Man #1: Hey man, why are you hanging out with her? She’s a total dickbag.
Man #2: Dude, I’m imagining like…a bag…of…like…dicks?
–114th & Broadway
(cf. this entry.)
Man #1: Hey man, why are you hanging out with her? She’s a total dickbag.
Man #2: Dude, I’m imagining like…a bag…of…like…dicks?
–114th & Broadway
(cf. this entry.)
Girl: Well, as a lesbian, it’s not something I understand…
Guy: You mean, she’s a size queen?
Girl: I didn’t say that…but I don’t get it.
Guy: I don’t get it either. I mean, I’ve slammed into someone’s cervix, and it didn’t look like that was too fun for her.
Girl: Well, I guess you have nothing to worry about.
–Under The Volcano, East 36th Street
Doorman #1: You know what I get to do with her? Besides cuddle, I mean. You know what I do?
Doorman #2: What?
Doorman #1: I get to expose my penis to her.
–43rd & 5th
Hipster girl #1: I mean, I feel bad for not finishing him, but I didn’t want to break the tradition. He’s never been finished before right?
Hipster girl #2: Never, and I think he’s a little traumatized ever since that girl threw up on his…you know.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Girl #1: You and Lori are friends, right?
Girl #2: Yeah, I guess. Why?
Girl #1: Curious. Did you guys talk about the guy she’s dating at all?
Girl #2: Nope. It’s hard to get past conversations that don’t have her sucking my dick. Ha, ha! Sorry.
Girl #1: Wait, what? Confused.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Ilysse Weise
Guy #1: So my daughter saw me peeing the other day and says, “Daddy, what’s that?” And I say, “Penis.” And she’s like, “Peanuts?” And I’m like, “No, penis!” And she’s like, “Peanuts!” And I’m like,
“pe-nis!” And she’s like, “pea-nuts!”
Guy #2: Why are you holding your arms out when you say “penis”?
–Heartland Brewery, 6th Avenue
Overheard by: GeeGoo
Dude: Are you suggesting MacGyver is my penis?
–F train
Overheard by: Giovanni Diaz
Old man on pay phone: If I see another nigger on this street, I’m gonna rip his dick off and eat it!
–Chambers & Church
Overheard by: Ziggy
Girl: I’ve seen pictures of you as a child. You didn’t look Jewish. Hitler would have loved you. Well, until he saw your penis.
Guy: Wow…uh…wow.
–78th & Columbus
A woman at the next table is eating kielbasa with cole slaw.
Queer: Ew, that is so gross!
Woman: Do you want to know what’s gross? Sucking on someone’s cock that has just been in your ass.
–Veselka, 2nd Avenue
