Spike Lee Encourages You to Get on the Wednesday One-Liners

Bus driver: Next stop… Moheegan Sun–I mean 5th Avenue.

–Crosstown 86th Bus

Chinatown bus driver: Does anyone know how to get to Chinatown?

–Chinatown Bus

Bus driver: Utopia, transfer to the… Hmmm, the Q, the Q, the Q tres y uno. For all you Americans that’s the Q31.

–Q46 Bus

Bus driver as bus approaches 7th Ave: Next stop is 8th ave… or Broadway… or whatever street this is.

–M27 Bus

Overheard by: JoBell

Bus driver: Can you people please move back? It’s really crowded on here, you might find your future wife or something.

–48 Bus, Staten Island

Overheard by: Patricia!

Cranky bus driver on extremely crowded bus: This is Central Park West, get off. I mean, have a nice day!

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Cori

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus Drivers, Chinatown, Directions, Languages, Manhattan, Nicknames & name calling, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Staten Island, Weirdness

Joan Rivers: Can We Wednesday One-Liner?

Suit on cell: So what does he think, he’s going to, like, eat scrambled eggs with these people and then they’ll sit down and talk about it?

–Shore Road, Brooklyn

Yankee fan: So, we was talkin’ to him and we was all like: "Let’s go to a bar!" And he was all like: "I like poetry" so the guys pretty much ditched him, so I was left with ‘im, and had to talk about his feelings and shit. It sucked.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: I like poetry.

Religious flier nut to friend: We can’t talk about that out here because then they’ll know what we’re about.

–Delancey and Ludlow

Overheard by: Adrienne

Student (shouting): Okay, everyone: I’m doing this whole "day of silence" business so none of you better talk to me! I’m not supposed to say anything and I will be so pissed if anyone of you trick me into talking!

–Millennium High School

Overheard by: I’m staying silent…

Hysterical teenage girl on bus: Well, maybe you should have talked about it before you conceived me!

–M34 Bus

Overheard by: nina

Curly-haired chick on cell: I’m glad I can talk to you about my pubes with such ease.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Etiquette, Fast Times at New York High, Fears, Flyer people, Food, Friendship, Girls, God Squad, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Leisure, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Private Parts, Questions, Suits, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium

Let’s Talk About Wednesday One-Liner, Baby

Serious tween girl: I wanna get my braces off. I’ll be able to chew gum and be sexually active.

–1 Train

Old Italian man to young, really drunk Asian date outside of a restaurant: So, you wanna eat or you wanna fuck?

–17th & 7th

20-something girl on cell: So we get done and he’s like: "That was amazing. I don’t even want to know where you learned to do that." Is that a rhetorical question? Seriously, am I supposed to answer that?

–LIRR

Girl to friend: But I didn’t mean to have sex with him!

–Washington Square Park

Hot bald guy: I would have thought hurried bathroom-floor sex to have little ambiguity.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Woman to mailman: I never reported my mailman, and I was banging him!

–68th St b/w Lexington & Park Avenue

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compliments, Food, Girls, Guys, Italians, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Women

Why James Dean Wouldn’t Be Able to Get Laid Today

Punk girl: Can I get a cigarette?
Punk boy: You don’t smoke, do you?
Punk girl: No.
Punk boy: You just wanted a fucking excuse to talk to me, didn’t you?
Punk girl: Not anymore, arrogant cocksucker. (walks away)
Punk boy: Wait! I changed my mind! Come back, I have a cigarette!

–St Mark’s Place

Posted on July 8, 2008
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Insults, Offers and requests, Punks, Questions, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Union Square and East Village

And a Hero to Generations of Date Rapists

Father, to daughter with Disney princess backpack: And who kisses sleeping beauty?
Daughter: The prince.
Father: He was a pretty lucky guy then, right?

–New Wave Diner, 79th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on July 8, 2008
Dads, Default, Disney, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

In Unrelated News, Aren’t You Glad We’re Ditching Bio Again?

Middle school kid #1: Why do they call it “PMS”?
Middle school kid #2: I dunno.
Middle school kid #1: Because “Mad Cow Disease” was taken.
(hilarious laughter ensues)
Middle school kid #2: That’s so funny. (pause) What’s “PMS”?
Middle school kid #1: I think it’s “Post Mental Syndrome” You know, when you dry up and can’t have babies.

–R Train

Posted on July 7, 2008
Babies, Boys, Default, Illness, Kids, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions, Words

Since the Third Person Never Showed

Ghetto boy: Wait, you two had a threesome?
Ghetto girl #1: It was mad awkward, yo!
Ghetto girl #2: Fo’ reals!

–Atlantic & Hoyt

Posted on July 7, 2008
Boys, Brooklyn, Default, Ghetto Chicks, Questions, Three is Company

A Perfectly Rational Response to a Man Coming Down Your Chimney

Woman #1: What’s wrong with Eddie*?
Woman #2: Oh, Eddie* gets claustrophobic in the city.
Little boy: That means he’s afraid of Santa Claus!

–39th St & 6th Ave

Posted on July 6, 2008
Boys, Default, Fears, Holidays, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Psychology, Questions, Women

What Those Perky Weather People Really Say During Commercials

Wife: It’s raining outside.
Husband: It isn’t. They’re playing storm sound effects.
Wife: I can see the street from here. It’s raining.
Husband: Why do you go out of your way to prove me wrong every single moment?

–Hilton Theatre Lobby

Posted on July 6, 2008
Couples, Default, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Theater, Weather, Weirdness, Women

Questions