Punk school girl: You know what would be really cool? If you took a shit, and then it started talking to you!
Hipster friend: Yeah! Imagine if it started talking in a different language! Like, “Nihao! Ching gong shit!”
–Morningside Park
Punk school girl: You know what would be really cool? If you took a shit, and then it started talking to you!
Hipster friend: Yeah! Imagine if it started talking in a different language! Like, “Nihao! Ching gong shit!”
–Morningside Park
Student #1: I ate a whole bag of Kit Kats last night.
Student #2: I wonder how that bathroom smells.
–11th Grade English Classroom, Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: The Teacher
Mom, handing toddler a treat: Now what do you say?
Son: Poopy!
–1 Train
Announcer guy: Hey girl, I love your face. And Charmin loves the other end!
–Charmin NYC Restrooms, Times Square
Overheard by: Nathan
Drunk boyfriend: Thanksgiving is over, and so is our love!
–Grand & Leonard, Williamsburg
Overheard by: fanny
Subway busker, about next song: This is not a love song. The reason that this is not a love song is because I don't like her anymore.
–Time Square
Philosophy professor on last day of class: If you love something, set it free. And if it flies away, run after it and kill it.
–City College
Overheard by: Dan Lurie
20-something guy to friend sharing iPod with him: I would do anything to live there…I would pretend to be in love.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: dallas
Woman on cell: I will skin and tar you. (pause) Oh, I love you!
–W Broadway & W 3rd St
Hot girl: Did you see the videos online of Florence Henderson wiping dog poop on some girl's face?
Even hotter girl: No, what the hell are you talking about?
Hot girl: Some video on YouTube.
–Rockefeller Center
Woman: We gotta get yogurt for the kids, too.
Man: I got yogurt.
Woman: Yeah, Activia. You can't be giving kids Activia! Kids already be shittin' like mad!
–Costco, Brooklyn
Girl #1: Are you pregnant? Your belly looks big…
Girl #2: No, I just haven't shat for three days.
–4 Train
Lady to mobile salesman: I know you went to the back to speak to the manager, don't lie to me.
Salesman: Actually, I went to the back to take a shit.
Lady: I hope you don't shit for a week.
–Brighton Beach, Brooklyn
Overheard by: nikki
Headline by: Jonny-G
Runners-Up:
· “First Rule Of Sales: The Customer Is Your Friend, Not Your Enema” – Vasyl
· “Great! How Am I Supposed to Overshare with Customers Now?” – beans
· “He’s Glad He Didn’t Tell the Truth That He Had Sex Back There” – Deborah
· “I’ll Save It Up, Just for You” – Keith
· “The Ancient New York Curse” – Natalie
· “The Gypsies Were Getting Lazy with Their Curses” – my other comment is witty
Hipster chick #1: Yeah, my cell phone was on the…uh…skitz?
Hipster chick #2: “Skitz”?
Hipster chick #1: Maybe not. “Skitz” is like the streaks left in the toilet after you take a shit.
Hipster chick #2: You meant “on the Fritz”
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: The Katie
