m never gonna open the curtains in the kitchen again.
–181st St
Overheard by: LSB
Mother to toddler son: Now, honey, close your eyes. This isn’t for you.
–Frederick’s of Hollywood, King’s Plaza
Queer: I totally go out of my way to wear edible thongs to work.
–Library Bar, Houston & Ave A
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Teen girl quickly descending staircase: I didn’t wear a bra again today. My boobs are bouncing down these stairs!
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Suit on cell: Well, I mean, I have thongs… But I really don’t consider those underwear…
–W 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Laura
