Old-School Italian man: So you got a dog?
Old-School Italian lady: I got a French bulldog. The fuckin’ yuppies love it. They come up to me and go, “Oohh, is that a Frenchie?” That’s why I got him.
–D’Amico Foods, Court St, Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: A Yuppie at the next table
Park employee: Look, lady, if you want to have your dog off leash, you can bring it in after nine o’clock at night.
Upper-East-Side lady: Oh, that’s a great idea. I’ll just bring my dog into Central Park after nine…and get raped!
Park employee: What good is a dog if it can’t stop you from getting raped?
–Central Park, 85th St
Dude: It’s all right to be self-conscious about your feces.
–L train
Overheard by: Matthew Sahd Mohammed
Tourist: On the farm, manure smells pretty good. But in the city it just smells like horse shit.
–Horse carriages, Central Park South & 5th Ave
Man to his dog: Damn, nigga, you betta hurry up an’ shit already. I got places to be!
–112th & Amsterdam
Hipster guy: The park is open for pooping!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: I went at home
Techie on cell: Yeah, you got it: I’m going to troubleshoot the crap out of it. Yeah, you heard me: troubleshoot the crap!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Dude: All the toilet paper in here is shitty!
–Duane Reade, 70th & Broadway
Overheard by: Yesenia
8-year-old girl: Let’s play poo-poo!
–Green St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: twelvis
Client: You don’t abuse my dog, do you?
Groomer: Let me check your card.
–Animal clinic, Queens
Woman, to her panting dog: It is so not hot out. Stop faking it.
–Lafayette St, Fort Greene, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Katherine B
Woman, to her dog: Look, honey, a fire truck. Yes, dear, seeee? It’s a fire truck.
–Clinton & Schermerhorn, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: The Rat
Businesswoman, to two kids sitting in front of her: I have a very tiny dog that I can fit in my bag. Isn’t that silly? She’s at home sleeping right now. She gets to sleep and I have to go to work. Isn’t that silly?…I’ll tell her you said, “Hi.”
–4 train
Overheard by: Hogan
Woman, to her dog: Come on now, mister, one of us is going to pee or poo, and I have a feeling it’s not going to be me.
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Bradley Price
Girl, to her sitting dog: Can I get you anything? TV? Cold soda? Foot rub?
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: walking by
Teen girl #1: I either want a dog or a baby.
Teen girl #2: Well, babies are free.
–American Kennels, Lexington Ave
Overheard by: kitsull
Girl #1: James told me that Sara and Greg just got a dog together!
Girl #2: Oh my gawd, they’ve only been together for, like, two months!
Girl #1: I know! James asked me if I wanted to get a dog with him and I was like, “Hello, I’m not even ready to have an abortion with you yet, let alone get a dog!”
–Serafina restaurant
Overheard by: Appalled
Old man, to man who has just sneezed on him: Fuck you, you shithead! Ya goddamn farthole!
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Jeremy Tortora
Crazy guy: And I’m just gonna take a shit in his fucking mouth.
–9th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Zak Santucci
Old man, to dog: Shit already, damnit! Do you hear me?! Shit already!
–51st & 8th
Girl #1: I don’t like German Shepherds, they scare me.
Boy #1: Why?
Girl #2: Because they bark loud?
Girl #1: Yeah, that is scary, but the real reason is the Nazis used them in the Holocaust, so I don’t like them.
–Amtrak Train, Penn Station
Big girl: Oh my goddd! Your doggy is soo adorable — I just want to eat him!
Dog owner: Umm — Thanks, I guess. [To her friend] Is that the most endearing thing she could come up with?
–37th & 7th
Overheard by: Russ
