Poop

Ghetto guy herding large group of rowdy kids off train: Scuse me, scuse me, scuse me! Lotta kids, they all ain't mine!

–C Train

Overheard by: Julie S.

Professional woman on cell: I mean, she said she'd finally come to the place where she realizes her kids are shit, and she can just wash her hands off the whole situation and be done with it!

–40th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rachel

Receptionist to UPS guy: Shit, I got five kids, and they're all bad.

–6th Ave & 47th

Overheard by: thanks mom

Angry woman, yelling on phone: Nigga, don't give me that "parenting role" shit!

–Flatbush Ave & Park Place, Brooklyn

Concerned mother: He's not even potty-trained, all he does is eat the toilet paper.

–University Pl & 8th St

Overheard by: Justin

Girl #1: Oh my god, no offense, but that corn on the cob you made last night tasted like you wiped your ass with it.
Girl #2: Where the hell did that come from?
Girl #1: Sorry but I always associate corn with shit. Maybe I just put too much salt on it.

–54th & 1st

Aging Dungeons & Dragons geek #1: Man, I have to poop.
Aging D&D geek #2: Hmm.
Aging D&D geek #1: This is seriously becoming a problem… especially on Monday nights when I have to poop.
Aging D&D geek #2: Yeah?
Aging D&D geek #1: Yeah. See, I get home from work and I eat until about 8:30 but then I have to watch 24 and I don’t have time to poop. I don’t even have time to poop during the commercials.

–B train

Overheard by: girl trying NOT to overhear

Old lady, walking over to every table: Excuse me, but do any of you need to use the bathroom, because I need to do both and it takes me a while.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Flatbush & Ave L, Brooklyn

Overheard by: RCP

Husky chucklehead boyfriend: Yo! Would it be bad to take a dump in Filene's Basement?!
Preoccupied girlfriend: Ummmm…

–Filene's Basement, Union Square

Overheard by: TMI

Dad: What’s wrong, sweetie?
Two-year-old child model tugging at shirt on set and grimacing: Daddy, I just poopied my diaper.
Dad: I appreciate your honesty.

–Photoshoot, Midtown

Overheard by: Nikki

Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that.

–39th & Lex

Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!”

–Whitehall Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: Steven Lowell

Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey?

–Museum of Natural History

Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s.

–19th & 6th

Overheard by: CocteauBoy

5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?

–59th between Broadway & 7th

Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub

Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much.

–American Wing Cafe, the Met

Overheard by: guingel

MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick.

–Bleecker & Lafayette

Overheard by: Brewster

Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you.

–Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: Jon A.

Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jon

Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will.

–53rd & Broadway

Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.

–10th St & 1st Ave

Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.

–Q101 bus

Overheard by: Kaleena

Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus.

–14th St 1 station

Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard!

–59th & 7th

Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.”

–The Strand, Broadway

Overheard by: Miss Parker

Little boy: Why do I have to pee in a cup?
Mom: For a test.
Little boy: For a test? Do I have to drink it?

–A train

Man #1: Someone took a shit in the sink.
Man #2: It happens. This is New York.

–Men’s Room, Port Authority

Woman #1: So you never finished telling me that story about whatshisname…Come over here and tell me while I dookie.
Woman #2: Uh…
Woman #1: What? Don’t act like I don’t tell you shit while you’re on the toilet!

–Port Authority ladies’ room

Overheard by: elizabeth kim