Wednesday One-Liners?E I E I O

Cop to another: So she said, "see ya later, alligator." To which I retorted, "in a while, crocodile."

–Cunningham Park, Queens

Girl on cell: That was the day I woke up with the pigeon in my bed!

–Christopher St

Law school chick, stopping and staring at pigeon in her path: You go girl!

–East Village

Girl on intercom: Llama needed at the Oyster Bar ramp for a spill!

–Grand Central

Suit to friend: I mean, I don't understand. If people really want to pay like $30,000 to hunt them, I don't see what the problem is.

–Bronx Zoo

Curly grey-haired middle aged crafty lady: If you let them have sex with goats, they'll leave children alone!

–Crafts Fair, Red Hook Fairway

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Posted on November 5, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Assholes, Astoria, Beastiality, Birds, Cops, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Just Do It

20-something on cell: So yeah, I hit a new low. So you know how I had sex with Dan, Steve and Dave? Well, I totally just handled my friend from work who is married and we did it in his daughter's bed. If that doesnt say I'm crazy, I dont know what does? (pause) Are you kidding me? His wife never gives it up, that man busted four times in a matter of minutes.
(pause). Well, that's now four men this week who said I have the best pussy they've had.

–159th & Broadway

Overheard by: morgan

Girl: She was fucking everybody in this city–and no one even liked her!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: bRonwyn

20-something man to girlfriend: You're a grown woman! I can't help it if you're a whore!

–7 Train

Overheard by: becky z-dub

Girl on cell: Wait, so you and Skylar are dating now? Ahh, so exciting! (pause) No, you didn't already tell me. You said that you woke up next to him. Since when does that mean you're dating someone?

–Bedford & 8th

20-something blonde on phone: All those people who laugh and snigger at you only do it because they too have experienced the walk of shame.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Man on phone: I can't be constantly wondering who you're sleeping with! I tell you, I'm tired, I'm old, and I can't do what I'm supposed to do. I'm a good 60, but I ain't good enough to be waking up everyday and chasing you around!

–Coffee shop, Crown Heights

Overheard by: Eric

Hipster on cell: I don't see what's so wrong with going up to someone on the street and saying, "hey, what's up? Let's fuck!" I do it all the time!

–Great Hall, Cooper Union

Overheard by: NYUTSOA12

Posted on November 5, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Compliments, Dating, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Infidelity, Laughter, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One Night Stand, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Questions, Sex, Soho, Store, Street, Three is Company, Vagina, Weirdness, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Are Great–Just Ask Them

Guy: I finally found someone who's as crazy about me as I am!

–1st Ave & 2nd St

Young guy to girlfriend: Sometimes I listen to myself and I think, "How do I know *so much* about marketing?"

–Downtown E Train

Guy to friend in movie theater, just before movie starts: Dude, my blog post today was *so* good.

–Loews Theater, 34th St

Girl: I'm attractive and I have a lot of friends!

–PATH Train

Overheard by: tb

Girl to friends: Hey guys… I'm really glad we're us. Or else I'd be really jealous of us.

–West Village

Overheard by: Max

Posted on October 29, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Business and Commerce, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Friends, Girlfriends, Guys, Happiness, Idiots, Internet, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Stupidity, Theater, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

Wednesday Ugliners

Employee: I was eatin' with my fried Okra and I vomited all over your fetus…and that's why you're so ugly.

–The Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: Dazzle

Girl on cell: Oh, please! That bitch is ugly and her cooch probably smells too, he can have her! Because I don't need him or his greasy ass head or pencil dick. (pause) What? Oh, fuck you also! (hangs up and storms off)

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich

Serious gay black man on phone: Oh, please honey…there are just so many ugly white women in Europe…it's got to be something in the water!

–45th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Culturally Challenged

20-something guy on cell: She ain't the prettiest bitch, but she got these crazy little hands.

–Throop & Macon, Bedford-Stuyvesant

Overheard by: elephantgiraffe

Hipster girl: I have ugly friends. I just don't hang out with them on weekends.

–McCarren Park Pool

Overheard by: I don't hang out with ugly people

Attractive tween to friends: And then Lindsay's aunt came into the bathroom to comfort us and said, "pretty people always get blamed for things ugly people do."

–W 65th St. & Columbus Ave

Posted on October 29, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Beauty, Bimbettes, Biotechs, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Crazies, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Idiots, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queer guys, Race, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Travel, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Mr. Yankovic's Wednesday One-Liners

Random white male on cell: People thought I was weird as shit in high school… Cause I hung out with all the black people!

–Washington Square Park

Uptown girl: This place is…this is weird.

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Emily B.

Girl: She was weird. She had, like, a Midwestern accent or something. I think she was from Maine.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Tattooed 20-something girl: He's such a weirdo; I had to ask six times for his urine.

–J Train

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Chick on cell: He's had his dick in me, but I worry it would be out of line to Facebook friend him. Modern life is so weird.

–Columbia University

Posted on October 29, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Biotechs, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Facebook, Girls, Idiots, Money & Class, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Pee, Penis, Race, Rich people, School and studying, Sex, Street, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Dig Deuteronomy

Old Jewish woman at the start of Yom Kippur: I think god wants me to be in a theater rather than in temple.

–45th & 8th

Little boy to friend: It wasn't until last year that I realized that not everybody is Jews!

–Near Columbia

Overheard by: CSims

Gym receptionist discussing television series Mad Men: It's sexist against women…and Jews, too!

–10th & 7th

Overheard by: Zack

Elderly Jewish woman, in hushed voice, to elderly Jewish man: My rabbi is an atheist who lives in Israel! What can you say?

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Rabbi's Agnostic daughter

Goyish looking guy with toddler in stroller: Well, you know the Hebrews always like to celebrate the New Year–especially in a year that ends in '69, if you know what I mean.

–Mercer & Broome

Overheard by: Garuda

Woman on cell: We're on the bus run by Hassidic Jews, ya know, like Woody Allen… It's like the Jewish express!… Nah, I'm covering up the phone so no one hears me.

–Vamoose Bus, Penn Station

Posted on October 29, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn College, Bus, Clerks, Columbia University, Dads, Friends, Gender issues, Jews, Judaism, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Public Transportation, Shiksas (& other Gentiles), Soho, Street, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wiisday One-Liners

Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."

–SoHo

Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy…you're downgrading my PSP.

–The Village

Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!

–Chinese School

40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?

–GameStop, Park Ave

Overheard by: Jake C.

Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.

–43rd & Madison

Posted on October 22, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dads, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Girlfriends, Guys, Idiots, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Questions, Relationships, School, Sex, Soho, Store, Stupidity, The Village, Threats, Video Games, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Will Slap You Like a Red-Headed Stepchild

Woman on cell: Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to punch you in the face! I love you.

–A Bus

Spanish chick: Two things can't happen tonight. One, I can't get in a fight tonight. Two, I can't see nobody I don't like.

–5th Ave & 11th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Homeless, burnt-out surfer lady: Then I looked up, and this cunt is about to hit me like a man!

–139th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

Guy to girl: The next time your parents chuckle at my misfortunes, I'm gonna kick 'em in the nuts. I'm gonna kill 'em!

–20th St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn

Jamaican conductor over PA: Don't move between cars while the train is in motion. I don't want to have to knock you the fuck out.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Got Knocked Out

Posted on October 22, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Bus, Couples, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kick, Love, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Public Transportation, Punch, Subway conductors, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

The More the Merrier, Wednesday One-Liners!

Elderly woman sipping wine: Three girls and one guy? Sounds like a good time!

–Queens

Overheard by: amused cashier

Dude on cell: Hey bro, whatcha doing? Oh, yeah? What about your friend, does he like doing that? Does he like it a lot? Do you think I can come over? Well, then we can all do that together, a lot. (sees people looking at him) I'll talk to you later, bro.

–Church St Post Office

Overheard by: deshaunicus

Serious girl: And then they asked for a three-way, but a tasteful one.

–15th St & 5th Ave

Middle aged woman to friend: I just got this bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers.

–Bike Shop, 12th St & Ave B

20-something chick: I am *so* over threesomes. There's just too much going on!

–Weight Room, Coles Gym

Overheard by: M.F.

White chick in sundress: I'm too naive for their kind of orgies.

–Dallas BBQ, 165th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk guy at bar: I have to pee, but first I have one word for you: threesome.

–Crocodile Lounge

Posted on October 22, 2008
Alphabet City, Ass, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Football, Friends, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Pee, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Three is Company, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

How Many One-Liners Are in a Wednesday? Show Your Work

Serious hipster girl: There is a nine-out-of-ten percent chance she won't call, but there is a one percent chance she will.

–L Train

Overheard by: Kansas

Grad student: You slept with him? This is not a good data-point.

–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Serious 20-something: You know pi? Like 3.14? You could shave the symbol into your pubes and you'd have hair pi.

–Coffe Bar Lounge

Student: Math chicks aren't the most glorious specimens of femininity.

–Shake Shack

Overheard by: Mary Elizabeth

Young man to friend: If you add it up, it's a lot of money. But when you do the math, it's not really that much money.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: Joy

Older cousin to younger cousin: How are you going to be rich if you don't like math? Rich people are good at math. They have to count their money.

–Stuyvesant Square

Overheard by: Peanut

Girl complaining to math teacher: No, you don't understand. I can't multiply past six.

–Marymount Manhattan College

Overheard by: Austin G.

Posted on October 22, 2008
Bars & Clubs, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Disabilities, Families, Ferry, Friends, Girls, Hair, Hipsters, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Questions, School and studying, Science, Sex, Staten Island Ferry, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Teachers/Professors, Upper East Side, Words

One-liners