Old lady, walking over to every table: Excuse me, but do any of you need to use the bathroom, because I need to do both and it takes me a while.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Flatbush & Ave L, Brooklyn
Overheard by: RCP
Old lady, walking over to every table: Excuse me, but do any of you need to use the bathroom, because I need to do both and it takes me a while.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Flatbush & Ave L, Brooklyn
Overheard by: RCP
Woman on phone: This is completely unacceptable! You work for the United States Government, and this is completely unacceptable!
Crazy old man: Shut up, you stupid cow!
–Hudson & Charles
Old man #1: Man, that’s nasty.
Old man #2: Why do you say that? You don’t like to orally please your woman?
Old man #1: Man, I am afraid of getting AIDS in my teeth.
–51st & 5th
Old lady to husband: I heard Britney wants to adopt some pets instead taking care of her children.
Husband: They should just leave her alone.
Old lady to husband: Now you are defending her?
Husband: Not only defending her, I would wipe-lick her butt and ass-rape her until she farts cum.
–1 Train
Overheard by: gio
Old woman: What, you want to push me out the window?
Old man: I would, but unfortunately you won’t fit.
Old woman: Bastard.
–M31 bus
Old woman: Did you happen to notice if the dancers were wearing nail polish?
Teen girl: No. I'm sorry, I didn't.
Old woman: I imagine an art form such as this stifles the dancers' individual expression. I know some days I feel watermelon pink… and no one can stop me!
–Front Row, NYC Ballet, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Gina Sophia
Old man #1: Would you like something to drink?
Old man #2: Sure, what is there?
Old man #1: Well, there is white wine and white wine.
Old man #2: I’ll take the white wine. What are you having?
Old man #1: White wine.
–Allan Stone Gallery, East 90th Street
Overheard by: Fatty McFingers
Old lady #1: WHAAAA? REALLY?
Old lady #2: Yep, I heard she is.
Old lady #1: Wow, I didn’t know she was that way.
Old lady #3: No! Lorraine Bracco can’t be gay, ’cause she’s Italian… like us!
–3rd Ave & Carroll St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: evilrobotmonkey
Woman on cell: I don’t know if my horoscope is about my husband or my boyfriend.
–19th St & Park Ave South
Overheard by: Jenny
Guy on cell: If I fuck another woman in the ass, that’s not, like, really cheating, is it? I mean, it’s just her ass. Shit comes out of there. It’s less personal than the twat… You don’t think so?
–Court St, Boro Hall, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Chick on cell: How do I hide a hickey? I’m hiding it from my boyfriend… No, it’s not from him… No, not from him either… I’ll tell you later, I promise… Yes, I know I have a problem — it is big and red and on my neck and I do not need lectures right now. I need to figure out if I am ‘Creamy Ivory’ or ‘Tawny Honey’!
–Rite-Aid, 40th St & Broadway
Ghetto girl to boyfriend: It’s not cheating — they’re in entertainment.
–63rd & Amsterdam
Old Irish guy: That’s why Jesus died for our sins, ’cause he knew we’d be out with other women.
–Midtown Union Bar, 44th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Danny Lynch
Business chick: So, then, I really don’t consider it cheating, because it happened before the whole Santa thing.
–49th & Broadway
Overheard by: what the hell is going on??
Guy on phone: Look, I know she was my girlfriend when we were in high school… Yeah, yeah, I know it’s been 20 years — of course people change… Two kids ain’t that bad… I know she married, but you don’t get it — she does yoga. Have you ever banged a chick that’s done yoga? Look, man, she does the handstand thing… I know I’m going to hell… Or her husband will catch us first. Haha, do you really think anyone is listening to this shit? No. And if they are, who the hell are they going to tell?
–7 train
Random old dude #1: You shoulda seen how this girl was lookin at me.
Random old dude #2: Oh, yeah?
Random old dude #1: Yeah… I swear, she was standing in the literature section. Hell, the only thing she knows about Dickens is the first four letters of his last name, as in “She needs some dick!”
Enthusiastic shop girl: Hi, are you doing okay here?
Random old dude #1, embarrassed: Uhhh…sorry.
–St. Mark's Bookstore, Stuyvesant St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: manishm
