Lady, seeing long line for toilet: What a long line! Is there anyone in the men's room? I'll use it, why not? It's the same! (Knocks on door, gets no answer. Opens door)
Lady: Woooooo! The smell!
(stands there for 30 seconds with grimace, complaining)
Poor little boy, coming out of bathroom, in shaky voice: There's… There's no one else in there.
–School, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
Driver: I fuckin' hate that building. Ugliest fuckin' building I ever seen. It looks like a bong or a toilet or somethin'. I'd shit on that building.
Passenger, under his breath: Jesus Christ, man, just drive the car.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: AdHoculi
Little boy in bathroom: Oooh… Dad, I love you.
Dad outside stall: I love you, too, buddy, but you don’t have to tell me that when you are on the crapper.
–Bathroom, Penn Station
Mom: Do you need to poop?
Little girl: I don’t wanna poop!
Mom: You’ll get a treat if you poop.
Little girl: But I don’t wanna.
Mom: You either do it or you don’t. I don’t have all day to talk about poop.
–JFK bathroom stall
Overheard by: plo
Guy: Remember when your shit was all yellow and shit? Remember that? What happened then?
Girl: I DON’T CARE!
–Broadway & Grand
Cyclist: So he was all, "my shit is your shit," and I thought, "that's the most romantic thing I've heard."
–Central Park
Dude on cell, checking out sunblock: They don't have shit here. SPF 15 is too high!
–Duane Reade, Flushing
Toddler that dropped his toy: Oh, shit!
–7th Ave, Park Slope
10-year-old boy to friend: That was like the first time I ever took a shit in a public bathroom.
–2nd Ave & 9th St
Man in baggy jeans walking with gusto: Oh, yes, oh yeah. She wanted my shiiit… She wanted my shit!
–6 Train
Chick to friends: He is totally going to shit a tampon!
–84th St & Amsterdam
Emo: Do you do anal?
JAP fox: Uh, no, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't do it, just hasn't come up yet.
Emo to another girl: Do you do anal?
Another girl: Bitch! I can't even take a shit.
–Special Boutique, 2nd & Bedford
Overheard by: Este
Girl #1: I don’t normally carry a bag of vomit with me as a weapon.
Girl #2: We should market that.
–54th & 7th
Mom: You poor hungry boy… I’ll make dinner for you as soon as we get home.
Six-year-old son, sullenly: Okay.
Mom: Do you want macaroni and cheese? How about pasta? I can make you those little nuggets. [Son shakes his head.] Oh, is it the other kind of hunger? Do you have to poop? [Son nods.]
–Elevator, Washington Heights
Overheard by: Morgan
Teen girl #1: Wait, so you just let him do you in the butt? You let him sodomize you?
Teen girl #2: It wasn’t bad. I couldn’t shit for a few days, though. So I took some laxatives, then I shit myself in the mall yesterday.
–Liberty Island
Overheard by: binja
