Man: Hey! It’s so great to run into you! I haven’t heard from you in so long!
Woman: Yeah, that’s because you didn’t call me after we slept together.
–50th between 5th & 6th
Man: Hey! It’s so great to run into you! I haven’t heard from you in so long!
Woman: Yeah, that’s because you didn’t call me after we slept together.
–50th between 5th & 6th
Drunk customer: What kind of drunk return policy do you have?
Cashier: It’s a 14-day return policy.
Drunk customer: That’s not much of a drunk policy. Most guys get drunk and wake up next to women they regret the next day. Me? I wake up next to Dostoievsky and Dickens after a bender. I love New York!
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
Overheard by: Random
Young girl: Are you Jewish?
Thirty-something guy in suit: No. Are you?
Young girl: No.
Thirty-something guy in suit: Why? Is that a prerequisite for a one night stand?
Young girl: Am I seriously hearing this?
–Blind Pig, 14th St
Overheard by: Seventh Floor Walk-up
Trendy hipster: We went back to his place and I ended up going down on him.
Trendy hipster's friend: What? Not a month ago, I asked you if you two were gonna hook up and you said “No way!” I call slut!
Trendy hipster: He's going back home soon, so I was like, “whatever.” You'd do the same thing, too. You know it.
Trendy hipster's friend: But… I'm a vegan.
–Union & Broadway
Woman to male companion: I told you about that guy I accidentally slept with, right?
–Bar at Sushi Samba, 7th Ave
Overheard by: David Russo
Girl to friend: Because it is more than just, sexual, you know? (pause) Well, actually, it's not, but…
–14th b/w 6th & 7th
Man to woman: You know Mesopotamian sex? That's me.
–Washington Square Park
Man walking dog on cell: My number one conquest since coming here was a 21-year-old Native American.
–27th & Broadway
Girl on cell: Mom, how am I supposed to have sex on a bed that has wheels?
–15th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Steve Hofstetter
Guy: So I fucked her on a bench, but I didn't finish, because I kept telling her about my girlfriend and how much I love her. So she got pissed of and took a taxi home to her parents.
–5th Ave
40-something man: Just tell that landlord that you don't need no electricity or no cable because you gonna be makin' love all the damn time!
–14th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: tracey
20-something on cell: So yeah, I hit a new low. So you know how I had sex with Dan, Steve and Dave? Well, I totally just handled my friend from work who is married and we did it in his daughter's bed. If that doesnt say I'm crazy, I dont know what does? (pause) Are you kidding me? His wife never gives it up, that man busted four times in a matter of minutes.
(pause). Well, that's now four men this week who said I have the best pussy they've had.
–159th & Broadway
Overheard by: morgan
Girl: She was fucking everybody in this city–and no one even liked her!
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: bRonwyn
20-something man to girlfriend: You're a grown woman! I can't help it if you're a whore!
–7 Train
Overheard by: becky z-dub
Girl on cell: Wait, so you and Skylar are dating now? Ahh, so exciting! (pause) No, you didn't already tell me. You said that you woke up next to him. Since when does that mean you're dating someone?
–Bedford & 8th
20-something blonde on phone: All those people who laugh and snigger at you only do it because they too have experienced the walk of shame.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Man on phone: I can't be constantly wondering who you're sleeping with! I tell you, I'm tired, I'm old, and I can't do what I'm supposed to do. I'm a good 60, but I ain't good enough to be waking up everyday and chasing you around!
–Coffee shop, Crown Heights
Overheard by: Eric
Hipster on cell: I don't see what's so wrong with going up to someone on the street and saying, "hey, what's up? Let's fuck!" I do it all the time!
–Great Hall, Cooper Union
Overheard by: NYUTSOA12
Coworker #1: Man, last night was a big night. I don’t even remember what happened after two. I woke up next to a half-eaten pizza.
Coworker #2: Yeah, I woke up next to a half-inflated blow-up doll. I had to submerge her in water in the morning to find the hole.
–Bar, LES
Headline by: like an albino shame-raisen
Runners-Up:
· “Between Latex and Pepperoni Lies Inebriation. By Calvin Klein” – Dan
· “He Was a Sharp One.” – C-in-OH
· “Just Like When I Lost My Virginity, Except This Time I Didn’t Kill Her” – Silverfish
· “Pies and Dolls” – Mikkel Hundewadt-Jensen
· “Star Trek Convention: The Morning After” – nicky c.
Bimbette #1: I know you guys made out and had sex. You had a little crush.
Bimbette #2: Well, he was nice to me.
–12th & 4th
Guy #1: So, which one is it? Which one — the one night stand one?
Guy #2: Yeah, the one night stand.
Guy #1: The one night stand is pregnant? What about the one after?
Guy #2: No, the one after isn’t pregnant… yet… I don’t think…
–1 train
Woman #1: Well, have fun in Vegas.
Woman #2: Thanks. I want to win big and get laid.
Woman #1: Well, use protection, honey.
Woman #2: Is that a new product?
–Macy’s Herald Square
