Cute little girl: Dad, guess what I made in school today!
Dad: What's that?
Cute little girl, opening arms wide: A giant poop!
Dad: Okay, honey…
Cute little girl: In the toilet!
–F Train
Overheard by: Laura
Cute little girl: Dad, guess what I made in school today!
Dad: What's that?
Cute little girl, opening arms wide: A giant poop!
Dad: Okay, honey…
Cute little girl: In the toilet!
–F Train
Overheard by: Laura
Chick: Don’t get too close to Paul because if he busts ass it’s going to smell like Y2K!
–9th Street & 6th Avenue
Disgruntled suit on cell: I know how to pee! — Venti decaf frappucino — I’ve been doing it since I was born!
–Starbucks, Spring & Crosby
Overheard by: Mistress Silver
Girl to friend: … And then he just started peeing in front of all of us. Everyone else ran away except for me!
–St. Mark’s & 2nd
Overheard by: that’s the whole point of galoshes, right?
Whiny guy: I don’t mind getting into a pissing contest so long as I’ve got my stick!
–Boulevard Tavern, Greepoint
Chick meeting friends: Guys, don’t tell Jim this, but I just peed in between two subway cars on a moving train on the way here.
–Regal cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Amazed that this is physically possible
Guy to buddy: I probably got the cleanest fucking urine in that whole building!
–Rector St & Trinity Pl
Overheard by: Benjie
Screaming man on cell: How many times do I have to tell you?! Do not piss on the street! Do not shit on the street! Do you hear me?!
–7th Ave, between 28th & 29th
Lady, seeing long line for toilet: What a long line! Is there anyone in the men's room? I'll use it, why not? It's the same! (Knocks on door, gets no answer. Opens door)
Lady: Woooooo! The smell!
(stands there for 30 seconds with grimace, complaining)
Poor little boy, coming out of bathroom, in shaky voice: There's… There's no one else in there.
–School, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
Driver: I fuckin' hate that building. Ugliest fuckin' building I ever seen. It looks like a bong or a toilet or somethin'. I'd shit on that building.
Passenger, under his breath: Jesus Christ, man, just drive the car.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: AdHoculi
Little boy in bathroom: Oooh… Dad, I love you.
Dad outside stall: I love you, too, buddy, but you don’t have to tell me that when you are on the crapper.
–Bathroom, Penn Station
Mom: Do you need to poop?
Little girl: I don’t wanna poop!
Mom: You’ll get a treat if you poop.
Little girl: But I don’t wanna.
Mom: You either do it or you don’t. I don’t have all day to talk about poop.
–JFK bathroom stall
Overheard by: plo
Guy: Remember when your shit was all yellow and shit? Remember that? What happened then?
Girl: I DON’T CARE!
–Broadway & Grand
Cyclist: So he was all, "my shit is your shit," and I thought, "that's the most romantic thing I've heard."
–Central Park
Dude on cell, checking out sunblock: They don't have shit here. SPF 15 is too high!
–Duane Reade, Flushing
Toddler that dropped his toy: Oh, shit!
–7th Ave, Park Slope
10-year-old boy to friend: That was like the first time I ever took a shit in a public bathroom.
–2nd Ave & 9th St
Man in baggy jeans walking with gusto: Oh, yes, oh yeah. She wanted my shiiit… She wanted my shit!
–6 Train
Chick to friends: He is totally going to shit a tampon!
–84th St & Amsterdam
Emo: Do you do anal?
JAP fox: Uh, no, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't do it, just hasn't come up yet.
Emo to another girl: Do you do anal?
Another girl: Bitch! I can't even take a shit.
–Special Boutique, 2nd & Bedford
Overheard by: Este
