Elderly woman on stretcher: Is the ambulance heated?
Handlebar-mustached ambulance driver: Yes.
Elderly woman on stretcher: I’m gonna freeze to death.
Handlebar-mustached ambulance driver (smiling, tenderly): No, you’re gonna sweat to death.
–63rd b/w Park & Lexington
Overheard by: Paul Tabachneck
Guy #1: Yo, man. I lost seven pounds. Can you believe it?
Guy #2: Oh yeah? Really?
Guy #1: Yeah, I got a fuckin’ shoestring on my pants.
Guy #2: Uh…
Guy #1: I don’t like this. I liked being fat.
–CVS, Allerton
Overheard by: Lee
Teacher: Who was the first African-American woman court justice?
Girl: Judge Judy!
–Leon M. Goldstein High School, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
Hardhat to ticket agent: Yo, what time you get out?
Ticket agent: At one.
Hardhat: Me too. It’s great gettin’ out at one.
Ticket agent: Yeah, but I got class after.
Hardhat: Well, better than bein’ in a Chinese prison camp.
–Water-Taxi Booth, Queens
Overheard by: obviously not as high as he is
Little boy: In the old days, before they had shopping bags, what did they use? Did they use paper bags?
Weary mom: Yes.
Little boy: Really? Brown paper bags?
Mom: Yes.
Little boy: That’s so cool!
–31st Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Brigid
Woman #1: She wastes so much time at work. Did you ever notice she eats lunch, like, every day?
Woman #2: Yeah, and do you really have to take maternity leave?
–55th & 8th
Guy: What do you do?
Girl: I’m a probation officer.
Guy: Oh, criminal or family?
Girl: Criminal.
Guy: Can I pee in your cup?
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Paul
Private school girl: Would you cry if you found out I was dying?
Friend: Sure, if I was on my period.
–Great Lawn
Giant rasta to his dick: Man, I know one thing for sure, I ain’t needing no more to drink tonight! I’m trying to enjoy my night with you, Woody. Woody? Woody? You awake, Woody? Man, I needs me one of them diamond pills already?
Onlooker #1: Is he talking to his shit?
Onlooker #2: I’m sure as hell not Woody.
–The Coffee Shop, Union Square
Overheard by: Schreibz
Woman: Do you have any books on violins?
Sales guy: Well, we don’t have a lot about playing them, but we have some about the sensuality of it.
Woman: It’s for a child.
Sales guy: Oh.
–Borders, 57th & Park Ave
