Boyfriend, under his breath: I really need to find a dark corner.
Girlfriend, loudly: You could just pee in my mouth!
–10th & Broadway
Boyfriend, under his breath: I really need to find a dark corner.
Girlfriend, loudly: You could just pee in my mouth!
–10th & Broadway
Old guy with gray hair: I used to be an old guy with gray hair!
–Mott & Canal St
Overheard by: Will
80-year-old man: What is rough sex? Do I put her against the wall? I don’t know.
–10th & 3rd
Overheard by: Liz
Old lady struggling to get layers of scarves and coats off: I’m not used to having to put clothes on.
–New York Historical Society
Old lady on cell: Old people like sex! I’m 85, and I still like me some sex!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: imerikaf
75-year-old lady to hobo on bench: Oh, wow, you look so cozy!
–Central Park
Old man with cane to 20-ish girl who just nabbed the cab he hailed: Happy holidays, you dumb bitch!
–62nd & 2nd
Old white guy: Fo’ shizzle!
–Outside Nederlander Theatre
Charity worker: Help the homeless! [Androgynous person walks by] Even a pretty girl… boy… whatever-that-was can help!
–Times Square
Chick, wistfully: That was Vadim. He was from St. Petersburg. When we broke up he stole all my dresses.
–A train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Large black security guard, inspecting guy’s Sephora bag: You da man!
–Hayden Planetarium
Pierced 20-ish chick: So, the last time I pegged a guy he wouldn’t stop jabbering on and on about how much he loved trannies. It just made me shove in the strap-on harder.
–Delancey & Orchard
Overheard by: Californian
Guy: I sirred a ma’am today. But, in my defense, she was a very sir-able ma’am.
–33rd & Broadway
Queer #1: Oooh, honey, you have an eyelash on you. Here, let me get it for you. Okay, now blow on it. [Queer #2 blows.] Come on, now, I’ve seen you blow harder than that. Hehehe. [Blows again.] There you go, honey. So, what did you wish for? You can tell me. I wanna know!
Queer #2: No, I can’t tell you. It’s a secret. It’s a deep, dark secret and I won’t tell you. Ever.
Queer #1: Well, I’ll tell you what I would wish for. A unicorn horn. And you know where I’d put it. Yeah, down there.
Queer #2: Oh, man, that’s an accident waiting to happen. And then a trip to the hospital.
–F train, W 4th St
Girl: There’s no way that dog’s mouth is cleaner than mine.
Guy #1: It’s true. Dogs’ mouths are cleaner.
Girl: He was just licking his ass.
Guy #2: You should lick your ass. Maybe you’d be nicer [laughs].
Guy #1: Yeah! [High fives guy #2]. Seriously, though, I’ll lick your ass if you want.
Girl: You sicken me.
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Wrong place right time
Headline by: Jon A.
Runners-Up:
· “At Least Rover Licks My Ass with His Pinky Out Like a Gentleman.” – KMW
· “Central Park Zoo: The Human Exhibit” – SAtCW
· “I’m Not Hearing a “No”” – x halloween jack x
· “My Two Dads: 2007” – SAtCW
Bag lady: You look like you got a shitty job!
Suit: Do you even have a job?
Bag lady: Oh, yeah, I do all kinds of jobs. Hand jobs, blowjobs, foot jobs…
Suit: That’s not what I meant–
Bag lady: –Tit jobs…
–6 train
Overheard by: Digeridude
80-year-old professor showing slide of two people and an orthosis: … And this picture is not S-and-M at all.
–Columbia Medical School
Overheard by: Shocked Student
Hipster: It’s not like we can’t dress her up in fishnets and tell her what to do.
–Bleecker & Cornelia
Four-year-old boy: Rough sex, make it hurt…
–Times Square
Overheard by: Suburban Liz
Chick on cell: I never told you! I ran into someone who was like, ‘I don’t know you, but I recognize you from a photo of you whipping another girl on my friend’s fridge’!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McF.
Computer science professor: Never implement a remove method for the iterator interface. Whoever did that deserves to be spanked for a long time. Unless he enjoys it.
–NYU
Fat lady #1: I don’t know… I ain’t into all that freaky shit.
Fat lady #2: You just need to tell him you can’t be his nasty bitch no more.
Fat lady #1: I know that’s right, girl.
–6 train platform
Overheard by: Peter
Thug #1: Yo, what are you doing walking behind me?
Thug #2: I don’t know.
Thug #1: Yo, what are you doing? Nobody walks behind me… Unless it’s my girl… with a dildo.
–78th & 2nd
Overheard by: MLM
Korean girl: I just can’t stand it when they have an Asian fetish. Grosses me out.
Suit: Well, maybe you should stop being a stripper.
–46th & 10th
Overheard by: Chris
