Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this Q train is currently making local stops due to the 12 cups of snow outside.
–Q train
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this Q train is currently making local stops due to the 12 cups of snow outside.
–Q train
Girl #1: …and I will totally sell you my old shuffle, cheap.
Girl #2: I don’t know…
Guy: Fuck that, iTunes sucks! All iProducts suck!
Girl #2: Shh! You might offend the girl with the iPod.
Guy: Fuck her! She can’t hear us with those ear things in!
–F train
Overheard by: Girl with the iPod
Girl: How come you don’t eat me out anymore?
Guy: You have ridiculously strong thighs.
Girl: So?
Guy: When you cum you crush my head.
Girl: Jesus, you’re such a pussy.
–L train
Hobo: You remember me?
Bag lady: Yeah, I remember you; I still don’t like you.
Hobo: I still don’t like you either. You still gotta wash your ass. Stop smokin’ crack and wash your asshole!
–1 train
Overheard by: Nico Medina
Hobo: Spare some change for the leprechaun? I just need four dollars to get back over the rainbow.
–1 train
Queer: It’s happening again. My eye is totally twitching.
Guy: No, I don’t see anythinig. are you sure?
Queer: I’m sure. I can feel it. I can feel it but no one can see it. It’s twitching.
Guy: I don’t see it.
Queer: It’s not my eyeball, it’s here. This is so gross.
Guy: Yeah, i just don’t see it.
Queer: It is so disturbing. This happens to Sheila, too, and no one else can see. Only it’s half of her face.
–1 train
Overheard by: Cherie
Guy #1: So I was standin’ in front of the door in the train the other day, and this old lady shoves me like three times when the doors opened. I stepped aside to look at her and I pushed her like this.
Guy #2: What did she do?
Guy #1: She just looked and me and walked out. Fucking bitch!
–N train
Teen boy #1: I hear that girls don’t like muscles, anyways.
Teen boy #2: Well, not creepy ones.
–R train
Overheard by: kk
Woman #1: They done got my paycheck wrong again. I’m so upset.
Woman #2: How’d they do that this time?
Woman #1: I don’t know, with computers these days, you type in one thing wrong and it ain’t gonna come out right.
Woman #2: Y’know, it’s those young girls in the office that don’t pay no attention to what they’re doin’.
Woman #1: You’re right! They have their fake press-on nails and damn fake hair. And they spend all day running their fake nails through their fake hair instead of watching the keyboard.
Woman #2: Oh, you’re just jealous.
–2 train
Loudspeaker hijacker #1: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. The monkey bit the conductor.
Loudspeaker hijacker #2: Ladies…and gentlemen–Awoo!–please extinguish all crack pipes and prepare for lift off.
–D train
Overheard by: Michael Squeglia
