Overeager middle-aged guy: So, when are you guys going to show A Perfect Storm?
Snotty hipster barista: Uh… Never.
–Mudd Cafe, before 1950s Art Film Screening
Overheard by: Charles
Overeager middle-aged guy: So, when are you guys going to show A Perfect Storm?
Snotty hipster barista: Uh… Never.
–Mudd Cafe, before 1950s Art Film Screening
Overheard by: Charles
Student: Why is there a biology textbook on your desk?
English teacher: Because I'm in love with life and the way it's made.
(15 seconds later)
English teacher: Not that way! You guys are gross!
–Hunter College High School
Columbia student to another: When I get rich, I'm totally having the sweat glands in my armpits removed.
–Columbia University
Undergrad to friend: So I should tell you about today's existential crisis…
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Katie Naum
Guy to group of friends: Hey, you guys ever watch that video in health ed, of disabled people having sex? It was upsetting.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: L-Dubbs
Columbia undergrad: I am taking so many classes right now, like 18 credits, cause I have no clue what to do with my life. Part of me wants to go to business school here because I can make a lot of money fast, and part of me wants to go to law school here because it's more practical and will make me more over the long run. But then I am also in this class on genocide, which is a topic I love. So maybe I will do something with that instead.
–Max Cafe, 122nd & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: reluctantprof
Blonde to brunette: So that made it even worser… Worser? More worse? Or is it just worse? Noooo. Worser. Or just worse? No! More worse. Worser?
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Agitated young man: I was dramatized by all dat what just happen … dramatized, son. Dramatized.
–Hospital, 10th Ave
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Obese woman pushing stroller: Yo! I told you I don't wanna hear noes, ifs, ants, or buts about it.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: john ainley
Young French lady: We are gonna weaponised a pumpkin!
–French Consulate, Upper East Side
Overheard by: James
Girl #1: Look at all the hipsters. They're all going south. Must be some kind of hipster convention.
Girl #2: How do you know that way is south?
Girl #1: The road. It makes an s-shape. It must mean south. Right?
–Central Park
Psychology professor: So with the gustatory system the motor action is basically spit or swallow. That reminds me of… never mind.
–NYU
Professor: As rigid as it may sound, I would really prefer that you provide me with the literal translation of the Latin on all quizzes and exams, rather than rearranging the grammar to make it sound less awkward in English, so as to preserve the integrity of the Latin prose. Yeah, that's how I roll.
–Lincoln Center, Fordham University
Overheard by: Classics Student
Social psychology professor: The field of psychology doesn't run on… Dunkin'.
–New School University
English professor to class of freshwomen: When you get drunk, does your judgment suffer? (silent awkward pause) Well, you girls might be a little young for it, but I know my judgment suffers!
–Barnard College
Overheard by: High Aspirations
English professor: I know it sounds like an asshole thing to say, but that's what I'm here for guys. I'm here to be your asshole.
–English Seminar, Fordham
Burly father to daughter, passing grizzly bears: I have no compassion for stuffed animals.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Tarah
Guy to friend: I'm totally going to try to hook up with a dolphin when I'm in Cozumel.
–St. Mark's & 3rd
Girl: I would love to have sex with a cheetah!
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Girl carrying reindeer head on bicycle rickshaw: It's not a moose head, it's a reindeer!
–4th Ave & 3rd St
Woman on cell: So are you still dating the tortoise man? (pause) So is this a good or bad thing?
–Bergen & Court
Overheard by: Staying away from the herpetarium
Boy on cell on platform: So yeah, I'll be there soon…I'm at the… um… The um… The… what do you call it? I'm waiting for the umm, and I'm at the… (sighs) What do you call it?
Girl next to him, whispering loudly: Traaaaiiinnn statiiionnnnn!
Girl next to her, yelling: Platform, train station, waiting for a train!
(Boy walks away still on phone)
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Gabriela
Teen boy: No, I can't hide a bottle there. She makes me do it with the door open. She'll see.
Teen friend: She's going to watch you pee?
Teen boy: No, I have my back to her, but she'll notice a bottle. Maybe I can use a Visine bottle.
Teen friend: Just tell her that a positive result is good and negative is bad.
–B1 Bus
Blue-haired old lady, after flaming gay guy sets off theft alarm: What was that?
Store clerk: Gaydar.
–Barnes & Noble, 17th St
Overheard by: steve
