College dude #1: You know what I hate about New York?
College dude #2: What?
College dude #1: Female mustaches.
College dude #2: You don’t think there are women with mustaches anywhere else?
College dude #1: No, but there are shitloads more here than anywhere else, and no one seems to care.
College dude #2: Touché.
–59th & 10th
Dressy girls, wiping faces: Ewww! What is that?! Ugh! Ewww!
Guy passerby: It’s just a little city juice. That’s all!
–Spring & Mercer
Hardhat: Sometimes I like pissing on the sawdust floor and seeing the dust come right back up in the air.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: TVontheFritz
Black hardhat to hot chick: Will you be my screensaver?
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: Philip
Hardhat: This whole street smells like panties!
–43rd & 8th
Big hardhat, after bumped by lady: Yo, I’m tryin’ to be Italian over here!
–64th & 1st
Overheard by: Rich Templeton
Fat lady: Whew! Hey, I think I just found the love of my life! The subway conductor! [People smile.] Wooo! He’s got a nice package! [People look away.] I tell ya, one night with him — you’ll never forget it! Where are we? Is this 34th? Look out! Clear the way! Wide load comin’ through! Have a wonderful day! [She exits, then screeches from the platform as train moves away] I love youuu!
–R train
Urban gentleman: Yeah, you can buy the naked cowboy’s picture in Times Square for, like, 25 dollars.
Urban lady: For real? Damn. He hot, though. He definitely waxing. In those briefs, nigga’s gotta be gettin’ a Brazilian.
Urban gentleman: Yeah, I ain’t no homo or nothin’, but how’s he not get hard walkin’ around in nothin’ but briefs?
Urban lady: It’s called ‘entertainment.’
–6 train
Overheard by: Barry Negrin
Man: Oh my god. This coffee right here — the best coffee I’ve ever had.
Employee: And only 85 cents!
Man: 85 cents! Look at that! You can’t get anything in New York for only 85 cents!
Girl holding Skittles: Except Skittles.
Man: What is that? What’s it called?
Girl: Skittles.
Man: Oh, man, I gotta get me some of that stuff.
–Happy Mart, 8th St
Overheard by: happy customer at happy mart
Guy to buddy: It’s just like New York, except it’s clean and quiet… and people are nice.
–51st & Broadway
Tourist girl: You guys, we’re finally here! New York! Sleepless in… Oh my god, I’m such a moron!
–Incoming Air Canada flight, JFK airport
Overheard by: la petite touriste
Hobo to passerby wearing ‘I love NY’ shirt: Try living here for a few months, see how much you fucking love it.
–Chinatown
Pedicab driver to intrigued tourists: It is the most exciting thing you will do in New York City.
–58th & 5th
Overheard by: Stevo
Woman: Sure, in New York something gets blown up every now and then. But at least we don’t have to worry about falling off into the ocean.
–Filene’s Basement
Overheard by: amused tourist
High-strung mom to nanny: Just leave him here and go check. He’s not going to get kidnapped. No one in New York wants kids, anyway.
–C train
Subway preacher: All of you are going to hell because of New York!
–Grand Central
Teacher: What country do we live in?
Very enthusiastic little boy: The United States of New York!
Teacher, a few minutes later: Can someone name a state outside of New York?
Very enthusiastic little boy: Brooklyn!
–First grade classroom, the Bronx
Preppy guy waiting for walk signal: Hi there.
Hot girl: Um, do I know you?
Preppy guy: No, I was just being friendly…
Hot girl: Oh, yeah? Well then why don’t you say hi to her, too? [Points to fat chick nearby.]Preppy guy, to himself: God, I hate New Yorkers…
–Central Park
Overheard by: well I LOVE New Yorkers
Granny: Be careful!
Man jaywalking with several bags in hand: Ma, I know how to walk the streets in New York. [Car comes to screeching halt in front of him and honks. Man yells to driver] Fuck you! [To granny] See, I’m fine.
–Main St, Flushing
Overheard by: a fully certified ny pedestrian
