Hipster to friend about passing gaggle of hipsterettes: Dude, tits — that’s all you’re staring at.
–Meserole St & Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint
Overheard by: napalm kitty
Hipster to friend about passing gaggle of hipsterettes: Dude, tits — that’s all you’re staring at.
–Meserole St & Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint
Overheard by: napalm kitty
30-ish investment banker on cell: She had so much makeup on her face she looked like she had just blown 20 clowns.
–44th & Park
Dude: Yeah, I’m sorry I missed your call, My phone was, uh, on vibrate, and I forgot my leg was numb!
–Botanic Garden stop, Brooklyn shuttle
Overheard by: elizabeth
Hobo, after bumping into Asian lady suit: Damn! Bump into me and don’t even say sorry. That’s rude — just plain rude. Now I know why Godzilla attacked you guys. Just damn rude. Rude, rude, rude. Hey, watch out back there. Godzilla starts munching down on this subway and he’s for sure gon’ start right back there.
–A train
Overheard by: Jim W.
Lady on cell: Sorry, I can’t meet you for lunch. It’s been a long day — I got divorced, it was my dad’s birthday, and I need to get groceries.
–19th, between 5th & 6th
Waiter: I’m terribly sorry, sir, but we’ve just sold our last sole.
–ESCA restaurant
Pilot: For those of you on the right side of the aircraft, there will be a great view of Manhattan. We’ll be coming up the Hudson and making a turn over Central Park heading into the Southwest. For those of you on the left side of the aircraft, well… you get Newark, sorry.
–Flight 3188 into LaGuardia
Overheard by: Wendy to the right
Suit: I don’t know why people still aren’t over the Nazis. They’re really sorry.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Tom
Clerk: My water tastes like the soup we had yesterday. And I can’t decide whether to keep drinking it or not.
–Housing Works Bookstore
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
Buppie on cell: Listen, I’ll come over, we’ll brew some tea, and then we’ll get hammered.
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Justine
Guy’s guy: My 19th birthday is Monday… Yeah, I think I’m gonna cry… I don’t know, I’ve been crying a lot lately. Like, I was reading a Times Book Review the other day, and at the end I just started crying… I know! I think it’s all the soy milk I’ve been drinking.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Mbeezers
Black lady: Cold water here! Cold water! Come and get your cold water! Black people, come and get your cold water from a sista. Jewish people, come and get your cold water, it’s kosher.
–Union Square
Overheard by: alana landa
Professor: I completely understand if anyone feels like committing suicide after this class. Or drinking a pint of whiskey. Both are appropriate responses.
–Fordham University Rose Hill
Overheard by: raqqy
Short guy in lavender polo: And I just flewww that cranberry juice right up to that wedding!
–Canal St
RA to freshman: Forties are like the new Cristal. They’re economic… They’re sociable… And yeah, yeah that’s it.
–Columbia freshman dorm lounge
Overheard by: Columbia Freshman
Bearded intellectual: So apparently a hundred and thirty scientists worldwide have decided that there is such a thing as climate change and that we are causing it. I have to write an article on it, and it’s my job to bury it. ‘Cause this is gonna be all over the news. Well, let’s hope for global warming, because then we’ll all have beach-front property.
–6 train
Overheard by: tanechka
Middle-aged guy on cell: I am happy to announce that there is no global warming!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: It was 70 degrees in January…
Girl reading an ad on a bus stop: Do nothing… Save the world from global warming… I definitely prefer the former.
–Broadway near Lincoln Center
Climate change enthusiast: If this is global warming, bring it on. Bring it on!
–79th & Park
Man on cell: I just wanted to let you know that in light of global warming, I’m no longer going to be using toilet paper, like Sheryl Crow.
–58th & 7th
Overheard by: freckles
American Airlines pilot, landing after a blizzard: Well, we’ve just received word from the tower that global warming has been called off.
–JFK
Overheard by: Soapnana
Conductor: If you see something, say something. If you see any unattended or suspicious packages, don’t hesitate to tell someone. Just don’t tell me, though.
–A train
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
Barista: And on the counter we have… A brown paper bag with something in it! Someone ordered it. Or left it here. Possibly bin Laden.
–Think Coffee, Mercer & W 4th
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please be advised that any packages or large bags are subject to search. This is the happy state of the world in which we live. And on that note, the time is 8:15 a.m.
–Uptown A train
Hobo: I will tell you the rules of being a goddamn New Yorker: one — when you see a suspicious package, do not fucking tell anyone. If it has money in it, well, then you can take the money, but it probably doesn’t, so don’t say anything! Also, when you are in the city, do not refer to Sixth Avenue as ‘Avenue of the Americas’ unless you wish to sound like a complete moron!
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: Zoe
Conductor: This is the last stop, Newark Penn Station. No passengers. Please take all your suspicious packages.
–WTC-Newark PATH Train
Dude to woman: You can’t talk about the second dimension, but you can talk about sewing?!
–12th & 4th
Overheard by: Joy
Asian woman to boyfriend: I am not going to talk about having a threesome with you and your clone on the train!
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: Ann
Chick on cell: … Talking about the apocalypse, but they were really laid back people.
–Barnard College
Lady: I can’t even talk to you for seven minutes, and you’re about to be my husband!
–Union Square
Woman on cell: I know you’re full of muscle relaxants and want to chat, but I can’t talk right now. Just take a picture of it and email it to me.
–57th & 6th
Overheard by: Withnail
Girl: Oh! Funny story — I was talking to my therapist about suicide yesterday…
–13th & 6th
Overheard by: gigglesnort
Beefy Italian guy on cell: He’s got an equal opportunity to go fuck himself!
–3rd St & Ave A
Overheard by: Liz A.
Italian chick: My brother got so many velours — he got more velours than the stores!
–Staten Island Ferry
Cranky Italian: No, no, no! That’s my problem with this city! They never give you a full glass of wine!
–Midtown
Italian guy to four friends: No. Fuck you, motherfucker! I used it in a sentence — you define it!
–Spring & Mott
Overheard by: Douglas A. Cheesman II
Italian hardhat: Yo, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I found a girl with a little class, a little self-respect, that she’s not banging me two days after she knows me. I’m sorry if that upsets you.
–75th & Madison
Overheard by: Anne
Italian mobster, after turning down wrong aisle: Oh, sugar!
–Duane Reade, Fulton St
Overheard by: tj
Little kid: It burns! It burns! [Pauses when a lady tells him to be quiet, then] It burns! It burns! It burns!
–Bx9 bus
Overheard by: Krisztina
Student: I didn’t describe the sculpture, I just said that the combination of her and Weird Al inspired me.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Haley
Woman: I’m not really into the whole modern art thing — I just don’t like it.
–MoMA
Confused foreign professor: Monet and Picasso are famous painters. George Bush is not.
–NYU
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Man to woman after they make out: The problem is, if you’re an artist today and you take a picture of a guy jumping off a bridge in Paris, no one’s going to care.
–Armory Art Fair
JAP: So, are these the real Monets?
–The Met
Overheard by: Charlie Nicholson
