On the Subway

Woman #1: They done got my paycheck wrong again. I’m so upset.
Woman #2: How’d they do that this time?
Woman #1: I don’t know, with computers these days, you type in one thing wrong and it ain’t gonna come out right.
Woman #2: Y’know, it’s those young girls in the office that don’t pay no attention to what they’re doin’.
Woman #1: You’re right! They have their fake press-on nails and damn fake hair. And they spend all day running their fake nails through their fake hair instead of watching the keyboard.
Woman #2: Oh, you’re just jealous.

–2 train

Loudspeaker hijacker #1: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. The monkey bit the conductor.
Loudspeaker hijacker #2: Ladies…and gentlemen–Awoo!–please extinguish all crack pipes and prepare for lift off.

–D train

Overheard by: Michael Squeglia

Receptionist lady: Don’t you be sayin’ my whole name; I’m on America’s Most Wanted!

–NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital, West 168th Street

Overheard by: supermerm

Guy: That’s why people like me: for my vagina-cleansing properties.

–Times Square station

Overheard by: Thiess

Dowager: Today was the first day I took a Celebrex since the pogo stick thing.

–Park & 60th

Overheard by: Frank Laser

Suit on cell: It’s sex: somebody’s always taking advantage of someone else…Oh shit, this girl just gave me a look. That’s gonna be on Overheard tomorrow, I just know it.

–45th & Lexington

Overheard by: No, not her

Hobo: Yeah man, that’s good shit. Except for those white-ass American bandstand drummers. Whoever heard of fucking Clark Kent playing bongos?

–55th & 9th

Overheard by: Luke Reynolds

Mother: Hmm…remind me to make a stop at The Home Depot on the way home. Your father said he needed a stripper to remove some paint.

–59th & Lexington

Girl on cell: …And I was like, “Good thing you think I’m pregnant.”

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Halcyon Murphy