Wednesday One-Liners Are Waiting for the Tooth Fairy

Lady on cell: I've been standing here for like fifteen minutes…I don't know which one to choose. It's so hard…it's been like years since I've bought toothpaste.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Doreen

40-something woman: I'm always wondering, is it teeth or tits?

–MJ Armstrong's Public House

Overheard by: JP

Girl to friends looking into camera: Jane* got the foreskin stuck in her teeth.

–Grand St, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: Your tooth came out last night. I didn't want to disturb you, but at least you have your other teeth in.

–Hester & Grand

Flustered strand employee: He left his teeth on the floor and just took off!

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Posted on December 24, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Duane Reade, Families, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Rack, Store, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Just Asking for a Tiny-Package Comeback

Dude: Looks like that chick forgot to put her tits on today. (the three stare and laugh)

–Outside Whole Foods, Union Square

Posted on December 22, 2008
Guys, Laughter, Physical appearance, Rack, Union Square and East Village, Whole Foods

Gets Complicated When It's Her Turn to Bring the Snacks to Play-Group

Random guy: She still breastfeeds her kids.
Random girl: How old are they?! Like 4 or 5?
Random guy: 9 years old.
Random girl: What!? That's ridiculous.

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Teresa

Posted on December 22, 2008
Age/Aging, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Rack, The Met

So Are You a Wednesday or a One-Liner?

Gay guy to friend: The men in my family die young while the women live much longer. I don't know where that leaves me.

–W 4th St & Bank St

Daughter to mother: There are only boys and girls, right?

–M60 Bus

Math geek to another: I think society benefits more from cross-dressing than murder.

–Outside Tisch Hall, NYU

Overheard by: shaun

Woman to man: You did know she had a penis, right?

–Broadway

Overheard by: Jessica

Guy, to another standing up: Sit down, sugar tits, this ain't our stop!

–G Train

Overheard by: Matthew & Aaron

Guy to another: Hey, how're the bumps on your cervix doing?

–Thompson & Bleecker

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on December 17, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Families, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Moms, Murder, Nerds, Nicknames & name calling, NYU, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Questions, Rack, The Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners, If You Know What I Mean

Woman to security guard: Excuse me, did you see a man with a really large package? I'm looking for a man with a large package. Did he come by yet?

–51st St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rob

LIRR worker, yelling over tracks to another who is carrying huge bolt fastener: Hey! Nice nuts!

–Woodside Station

Overheard by: Jobee

Lab instructor, showing students how to breathe carbon dioxide by blowing into the test tube through a straw: Don't blow too hard, or else the whole thing will come up all over your face.

–Biology Lab, Hunter College

Overheard by: did anyone else catch that?

Very old woman to decorative hardware salesman: It's become such a problem–I just can't seem to keep my knobs tight anymore!

–Gracious Home, 67th St & Broadway

Mother waiting for kid in the bathroom: Billy, will you stop singing and just come?

–Waiting Room, Grand Central

Posted on December 10, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, BJs, Coworkers, Cum, Grand Central, Height, Hunter, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, Private Parts, Questions, Rack, Security Guards, Store, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Their Follow-Up Song: “I'm Addicted to Boobs/ But I Know That They're Tox-ic”

Girl #1, pulling toddler-sized shirt out of diaper bag: Look, it'd take four of these just to cover my tits!
Girl #2, grabbing shirt: Me too!
Both girls in unison, singing to Britney Spears tune: My big ol' boobies, how was I supposed to knooooooow…

–Central Park

Overheard by: jenn

Posted on December 6, 2008
Bimbettes, Central Park, Clothing, Height, Music, Rack

That Was the Night I Became a Man

Guy #1: Getting old is not cool, man. I walked in on my mom in the shower once, it was gross…her boobs go down to her fucking knees.
Guy #2: No, they don't.
Guy #1: Yeah, what the fuck do you know?
(pause)
Guy #2: So, remember that party where she got drunk and smoked that salvia?

–14th St

Posted on November 30, 2008
Age/Aging, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Family Ties, Guys, Insults, Physical appearance, Rack, Street, Weirdness

…Until You Tell Me Your Name

Horny girl: Come on, babe.
Bemused guy: Stop touching my titty.

–LIRR

Overheard by: awkward onlooker

Posted on November 27, 2008
Biotechs, Guys, Horny, Rack, Trains Not Subway

Maybe Gold-Nugget Nipple Rings Were a Poor Choice?

Well-endowed woman: Is this one of those fancy uplift bras?
Salesperson: Yes, ma'am, it is.
Well-endowed woman: All right, but if I get home and my titties still sag I'm gonna be mad at you!

–Victoria's Secret