Conductor: If you see something, say something. If you see any unattended or suspicious packages, don’t hesitate to tell someone. Just don’t tell me, though.

–A train

Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky

Barista: And on the counter we have… A brown paper bag with something in it! Someone ordered it. Or left it here. Possibly bin Laden.

–Think Coffee, Mercer & W 4th

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please be advised that any packages or large bags are subject to search. This is the happy state of the world in which we live. And on that note, the time is 8:15 a.m.

–Uptown A train

Hobo: I will tell you the rules of being a goddamn New Yorker: one — when you see a suspicious package, do not fucking tell anyone. If it has money in it, well, then you can take the money, but it probably doesn’t, so don’t say anything! Also, when you are in the city, do not refer to Sixth Avenue as ‘Avenue of the Americas’ unless you wish to sound like a complete moron!

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Overheard by: Zoe

Conductor: This is the last stop, Newark Penn Station. No passengers. Please take all your suspicious packages.

–WTC-Newark PATH Train