New Yorkers: Where are the Cool Places?

Girl #1: Ohmigod. I never ever like come this far uptown.
Girl #2: Oh, I know! Never!
Girl #1: I never go above 14th street. Ever!
Girl #2: Oh, me neither. Ever! Well, maybe above 30th street.
Girl #1: Yeah, just for, like, Bungalow and stuff.

–Grand Central

Guy #1: The last two times I was at Crobar someone got raped in the bathroom. Isn’t that crazy? Two times. The last two times I was there.
Guy #2: Really? I don’t think I wanna go there.
Guy #1: No, it’s okay. Besides, they were girls. And the bar is nice.

–6 train

Overheard by: zztop

Posted on August 1, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Girlfriends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Rape

A Task That Tricky Should Only Be Handled by a Professional

Young mom, picking daughter’s nose: I see something in there!
Little girl turns head an picks own nose: I’ll get it!
Young mom, going in again: Don’t pick your nose!

–A train

Overheard by: amused

Posted on August 1, 2015
Body Parts, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, On the Subway

Wednesday One-Liner: The World's Oldest Profession

Older, dirty-looking hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hooker and some malt liquor.

–Ave A & 4th St

20-something girl: Seriously! There is nothing better after a stressful day than stealing a car, picking up a hooker, taking her to the beach, fucking her, killing her, getting your money back and not getting arrested. Nothing!

–Underhill & St. Mark's, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Claire H.

Young woman to boss: If you don't give me more hours, I'mma have to start sellin' my pussy!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Holly

Subway musician in drag the night before Valentine's Day: Be with the one you love! If you don't have anyone, then hire somebody! And keep your receipt!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Musician on train platform: Everything gonna be alright! Get home safe, New York. Remember: if you see something, say something, don't keep it to yourself. And remember, New York, if you can't be with the one you love, pay someone! Keep all the receipts. I know what I'm talking about.

–B Train

Overheard by: Free Love

Posted on August 1, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bosses, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murder, Musicians, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Prostitution, Sex, Street, Thievery, Time, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

If You Love Wednesday So Much, Why Don’t You One-Liner It?

Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!

–Newark Flight

DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!

–Hammerstein Ballroom

Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.

–A Train

Overheard by: Sam

Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!

–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: McFreaky

Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.

–6 Train

Overheard by: oya

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Business and Commerce, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Ew, Jersey, Girls, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Love, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Race, Sports, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners (Sing Along If You Know the Words)

Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time!

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Noelle

Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee.

–Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza

Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him

Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection.

–13th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: rolf

Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road!

–E train

Overheard by: In_the_Shadows

Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa!

–Near NYU

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Guys, Hobos, Latinos, Men, On the Bus, On the Subway, Pee, Penn Station, Sex, Singing, The Bronx, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Would You Feel Better If We Called It ‘Alms’?

Hobette: Can you spare any food? I’m very hungry…Can you spare any food? I’m very hungry…Can you spare any food? I’m very hungry.
Passenger: The Homeless Coalition man is one car ahead and is offering food.
Hobette: I’ll buy my own food. I don’t need no charity!

–Downtown R train

Posted on July 31, 2015
Bag ladies, Homeless, On the Subway

'Cause I Just Gave You Performance Feedback

Subway musician to drunk guy puking: Hey! Come on, asshole, take a cab, this is my place of work!
Drunk guy: You know what, why don't you pay for my cab to Queens and get a real job while you're at it?

–7 Train

Posted on July 30, 2015
Comebacks, Drunks, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Musicians, On the Subway, Vomit

And I Love You, Horns and All

Guy: I am really excited about our trip to Germany in the summer. We have to make sure to stop in Frankfurt to meet my family.
Girl: I am kind of nervous about meeting your grandfather since your mom said he was a Nazi and I am Jewish.
Guy: My grandfather is just a mild Nazi. He only believes in the conspiracy theories about Jews.
Girl: Well, I don’t care that your grandfather’s a Nazi. I love you.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Cannelle

Posted on July 30, 2015
Family Ties, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hitler/Nazis, Love, On the Subway, Relationships, Tourism, Travel, Wishes & desires

Us Non-Retards Read What’s Actually on the Lines

Chick: You talkin’ to me like I’m retarded! I can read between the lines…I can read under the lines and above the lines! But you’re talkin’ like I have a mental condition!
Guy: Sorry, baby…

–5 train

Overheard by: Brian Vitunic

Posted on July 30, 2015
Couples, On the Subway, Stupidity

Wednesday One-liners

Woman: A hundred dollars worth of squeaky toys and you eat garbage off the floor! I don’t get it.

–22nd & 7th

Overheard by: debo

Teenage boy: Once I hit the blind kid that lives downstairs with a ball and I felt so bad but it had me thinking, “what if he got his sight back by me hitting him?”. I would be like, “yo, you have your sight back thanks to me, give me some money.”

–2 train

Girl on cell: Your ass is, like, slightly cuter than my face.

–Union Square

Posted on July 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Violence

On the Subway