Kink

Wednesday One-Liners in Cat Eye Glasses

Hipster girl to hipster guy: … And it’s like, he cums on me and it’s like it doesn’t even mean anything!

–L train platform, Union Square

Overheard by: Ht-hrw

Hipster: You know, ‘bedbugs’ is just a classy name for crabs.

–7th & Ave A

Hipster: I better not be a virgin by the time I get home.

–14th St & Union Square South

Overheard by: Almost Tourist

Hipster girl: So, I took ecstasy yesterday, and I was playing a lot of flute.

–Outside The Slaughtered Lamb

Overheard by: bonzo

Hipster girl to friends: My mother thought I was a virgin until I told her that I’d had an abortion.

–120th & Amsterdam

Hipster: Well, I can’t help it if their tits shrivel up into tiny raisins!

–Montrose stop

Overheard by: big baby

Hipster chick: So, all my guy friends are really into her! There’s just something about her that really turns guys on, and it’s not just because she’s blind.

–Columbus Circle

From The Sensuous Nazi

Girl #1: What would you do if a guy took you to a hotel for Valentine’s Day?
Girl #2: I guess I’d be like, ‘Oh, how sweet…’ Get into bed… Then shove a glass vase up his ass and run away. Naked. If he moved the glass vase would break and tear up his asshole, and he’d be pooping shards of glass out for a week.

–Park Slope

I Always End Up Humping Lamp Posts, to Be on the Safe Side

Drunk dude: Were you in the parade just now?
Old Irish guy: You bet.
Drunk dude: That’s awesome. It seemed even more fun than the gay pride parade. But that one always freaks me out because I never know which transvestites it’s okay for me to be attracted to.

–4 train

Overheard by: Dan

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Come in Vanilla

Dude on cell: Yeah, all we need is a nice leather whip and we’re all set.

–10th & 4th

30-ish queer to another: Yeah, and he has a basket of clothespins for nipple play.

–Grand St station

Young boy jumping gleefully and clapping: Masochist! Gay masochist! Gay masochist!

–105th & West End

Older teen boy to younger teen boy: Yeah, you can’t do that. It’s called bestiality, and it’s illegal in this country…

–68th, between Columbus & Central Park West

Man with beer: You know the show Dance Off, Pants Off? I’m going to be on it in just an S-and-M mask.

–Outside Madison Square Garden

Shouting guy: I do not agree with sex with beavers!

–Waverly Pl

Um, What Did You Do While He Was Doing That?

Hipster chick: So, it was pretty good, huh?
Queer: Oh my god. You don’t even know. He was so flexible that he could touch his ass to his head. Obviously, the sex was incredible.
Hipster chick: Cirque du so gay!

–60th & Park

Overheard by: Alex P.

What’s It Like?

Girl #1: What are you buying?
Girl #2: Glue.
Girl #1: Why?
Creepster behind them: For sex.
Girl #2: No.
Creepster: She’s buying it for sex.
Girl #2: Actually, no.
Creepster: Glue is for sex.
Girl #2: No, it’s for eyelashes.
Creepster: Haha. Sex.
Girl #2: It’s glue.
Creepster: Oh, I thought you said, ‘lube.’ Lube is for sex.
Girls: [Silence.]Creepster: Haha. Sex.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Shubester

Wednesday One-Liners for Congress

Trendy Asian girl on cell: So, Max came over last night and we were in the kitchen, and he lifted me up onto the counter and was like, ‘I am gonna fuck you so hard,’ and I was like, ‘Whoa, oh my god!’ But I couldn’t go through with it. So he walked over to the fridge, opened it up, and put his head inside and started, like, banging his head against the wall. I know, can you believe that?

–LIRR

Overheard by: Emily Leatrice

Hipster: I’d feel more comfortable in a sex club than going on a date.

–Penn Station

Hot chick on cell: Yes! Yes! O-M-G! We are sooo going to have a sex-a-thon! Get the girls together, my place, tonight! [To gawking passengers] Sex and the City -athon. Fucking perverts. W-T-F.

–N train

Overheard by: not invited

Teacher: Every time you put a penis into a vagina you’re risking sex.

–Health Class, LaGuardia HS

Overheard by: mf

Girl: I heard two people having really loud sex on my floor last night. It was either gay guys or Asians, I couldn’t tell.

–Cafeteria, Manhattan School of Music

Overheard by: Christiana Little

Fat suit: He made me watch while he fucked some girl, so I’m gonna make him watch while I fuck some guy!

–Astor Pl

Overheard by: Glad I wasn’t the other guy…

20-ish chick: What? I fornicate all the time, and I’ve never been arrested!

–Subway station

Overheard by: subwayrider

Wednesday One-Liners by Victoria

Puerto Rican girl to another: I never dated a white guy, ’cause they got bad taste in underwear.

–Subway station, Times Square

Overheard by: Mama

Chick: … So I was dancing in the kitchen in my underwear and I looked out the window and the orthodox Yeshiva student guy that lives across the building from me was just staring open-mouthed. I’m never gonna open the curtains in the kitchen again.

–181st St

Overheard by: LSB

Mother to toddler son: Now, honey, close your eyes. This isn’t for you.

–Frederick’s of Hollywood, King’s Plaza

Queer: I totally go out of my way to wear edible thongs to work.

–Library Bar, Houston & Ave A

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Teen girl quickly descending staircase: I didn’t wear a bra again today. My boobs are bouncing down these stairs!

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Suit on cell: Well, I mean, I have thongs… But I really don’t consider those underwear…

–W 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Laura

So, Gay Starts at the Limit of Your Imagination?

Middle-aged lady #1: You know, if he is gay you probably shouldn’t be with him anyway.
Middle-aged lady #2: I think he is gay. I mean, he’s so much kinkier that I could ever even imagine.
Middle-aged lady #1: Well, see, there you go.

–77th & Lex

When Everyone Knows Water Sports Are Supposed to Involve Urine! Freak.

Girl #1: So, how was it at his house?
Girl #2: It was fine until he kept…
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: Well, he kept begging me to try it, and I was like, ‘Listen, I’ll do any other kinky thing you want, but I think that is just gross!’ And then he went and got the garden hose anyway…

–Victoria’s Secret, Herald Square

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