Drunk lady: I don’t know how you get all those fuckin’ girls. You’re
motherfuckin’ 70 years old!
Old man: My dick. My big fuckin’ dick.
–Carroll Gardens
Drunk lady: I don’t know how you get all those fuckin’ girls. You’re
motherfuckin’ 70 years old!
Old man: My dick. My big fuckin’ dick.
–Carroll Gardens
Guy #1: Tell em’ what I did.
Guy #2: Pissed on her.
Guy #1: I pissed on her face while she was sleeping!
–Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: Kate C.
Hipster guy: If I take off my pants and there’s blood on my cock, it’ll totally be your fault.
–13th & B
Overheard by: WillieBee
Guy: It was a good night! We saw the parade…we got drunk…I made out with a pregnant nun…
–Ben’s Pizza, Spring Street
Overheard by: A. Yanishevsky
Drunk girl: Hey, Red #2, where’s the rest of the pack?
Red crayon guy: Ooh, you’re a regular Dean Martin, aren’t you?
–Puck Fair, Lafayette Street
Guy on cell: Trick or treat, fucking witch!
–20th & Park
Overheard by: Pedro Lebron
Guy #1: I know it’s Halloween and this is the West Village, but do you faggots have to block the entire sidewalk?
Guy #2: Oh go sit on a cock.
Guy #1: Yeah, you’d like that.
–Christopher & Bedford
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Chick on cell: Wait, wait, he put what where?…Uh huh…Well it was
Halloween last night…And then he did what? He ate it? That must have tasted like shit, literally!
–F train
Hipster girl: You know that guy Adam? That I….screwed? Well, he got arrested on Halloween for having a gun that looked like a gun.
–Mercer & Waverly
Girl: Oh my god, what is that smell?
Boy: Yeah, what is that?
Hobo fort: It’s my big fat cock!
–57th & 6th
A bunch of people walk by a guy peeing.
Guy: Don’t fucking look at my penis!
–St. Marks
Drunk guy: For the last time, a chick with a dick is a hermaphrodite!
–47th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jerad Lewis
Girl: Is your package big?
Guy: …I don’t know…depends on what my mom ordered.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Bowserhsu
Mom: Stop giving your sister the evil eye! What did I tell you about giving people the evil eye?
Little boy: That they would be sent to Hell forever to live with the devil.
–Bx22 bus
Bookchick #1: I had to go and see a circumcision yesterday. Any mother who does that to their son is evil and should burn in Hell.
Bookchick #2: Yeah, but it’s much more hygienic.
Bookchick #1: So? Your labia gets dirty too.
–Barnes & Noble, 22nd & 6th
Overheard by: Vic Payback
Queer #1: He told me he had an 8 inch penis.
Queer #2: Oh really?
Queer #1: It was only 8 inches if he put it in twice.
–L train
Overheard by: Marcus and Nate
