Guy #1: Yeah, I can remember a bunch of times I've shit myself.
Guy #2: Yeah?
Guy #1: Yeah, I think I can remember all the way back to one time when I was like three.
Guy #2: Oh, man. I can remember a time like last year.
–84th St & York
Guy #1: Yeah, I can remember a bunch of times I've shit myself.
Guy #2: Yeah?
Guy #1: Yeah, I think I can remember all the way back to one time when I was like three.
Guy #2: Oh, man. I can remember a time like last year.
–84th St & York
Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?
–TKTS
Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!
–NYC Lab School
Overheard by: T
Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.
–Chelsea
Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)
–E Train
Overheard by: Ja9
Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.
–Times Square
Overheard by: fluffyautist
Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.
–Bronx Zoo
Young hipster to friend: Remember when we sat there, I was high on Vicodin and we saw that guy take a shit in the fountain?
–Union Square Greenmarket
Rich woman yelling on phone: I don't care about your stupid laws or ethics or whatever. (pause) No, I pay you too much money not to get the goddamn drugs I want. (pause) Just write the fucking prescriptions and send them! What the fuck kind of drug dealing doctor are you?
–Metro North Train
Loud lady on cell on escalator: I'm on all these medications you're not supposed to be on when you're pregnant!
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Visiting Kiran
Jock: Nothing's as bad as being allergic to Viagra, man!
–NYU Bus
Lady of indeterminate age: A craving is just a thought on steroids.
–26th st & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Lucky Gunther
Obese woman to male friend: I need to get some Viagra from my dad.
–17th St & 8th Ave
Little kid to passerby: Poop! Bye bye, poopie!
Obnoxious girl, stopping in middle of street and glaring at kid: Did she just call me a poop? What the hell!
Girl's friend: “Poopie,” not poop.
–Little Italy
Man outside stall to presumed child: Okay champ, have you done your business in there?
Very deep voice from stall: Still working on it, thanks!
–Men's Room, Grand Central Station
Three-year-old boy, refusing to get in stroller: Shit! Shit! Shit, mommy! Shit!
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: Sarah
Young boy, yelling after hearing Jesus freaks preach: What a bunch of shit that is!
–7th Ave & 33rd St
Overheard by: Colleen
Hobo drinking Red Bull: This is Red Bull shit!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: RevolutionSuzi
30-something lady on cell: I'm gonna be shitting my brains out later.
–Astoria
Seasoned-looking guy, watching hobo pee in the middle of a subway car: I ain't never seen that shit before. That shit is brand new!
–4 Train
Overheard by: i will be traumatized forever
Menacing black woman on phone: I'mma go home and shit on my girlfriend's China.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Penelope
Punk school girl: You know what would be really cool? If you took a shit, and then it started talking to you!
Hipster friend: Yeah! Imagine if it started talking in a different language! Like, “Nihao! Ching gong shit!”
–Morningside Park
Student #1: I ate a whole bag of Kit Kats last night.
Student #2: I wonder how that bathroom smells.
–11th Grade English Classroom, Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: The Teacher
Mom, handing toddler a treat: Now what do you say?
Son: Poopy!
–1 Train
