Guy: The thing about Cronenberg is that you have to appreciate him in
context to what he does…which is often unappreciable.
–Belmont Lounge, East 15th Street
Guy: The thing about Cronenberg is that you have to appreciate him in
context to what he does…which is often unappreciable.
–Belmont Lounge, East 15th Street
Mom: You couldn’t even wait ’til we got to the bathroom.
Little boy: I told you.
Mom: You know you coulda held it.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Ben Couch
Saleslady #1: She says she’s shitting again. She’s been in there for like 20 minutes.
Saleslady #2: I swear, that girl don’t know how to work.
–Daffy’s
Overheard by: amused tourist
Spunky gay boy: It’s not like I go into the bathroom to nap… But when you’re pooping it’s just, you know, relaxing, and when I start to read on the pot I’m like Pavlov’s dog and I get sleepy!
Skeptical fag hag: That’s no excuse for falling asleep naked on my toilet bowl.
Spunky gay boy: Right.
–C train, Hoyt-Schermerhorn St
Headline by: Gold StaR
Runners-Up:
· “But Thanks For The Highest Rated Youtube Hidden Cam Video.” – Veronica
· “I’m Surprised You Can Do It Away from the Home…I Thought Your People Were Like Cats.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “Pavlov’s Log” – Brian G
· “Ring, Ring. Plop, Plop” – Chris
· “The Roofies I Gave You, Now THAT’s an Excuse.” – Duncan Pflaster
· “Then Whats Your Excuse for Doing It on Mine?” – Lezbotron
Manager: Gary, you serious, you need to go to the bathroom?
Cashier: I need to take, like, a number 4 right now.
Manager: Ew!
Cashier: I don't even know what that means.
–Duane Reade
Mother: Fee fie fo fum!
Very young daughter: I have me a smelly bum!
Mother: Oh dear.
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: Todd Dillard
Man #1: This subway smells like citrus fruit.
Man #2: Yeah, Mr. Lemonhead got killed here.
Woman: I peed on his face once.
–2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: Tourist in Town
Boy teen geek: You know when you push out too much shit you get hemorrhoids?
Girl teen geek: Yeah.
Boy teen geek: Well, that's what he did, pushed out too much shit and got nothing but hemorrhoids!
–Q Train
Overheard by: Blue
Guy #1: So I had my colonoscopy Tuesday. It was like I lost an hour out of my life.
Guy #2: What do you mean?
Guy #1: Oh that stuff they give you to make you sleepy. It gives you
amnesia or something.
Guy #2: That’s messed up.
Guy #1: So my girlfriend tells me afterwords like five times that they removed a polyp and that they think it could be pre-cancerous. I won’t know until next week or something.
Guy #2: So where do you want to get lunch?
–Wall between Pearl & Hanover
Overheard by: Barb Ordell
Ghetto guy herding large group of rowdy kids off train: Scuse me, scuse me, scuse me! Lotta kids, they all ain't mine!
–C Train
Overheard by: Julie S.
Professional woman on cell: I mean, she said she'd finally come to the place where she realizes her kids are shit, and she can just wash her hands off the whole situation and be done with it!
–40th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rachel
Receptionist to UPS guy: Shit, I got five kids, and they're all bad.
–6th Ave & 47th
Overheard by: thanks mom
Angry woman, yelling on phone: Nigga, don't give me that "parenting role" shit!
–Flatbush Ave & Park Place, Brooklyn
Concerned mother: He's not even potty-trained, all he does is eat the toilet paper.
–University Pl & 8th St
Overheard by: Justin
