Rack

Get Embarrassing Stains Out With Wednesday One-Liners!

Woman on cell: I didn't take a bath with your dog!

–Long Island Railway

Overheard by: Jeff

Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: bih.

Very loud crackhead to nobody in particular: Today is great day…I got my pussy washed and I got new crutches.

–14th St

Overheard by: Cuttie

Middle aged man to another: I miss seeing my wife do squats while cleaning the tub.

–Central Park Loop

Overheard by: Nick Kinling

Woman with awful red lipstick: I am too lazy to shower. Ooh! Did I tell you I discovered dry shampoo?

–Broadway & 112th

Overheard by: do us a favor and bathe

Teenage girl to another: I don't know what the fuck he's talking about…I wash my titties everyday with Lever2000.

–D Train

Overheard by: Derrick Walker

When You Have Too Many Questions, Silence Is Probably Best

Asian girl #1 to Asian girl #2: Hey!
Asian girl #2 (surprised): Hi.
Asian girl #1: Haha, I recognized you by your boobs.
(Asian girl #2 laughs, her boyfriend shifts uncomfortably)

–Columbia University

The Ambiguously Gay Duo?

Girl: Guys have boobs too!
Guy: (…)
Girl: Who are those two guys that have boobs?
Guy: (…)
Girl: Oh! Batman and Robin!

–1 Train

Marie Had Always Thought Her Titty-Jiggling Was Second to None

Tall, well-dressed transvestite to 20-something staring at her: Bitch, I can jiggle my titties *just* as good as you.
Shocked 20-something to friend: What…can she really?

–14th St Subway Station

Real Men Don’t Care, Sweetie

Guy: I was in Vegas with my mother, and she was complaining that she was the only flat-chested girl in the city, but flat is totally in right now.
Girl: Flat’s been in since I was, like, thirteen.

–Macy’s

Overheard by: katieb

But I’m Only Taking That Advice because of Your Cup Size

Lady: If you want girls to like you, you need to learn how to be nice to them.
Boy: Okay.
Lady: I’m your teacher. You need to listen to me. You’ve got to open doors for them.
Boy: Uh-huh…
Lady: And you need to stop talking about their breasts!
Boy: All right! I get it!

–Grand Central

The UN Delegates from North and South Korea Are at It Again

Woman: I mean, chicken nuggets go straight to your ass.
Man: At least my tits don’t sag.

–42nd & 8th

Ah, the Eternal Question

Blonde: So, I went home for Thanksgiving, and my grandmother told me that only ugly girls apply to grad school, because they can’t find a husband. Then she said she would pay for me to get a boob job so I could find a husband.
Adoring friend: Wow, your grandma is so cool!
Blonde: Yeah, but like, I wouldn’t know how big to get them, ’cause I don’t want back problems or anything, but I’ve always wanted boobs!

–NYU bus

Overheard by: Sarah

Raise Your Hand If You’d Like to Attend the Family Reunion

Hot drunk chick #1: Oh my god, your boob just made out with my boob!
Hot drunk chick #2: We’re boob brothers!

–F train

Overheard by: rach

Thanks for the Mammaries, Wednesday One-Liners

Thug to girlfriend: Psh, no wonder! You got tits like an orangutan!

–Francis Lewis High

Stripper on cell: I just finished my fourth shift this week. I’m so tired of seeing titties!

–Outside Scores Gentleman’s Club

Overheard by: Tom

Hipster: It only works for creatures with tits.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Nikki Stellini

Queer: Boobs are so not annoying.

–Astoria

Blonde on cell: So, how was your weekend? … Oh! How did it go? Do they feel like bowling balls? … You wore a snowsuit? Wow, I’ve never heard of anyone who gets breast implants and then hides them!

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: s.

Chick on cell: I mean, what it boils down to is this: I have a really outstanding rack.

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

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